retirement - is it supposed to be hard at first

twobob · Guru

retirement - is it supposed to be hard at first

carol · Member

Twobob, i think it is totally normal, i also sold my business nearly 17 months ago, for the first year it was very hard. and for the last 5 months i have become very very bored and am seriously considering going back to work.

I really think you go through a grieving process when you sell a business to retire, i know i did, the business is so much part of your life 24/7 that when it is gone you are lost.

Hope things start to get better or you.

-- Edited by carol on Monday 18th of May 2009 09:14:18 PM

Cruising Granny · Guru

Congratulations on retirement everybody.
It should be the least stressful time of your life, whether you're coming out of your own business, or as an employee.
You have to have a plan. You've been working to a plan all your life, and suddenly the routine stops.
You knew it was coming, you planned closing/retirement day, and then what?
You need a reason to geet out of bed. You need a plan. Start with the first week, the first month, the first year.
Make a list of all the jobs you want to do. Stick loosely to the list. Be organised at least for 2 hours of every day. Don't forget exercise.
It will get easier, and you'll wonder how you had enough time to go to work.
Let yourself relax and get used to your new lifestyle. Don't beat yourself up if your confused or bored. Something has to replace all those hours your spent at work. Be kind to yourself, and while you're having a cuppa, make that list.
It's your time and you can spend it how you like. One day at a time. You'll get used to it.
Take care and be glad you can get out of bed every day. It's your day. Chris

Rolly · Guru

What we forget when we retire is that life continues as it always has; what has changed is our individual involvement in it.

Individuals have differing needs and wants; what suits one person will be irrelevant for another.

Pose yourself this most confronting question long before your retirement: "Given that I no longer need to work to have sufficient resources to live as I please, how do I want to live."

First you must give yourself the privilege of knowing and accepting who and what you are and what it is in life that stirs your innermost self and gives you the greatest sense of well being.

To someone who has given their life to the "normal" processes of conventional living, that may sound like a load of self indulgent and egocentric naval gazing; and, of course, it is indeed precisely that: It is precisely that which is necessary in order to for us to understand what we need to consider for ourselves as individuals.

The habits of the past need to be reconsidered in the light of the changed circumstances and the values carried forward need to be re-evaluated in light of the new roles, personal and social, in which one finds oneself.

Be gentle with yourself.

Allow yourself the space and time necessary to take a long, gradual and thoroughly honest review of those things that are important to you as an individual and to you as member of your chosen community.

Time is no longer a factor in your process of providing for yourself and your family, as much as a gift with which you may, if you so chose, regain control of your life and continue with your personal growth and education.

Do it your way; there is little else that is of relevance.

And read and take note of what Granny said. smile

-- Edited by Rolly on Monday 18th of May 2009 10:48:33 PM

Wombat 280 · Guru

It is hard for some who at work were **** of the walk only to find that at retirement they are now only regarded as feather dusters. I truly loved my occupation but leaving it didn't leave a hole in my life it really gave it back to me when I consider the stress that comes with working for a quid

I am one of the fortunate ones retiring at 55 and in the last 7 years I really don't know how I fitted a full time occupation in to my retirement life style .

I find those house jobs are always on the back burner. I get up a 7am retire somewhere about 11.30 pm and have had a full day of pleasure and no house jobs are completed it even started by me .

To start my day breakfast is a grand affair on the north facing porch overlooking the river, normally till about 9.0am. Then I walk the dog for 4 kms around the park.

I know when the wife gets cheesed off because I haven't done some minor task , some bloody tradesmen is knocking in the door at 7.30 ready to start so I just let them get into it and mark it off my to do list.

I don't do anymore than I did when working I just take longer to do it rather than trying to fit it into a weekend as you do when working . If a lunch engagement comes up then instead of a 45 minute get into ya and back to the office affair it now takes the best part of an afternoon sitting around taking and drinking coffee

You must have an established hobby before you retire , I beach fish two days a week with my dog. I spend time in the shed trying to invent things that I believe I need or building prototypes Mk 1 through to Mk 7 as the wife calls them . I don't do it because I really need it I do it because I can and it engages the mind .The only reading I do these days is the morning paper that only come out threes days a week , TV is boring radio not much better , engaging like minds on this forum is always a welcome pleasure. and a highlight of the day

Tried volunteering with the local age groups but it was riddled with egotistical personalities looking for an OAM or the Queens honor list of OBE's (Other Bastards Efforts ) and became far to political and bitchy .

The wife and I have our own independence in so much as each having our own vehicles so we can go and come as we please .

We have a boat but when I put it in the water next I'll need to teach it to swim.

We have 5 grandkids living close by so that's always a distraction when they drop by or we go to their place.

In my previous life we traveled a lot so there isn't any burning wish to go again. In the travel department the bucket list is very short

To sum up I don't miss work I regard myself lucky to see the sun rise in this lucky country and if I see it go down then I've had a bloody good day. Never sweat the small things just one step at a time

I do pity those who will have to keep at it so I can enjoy the life style I've grown accustom to, they may be to far past it to really enjoy it when they are free to do as they please

Bergholt · Veteran Member

I endorse what the others have said above, it is a new lifestyle that may take a bit of time getting used to. I had a chuckle at Wombats bit about volunteering, I was involved for a number of years with a group (even ran my own at one stage including a website).

I found the politcs and self seeking of some (particularly those looking for community awards etc) to be a bit offputting to say the least, also some being recognised for some things that were really the hard work of others, as Wombat said, OBE's. It was almost like being at work and the backstabbing and bitchiness were unbelieveable. On the other hand, there were also many genuine altruistic people that only wanted to help others, and I met some wonderful souls.

When I was about to retire, I thought of all the things I was going to do around the home and elswhere now I would have the time to do them.......wrong ! Because I had time on my hands there was no need to rush anymore.......that can be left for tomorrow etc, no need to do it now, it can wait! Not that I don't do anything, just there is not the pressure to do things like when you are working and only have limited time to get these things done, time seems to slow down.

I don't worry anymore about what and what I don't have to do, I find I enjoy it more and do a better job if I leave something until I feel ready to do it, rather than force myself to do it in a short space of time. Sometimes I feel like Pa Kettle, but things get done eventually.

The main thing is to enjoy what you are doing, eat properly and try to do a bit of exercise for the body and mind. It is suprising too that you tend to worry about whether you will have enough money to live on etc, but somehow you manage and wonder what you were worrying about.

And don't worry too much about not getting around to things, take life as it comes,

Berg

Helena · Guru

Before we retired we decided that we needed a hobby of some sort I took up lace making Bill took up wood turning and then of course we found travelling around our great wonderful country . We too like others have said that the day seems full and at times we wonder how we ever managed to fit in going to work. You may not have as much money as you did when working but you manage. We are just thankful that we can get out of bed in the morning and are healthy and fit. Don`t rush it you will come to enjoy your retirement. Helena.

mike and Judy · Guru

Seems we all have a simaler reasons
I THINK I retired in 1988, thats when I sold the house in the city and went to the bush to live, , at least thats when I gave up paid employment
I built another house and started on a self suffiency farm, on 30 acres in the goldfields hard work, but it was all for me and mine ,
when I finally took to the road about 9 years ago, I missed the labour and the exercise so ended up staking a claim here and started again in to the hard labour provides me with all I need and more
We are what we eat , and the exercise is good for the body and brain, with my record of long lived relos and what I do here will still be around till I'm 105

sounds to me as thought you are worrying too much Bob,
Relax and take it easy

carol · Member

I agree that you need to have some plans in place for when you do leave the work force, and i did, i do alot of craft, i painted all the inside of the house, started vegetable gardens, belong to a few forums, have a tribe of grand kids one 16 yearold lives with me................
but there is still something missing, and i speak for myself only but i think it is the social contact with my customers.

Getting of topic abit, but i have just returned from an area near St. George QLD, please take care if you are going to or are traveling in this area, there are a huge amount of Roo's the occasional Wallaby and a few wild pigs that have come down to the road looking for feed.
It took me an hour to do 50km admittedly on a dirt road but in that 50km we had 35 Roo's come across in front of us.

And on the major road that comes in from Moonie to St George and through Westmar there is a dead animal of some description about every 100meters.

Goodluck Twobob, i really feel for you because i believe i know what you are going through.

dave06 · Guru

oh you bloody whingeing sooks, jesus h christ, what i wouldnt give to be in your situation, I start work at 7am and dont finish until 7pm, I then man the phones until around midnight, sometimes a lot later, taking crisis calls from all over australia,

on the weekends I help fellow travellers with their vehicle repairs as well as man the phone and my social life, I also run a tungsten tool sharpening business which I have owned and ran for the past 25 years

I try to fit my 30 year old mild to severe cerebral palsy sons well being (showering, toileting, feeding, dressing, entertaining, bedding) in amongst that lot as well as dropping him to and from various obligations

my wife works 7 days a week in the caring industry, usually averaging between 65 and 85 hours a week, because there is a huge shortage of people willing to work in this industry,

I average about 60 hours a week not counting my volunteer work, in there I try to fit a "life" as well

if you have a problem with a voluntary organisation then get into another, there are plenty that are screaming out for them, try telephone counselling, we cant get enough vollunteers

if you cant find a way to fill up your life with meaningfull pleasure and undertakings then you are either lazy or stupid or both and you dont deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!

I have quite a few freinds who are retired and they wonder how the hell they ever found time to go to work in the first place, they are busier now with a far more enjoyable lifestyle than they ever were in the workforce and some owned their own business, they dont miss the garbage for one second, it really is a great thing to look forward to!!

I cant wait to retire just so I can sit and contemplate my toenails and not think about other's problems, just for a little while, it will all be about me and my gal!! cant bloody wait!!! let me loose!!!

Basil Faulty · Guru

Bas cues solo violin for Dave.....
Yep the first year is a bit "uncertain" you have a lot to deal with and as you age it's normal to do the headless chook thing.
After you've setteled down you will begin to wonder when you had the time to "work"....

carol · Member

Well do you feel better now Dave?.

Yes we manage to keep ourselves busy through the day, that is still not to say we don't experience a certain lose for our previous life. JMO
I started my business and i worked my backside off for 13 years 24/7, it was my life then it is gone, it is no longer mine, i am not sorry it has been sold but does not mean i can't miss it.

Just out of interest how do you get into telephone counselling.

mike and Judy · Guru

I think someone needs to define what retirement is,
If all you intend to do is sit on your backside and do nothing ,it seems to me a big waste of a life,
By the sound of it you all have a life NOW, did you hear that "NOW", it goes by day by day
Waiting on a mythical figure (which can change by the whim of the Government ) you are doing what you want to do," NOW" if you dont like it that you should change it
Note my signature comment

dave06 · Guru

absolutely Mike and Basil I agree with you 100%, if all you do is sit on your rear and do nothing then you are a waste of space

and no I dont feel any better, to know that you people are out there whingeing about not having anything to do when my father worked so hard and so long he died before his retirement at the age of 62, my father in law was dead at 60, no retirement, I have had a couple of warnings and I am only 52, our young soldiers died to give you this life and all you do is whinge

nobody in my side of the family has lived long enough to enjoy retirement neverlone get bored with it, we have people all over australia that need little things done by someone who is fit enough to do it

lightbulbs, fluro globes all need replacing, people need an understanding ear, someone needs grocerys, someone elses lawn may need mowing or a fuse repairing, someone else needs bills paying, you people are the bloody lucky ones and you have really got my dander up about this,

hell my days are so full I have to make an appointment to scratch my arse and you people sit around whingeing about not having anything to do

13 years HAH! I've been running my business and still am for in excess of 25 years as well as holding other positions

just a couple of steps that you may find usefull in gaining a life

(1) get off the bloody computer and get out in to the fresh air, rejoin real life!!! forget the miriad of fora

(2) say g'day to your local volunteer association, any of them, lifeline, vinnies, salvo's st john, lion's, rotary, whatever you wish to do, we are all always short handed

(3) say howdy to your neighbors up and down the street and see if they need anything doing

(4) ring up any volunteer organisation and become a collector

hang on this is supposed to be a TRAVEL FORUM isnt it, I have an idea, let's try actually travelling somewhere, now there's a novelty!!

carol · Member

I think it is best if i leave this thread as i may say things that i might regret at some stage.

But one last thing Dave, what gives you the right to judge people, you have absolutely know idea what goes on in peoples life, i am sure not everyone is going to divulge everything that goes on in there life, especially to people they do not know, and place it on WWW for everyone to see.

Basil Faulty · Guru

Basil sees his roll as forum Agent Provcateur slipping away....

JRH · Guru

This has certainly developed into a rather emotive subject. May I suggest that each and everyone of us simply give ourselves permission to relax and enjoy our retirement.

I unfortunately had an accident at work in 1986 at age 45 and was eventually placed on a disability pension, it took quite a while to come to terms with a disability and the fact that I had so much time on my hands but once I learned to give myself permission to let go of the past and the work I missed I found that life became so much more enjoyable. I do what I can around the house and anything I am unable to do due to my disability I just sit back and let someone else do it for me and I am grateful there are those who care sufficiently to lend a helping hand when it is needed, to those who volunteer their time I say thank you very much, it means so much to those of us who cannot, for whatever reason, do it ourselves.

To those who man the phones and help those in need of counselling I say it takes a special kind of person to be able to take on board all the troubles of others and stay sane, whilst I have been fortunate not to need their services I say thank you very much for your time and effort, there are so many out there to whom you are their only lifeline.

There are so many jobs out there that can be done to help others by those who are retired and have the time to do so and I say give it some thought, you may find it helps you more than you think.

My wife and I saved as much as we could each fortnight and eventually purchased a Jaco Dove camper and explored the possibility of caravanning, we fell in love with it and over the years have managed to upgrade to a 1993 Falcon Wagon and 1984, 15 foot Jayco Poptop and we intend to explore as much of this wonderful country we are so lucky to live in as we can and if we can help anyone along the way we will do so and be grateful we are able to do so.

Enough of my aimless waffling.

Rgards to all.
John

dave06 · Guru

carol you put yourself up to be judged and I and others judged you, it is up to you to think about the posts before you place your stuff up there, if you make a comment on anything, like we all do, then it is open to mine and others to comment right back, dont like it well boo hoo, welcome to reality, life is like that, your word, like mine is not the be all and end all

if you dont like retirement then stop your grizzling and go back to work, let someone who can apreciate life enjoy the empty position, your choice, I withold a hell of a lot that has gone on in my life so dont think we have had it easy, we have worked bloody long and hard to get where we are and we are still working long and bloody hard to get a retirement, if I live that long, when/if we get there you will not see us wasting time grizzling about boredom on forums

it is YOUR choice about how you spend YOUR day, if you get bored with it then bloody well change it, life is full of choices, make one, dont like it, change it, sitting aroujnd grizzling about it does no-one any good certainly not the grizzler or the readers

I have lost 3 uncles and a 5 great uncles who fought in various conflicts to give you freedom in the best damn country in the world, and then our union boys and girls fought tooth and nail to give you time and the money to enjoy the best damn country in the world,

what you do with that time is your choice dont come in here grizzling about being bored, go help others or go back to work or travel, your choice!!!

john it's not about giving yourself permission it's about being able to take control of what you have left, realising your limitations and always straining for the next level of acheivement, making the most of what you are able to acheive right now, keep striving to make your life enjoyable to you when it's all said and done it's up to you!!

John dont ever think that you dont need a sympathetic ear, we are here 24 hours a day seven days a week if ever you need a yak about anything at all, doesnt matter what it is somebody will always be there, every state has a crisis centre to call, you dont have to be in crisis before you call and we prefer you not to leave it to that stage, call before it gets to that

life is about your own trail, you decide which way to go, there are many turn offs, just because you do it today doesnt mean you must do it tomorrow

set a goal, realise it and then aim higher tommorow

I am more than willing to help those that are willing to help themselves, i do so on many occasions, have done so for many years, I have no time for whingers who will not help themselves or try to make their own lives 100% enjoyable to themselves and then whinge about it

I help people everyday that would just love the chance to be able to simply participate in life, but who's disabilitys or social misfunctions restrict them so much they cannot, my son is amongst them

so to those who squander their life I hold no respect or time whatsoever

I have already recieved 10 emails on this subject, all supportive so I know that I am not a lone voice in the wilderness

Helena · Guru

I can understand where you are coming from Dave as our son had an industirail accident at the age of 24 he was on a disability pension and told he would never work again with our help and the help of his wife he has picked himself up and got on with it sure there are lots of things he can't do like playing football with his kids fixing his house up and of course lack of money but that is where we step in and every day we are grateful for what we have and what we are able to do. Just take a look around and you will find someone a lot worse off than you and sometimes it only takes a few kind words or a telephone call to make someones day for them. Helena.

JRH · Guru

Dave I take on board your comment on it not being about giving oneself permission to relax but I have met, as I am sure a lot of people have, those who tend to feel guilty about having so much time on their hands when they retire and until they come to terms with that fact (Give themselves permission to relax) they will continue to feel that guilt and in quite a lot of cases they are unable to move on and get on with their life.

Quite frankly I don't know the answers and for all I know I may just be writing a load of rubbish, but I can say without fear of contradiction "Thank God for those who are prepared to give up their time to help those who in some cases need help" and it is by discussing these problems on fora such as this one those in need may just find what they are seeking. One can only hope.

Regards to all.

John

dave06 · Guru

we had our eyes opened when our son was born, we were emotional wrecks until we visited "rose ward" in the adelaide childrens hospital, the sights that we witnessed in that ward still give me shivers today, but showed us that we were not as bad off as a lot of other parents of our age

the torment that these kiddies and young parents endure is what started me on the road to helping others, the couples visiting their kiddies seemed to "migrate" to me instinctively for a shoulder, I "felt" and understood their pain and greif and was able to "console" them just a little

our son was not expected to live and we were told by the proffessors that even with the slight chance that we would take him home then he would be a vegetable for all his days and that we would be far better off to place him in "care" care in those days was a mental institution

we were roughly twenty years old with a decision like that, we would not however "place" him anywhere, he is "our's" and therefore could not be chucked aside, his care in the next years cost us our jobs, our house and all our savings, as we struggled to find ways to get him to and from specialist's appointments 350 kms away, as well as accomodation

we have had to "scratch and scrape" to get back up from that, we dont look for or need sympathy, simply stating a fact

we were one of the lucky ones as we brought our child home, many didnt, and still dont, the circle that is opened up to a parent of a "special" child or adult is one that is never seen by the "normal" world, everyday is a struggle for these people, young and old

every hour of every day they must overcome enormous hurdles that life has placed before them, unless one has an "insight" to this world then one cannot begin to imagine the daily struggle that we (the carers and parents) and they (the special kids and adults) must go through each and every waking hour simply to survive

that is why a nerve gets hit when people say "oh gee, I'm bored", it is a privilige to be "bored" and a luxury that a lot of us dont have, there is an untold number that do not have mobility or can never have a "retirement" so that is why I will scoff at those to whom this luxury is afforded and yet still squander it and then grizzle about it

we work long and hard simply because we must in order to scratch our way back up the ladder to financial normallity, with or without violins, we have an amazing circle of freinds and they help no end

my wife is an "in home" carer for people, young and old that have had a "good" normal life only to have had an accident and then have it all taken from them, these I feel wholeheartedly for, they know what "normallity" is and know what it is to have it stripped away

I really feel for you Helena and if you ever want to just talk, you know my email addy, I will, upon request, give you my home phone number if you wish, please give your daughter in law a hug from me as well, I realise the enormous mental and physical cost this is to her, I feel great empathy for her

be gratefull for your life and the way you can still get around, it can all be taken away in a heartbeat, fill your life with good things and help others where possible and thank christ you are not one of the unfortunate, relish in your new found "boredom" you belong to the "lucky few" who have "made it" a hell of a lot dont

suenami · Senior Member

Two bob, you're normal. We all are. Remember you are unique. Just like everyone else. (sorry about that) biggrin

twobob · Guru

Sue
My drop saw broke today, part way through a job.

Normally I would have located a repairer, found out what i need, had the thing pulled apart, ready for repair tomorrow

But, I just look up repairers in the phone book, and decided just to take it in whole, without talking with them to see if they could fit me in. But i am busy tomorrow so will do it Thursday, as I have something else I should have had by now, to get

This is what bothers me, the change in compulsive drive to have it done, NOW.

I have realised (well beginning too) that, this is the way it is. In fact, this is what we preach as GN's. The change in lifestyle cannot be fully understood, till you arrive at it. All the best ideas and plans. just do not allow for the change. The result is pure frustration, at first, which is what i am dealing with

May make a better Gn of me, in the long term.

-- Edited by twobob on Tuesday 19th of May 2009 09:07:37 PM

lized · Veteran Member

Well said, Suenami -

We are all unique and all doing the best we can at a given time.
Love and Peace to all "Nomads.
If that sounds wet - too bad, its from my heart
Liz

Cruising Granny · Guru

Dave, it seems to me your life may be a bit too busy. You won't have time to retire.
Apart from your employment you have to share care of your son, fill your volunteer commitments, repair vehicles and sharpen tools.
At this stage in life I think you should be kinder to yourself. While you are giving yourself, and you are rewarded for your efforts, you have to give yourself time to rest.
While I have gleened you gain tremendous satisfaction from helping people, you're not helping yourself. Be kind to you.
Your kindness is very evident throughout the forum, however you must give yourself a breather, or at least, time to rest and sleep.
We share our travels with all on this forum, which means we share with you. Enjoy what you have, what we share with you and your life. Please stop being grumpy at the nomads who are doing what you dream of doing. I'm sure your turn will come.
It's all good. Cheers and love Chris

Cupie · Guru

Wow .... hasn't Dave got up on his soap box yet again.

Carol .. Don't be put off by this well over the top attack by Guru Dave.
I can see nothing in your posts that justified such a response.
Keep in mind a quote that he himself put on my message board when I first joined this forum .. "Take no notice of the knockers".

Maybe my response may divert some of the vitriol towards myself.

I said in another post that you should take a lot of what you read in these forums with a grain of salt.

In any case we all have the option to 'give them a spray' & take the site off our favourites list.

Two Bob ..

In all of this discussion YOU are the normal one.

IMO we go thru phases in life .. first gathering education/knowledge to enable us to live in our society, then gathering sufficient wealth to meet our obligations, have a reasonable life style, put a bit away to meet contingencies like unforseen health & family issues & the hopefully inevitable old age.
While doing this the 'givers' contribute to improving society in whatever way we and to what extent we choose. Some of us want recognition for what we do or achieve, for others it is sufficient just to give. Of course our society has a percentage of 'takers' & I suppose a Christian approach is to forgive them that failing or different values set.

As we enter the retirement phase I have heard it said that you should not 'retire from' but 'retire to'. My experience for what it is worth, is that I needed to plan for retirement just as you would plan and prepare a business case for any business venture.
It is a bit of a shock when you first retire in that previously your opinion on matters was sought, your views were listened to; then all of a sudden it was gone & you are just another grey nomad .. & ain't it grand!

dave06 · Guru

yeah you're probably right chris,

I wasnt going to say anything but the trouble is that we lost another old feller on our street today who didnt enjoy any sort of retirement,

came back from some conflict or other in a mess, never spoke about it and we never pushed him, left on his own to fend for himself, forgotten by all sectors, died a lonely man except for us street neighbors, no family to speak of that came to visit, he was a regular vistor to our gatherings and will be sorely missed by a lot of people here at home, particularly me, we became pretty close, I will start to arrange his funeral tommorow

so I'm a little touchy on the retirement/enjoying the later years thing at the moment when so much suffering is going on and so many simply dont make it

I can ride through most of them but every now and then one gets through!!, this one did, I've been a mess all day!! shouldnt have come on the forum in this state of mind

Cruising Granny · Guru

Be kind to yourself Dave. You already do more than your share, as does the "Dragon".
You cannot be all things to all people. There is only one of you to go around.
If you spread yourself too thin you won't have anything left, and what you give will be spread too thin. Quality, not quantity.
You can't blame yourself for everyone's dilemmas.
For God's sake be kind to Dave. Get an extra hug from the Dragon.

NannyMon · Veteran Member

Big hug for Dave

big hug.gif

Cruising Granny · Guru

Good on ya Mon. Good timing.
We all need a hug from time to time.