One  year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift

The next  year, I didnt buy her a gift.

When she asked  me why, I replied,

Well, you still havent used the gift I bought you last year!

And  thats how the fight started...

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to  her and said, "Do you want to have  Sex?"

"No", she answered. I then said,

"Is  that your final answer?"

She didnt even look  at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.."

So I said, "Then I d like to phone a friend."

And  thats when the fight started..

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I  took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I ll have  the rump steak, rare, please."

He said,  "Arent you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah,  she can order for herself."
And thats when  the fight  started.....