a nun goes to confession and says forgive me father for i have sinned. i am guilty of using bad language. the priest says tell me how it happened my child the nun says well i was playing golf and i hit an amazing tee shot. but the ball hit a seagull and only went 40 yards. i see said the priest is this when you swore. no said the nun because when the ball landed a squirrel picked it up and ran away with it. i see said the priest is this when you swore. no siad the nun because then an eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel and flew off with it. i see said the priest is this when you swore no said the nun because the eagle flew over the green and the squirrel dropped the ball only 2 inches away from the hole. at hearing this the priest put his head in his hands and said YOU MISSED THE ****ING PUTT DIDNT YOU.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
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I always leave my camping area cleaner than I found it.
