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PIRATE
(Preview)
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." Pirate: &qu...
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Ole Grizzly
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0
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913
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Which Course
(Preview)
Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place: 1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wifethat I will paint every room in the house next weekend." 2nd Guy: "That's nothi...
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The Gnome
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0
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837
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Inner Peace
(Preview)
Inner Peace If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved on...
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The Gnome
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5
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1183
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Honeymoon Together
(Preview)
Peter and Larry get married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon, so, they go back to Peter's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.In the morning, Johnny, Peter's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks h...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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869
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Kids Writing About the Sea
(Preview)
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all roun...
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The Gnome
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0
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1012
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Wacko Jacko
(Preview)
Theyve started already, 1. Micheal Jackson is dead. Hospital staff don't know what to do with the body as plastic recycling is not till next Tuesday 2. MJ has died. To commemorate his musical achievements, McDonalds have released the mcjackson burger. Its a 50 yr old piece of aged albino meat shoved...
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The Gnome
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4
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1180
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Hope this does not offend anyone lol
(Preview)
KIDS ARE GREAT GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for...
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The Gnome
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4
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1088
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Wordplay for Lexophiles
(Preview)
Wordplay for Lexophiles: 1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 4. To write with a broken penc...
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The Gnome
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2
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1003
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Heart Surgeon's Funeral
(Preview)
<!--
--> HEART SURGEON'S FUNERAL One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled...
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The Gnome
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0
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772
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Inner Peace to All
(Preview)
Meet a Buddhist monk last night after leaving the club. He said if I was to achieve inner peace I would need to finish things I started . So, I've now finished the bottle of red I opened last night , finished off the Bourbon along with the 6 pack of Tooheys and the last of the Valium and I now believe I'...
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Wombat 280
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1
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785
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Retirement Planning
(Preview)
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Airlines stock you would have $49.00 left. But, if you had...
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Dragonfly
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2
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1046
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Excerpts from childrens essays....
(Preview)
From children's essays.. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drak...
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Basil Faulty
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4
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1552
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the nun
(Preview)
Subject: Nun The Nun in Hooters A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However...
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dave06
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1
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981
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Fixing The Country
(Preview)
This is what I reckon we should do... Dear Mr. Rudd, Please find below my suggestion for fixing Australia's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retireme...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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1120
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Replaced by Mini
(Preview)
Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his off...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1026
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Second Opinion
(Preview)
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what y...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1000
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THE HUNTER
(Preview)
A bloke was out for a bit of hunting with his shotgun. He spotted a duck, so he shot it. Then he spotted a rabbit, so he shot it. Just then he noticed a gorgeous woman lying on the grass under a shady tree, stark naked. He walked up and asked her if she was game and she said she was. . . So he shot her. -- Edited by Mi...
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Mike47
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0
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1044
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SWINE FLU - AGAIN
(Preview)
Just phoned the NHS swine flu helpline and all I got was crackling. How did the pig go on holiday? The swine flu !!! Swine flu isn't a problem for pigs, because they're all going to be cured anyway. The first sign of pig flu is that you come out in nasty rashers. If you want a clear train carriage on the way int...
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Ma
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1
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1262
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Signwriter who got it very wrong
(Preview)
Have a look at this - it's disgusting.
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Basil Faulty
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1
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1214
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Keep the Motor Running.
(Preview)
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it a...
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Xtrail51
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0
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916
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