Two men were talking. > > 'So, how's your sex life?' > > 'Oh, nothing special. > > I'm having Pension sex.' > > 'Pension sex?' > > 'Yeah, you know; > > I get a little each month, > > But not enough to live on!' > > > > LOUD SEX > > A wife went in to see a therapist and said, > > 'I've got a big problem, doctor. > > Every time we're in bed > > And my husband climaxes, > > He lets out this ear splitting yell.' > > > > 'My dear,' the shrink said, > > 'that's completely natural. > > I don't see what the problem is.' > > 'The problem is,' she complained, > > 'it wakes me up!' > > > > QUIET SEX > > Tired of a listless sex life, > > The man came right out and asked his wife
> > During a recent lovemaking session, > > 'How come you never tell me > > When you have an orgasm?' > > She glanced at him and replied,
> > 'You're never home!' > > > > > > CONFOUNDED SEX > > A man was in a terrible accident, > > And his 'manhood' > > Was mangled and torn from his body. > > His doctor assured him that modern medicine > > Could give him back his manhood, > > But that his insurance wouldn't cover the > > Surgery since it was considered cosmetic. > > The doctor said the cost would be > > $3,500 for 'small, > > $6,500 for 'medium, > > And $14,000 for 'large.' > > > > The man was sure he would > > Want a medium or large, > > But the doctor urged him > > To talk it over with his wife > > Before he made any decision. > > The man called his wife on the phone > > And explained their options.
> > The doctor came back into the room, > > And found the man looking dejected. > > > > 'Well, what have the two of you decided?' > > Asked the doctor. > > > > 'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.' > >
> > WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX > > > > A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel > > On the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. > > The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting > > You a headstone that reads: > > 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.' > > > > 'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, > > I'm getting you a headstone that reads: > > 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' > > > > > > > > WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX > > My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly > > And said, 'This will make you happy tonight.' > > He was right! > > When he went out of the bedroom, > > I squirted it all over the doorknobs. > > He couldn't get back in. > > > > > > ELDERLY SEX > > One night, an 87 year-old woman > > Came home from Bingo and found > > Her 92 year-old husband > > In bed with another woman. > > She became violent and ended up pushing him > > Off the balcony of their 20th floor, > > Assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. > > > > Brought before the court > > On the charge of murder, > > The judge asked her if she had > > Anything to say in her defense. > > She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. > > I figured that at 92, > > If he could have sex... > > He could also fly.' >
