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ozzie joke
(Preview)
A Northern Territory (Oz) farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. 'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my Ute andis wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.' The manager says,'Ok, there's a...
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mike and Judy
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1
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1451
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SHORT IN WORDS, LONG IN MEANING
(Preview)
What a profound short little paragraph that says it all!!! "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybodyanything tha...
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sgntbilko
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2
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1504
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A Fix For That Snoring
(Preview)
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual....
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Wombat 280
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2
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1726
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We Came Through This
(Preview)
These comments were made in the year 1955! That's only 54 years ago! 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00. 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one....
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Wombat 280
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0
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1386
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Changing Names Does That
(Preview)
Mohammed enters his classroom - What is your name? asked the teacher. - Mohammed, answered the kid. - Here we are in France, there is no Mohammed,from now on your name will be Jean-Francois, replied the teacher In the evening, Mohammed returned home. - The day went .................. well Mohammed...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1327
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The elderly
(Preview)
An elderly couple had dinner one of there friends homes, after eating there meals the 2 wives excused them selves and headed to the kitchen. The two gents were talking and one said, we went to a new restaurant the other night and i would recommend it highly. The other bloke asks "what was the...
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drongo & wendy
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1
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1192
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THE GARAGE DOOR
(Preview)
The boss walked into his office one morning not knowing his fly was wide open. His assistant walked up and asked him did he know he had left the garage door open this morning. the boss told her he was sure it was closed, then walked into his office a bit puzzled the question. When he had finished his paper...
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drongo & wendy
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1
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1129
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dont much around with a wrinkly granny
(Preview)
an elderly woman walked into the reserve bank of australia and asks if she could make a deposit, a gentleman aproached and told her that "in the reserve bank of australia we do not take deposits" "but it is a rather large ammount for just any bank" the lady said "oh all right I...
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dave06
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0
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1389
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the gay ranch hand
(Preview)
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. Sh...
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dave06
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0
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1414
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A BLONDES Year in Review
(Preview)
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said '2-4 years!' April T...
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The Gnome
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4
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1443
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overloaded helicopter
(Preview)
a two seater helicopter crashed in a cemetery in spain this morning, so far 350 bodies have been recovered, police suspect there may be more
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dave06
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4
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1152
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Don't mess with old people
(Preview)
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips of Newark, New Jersey was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, whichshe could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw tha...
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The Gnome
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1
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1291
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Signs of the times
(Preview)
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church. Heaven is Where: The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are...
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The Gnome
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1
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1009
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Just Loverly
(Preview)
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly age 6)2) Oysters balls are called pearls. (James age 6)3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emil...
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The Gnome
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0
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1053
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Life's Choice
(Preview)
ALZHEIMER'S OR PARKINSONS Which one would you rather have?PARKINSONS of course! Better to spill half your drink than forget where the hell you put it!
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The Gnome
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0
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1139
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Dont ........................STOP
(Preview)
...................................................STOP-- Edited by twobob on Friday 27th of March 2009 08:55:...
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twobob
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1
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1235
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Athiest Holy Day
(Preview)
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was broug...
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JRH
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1
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1384
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Another one for the ladies
(Preview)
Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. " 2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?" 1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!" 2nd Hillbilly...
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Roostertales
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0
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1073
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One for the ladies
(Preview)
CAKE OR BED A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ENERGY AUSTRALIA WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THI...
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Roostertales
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0
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1009
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PICK THE BLONDE
(Preview)
Okay.........here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working. Which one do you think is the blonde? Scroll down Amazing I did not See it before.. The Blonde is the one With the wrong leg up. That is OK I did not Pass the test EITHER!!!!!
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sgntbilko
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3
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1572
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