CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
                           mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
                           allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husbandgets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants
                     as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
                          assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears
                       down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
                for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
                     bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked
                                              up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.