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Beware You Footy Fans
(Preview)
Two Garbage Bags A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $2...
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The Gnome
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1
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1055
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Ackkkk
(Preview)
I bought a deodorant stick today. I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom' I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!
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The Gnome
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0
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947
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Drunk's Dilema
(Preview)
STOLEN CARA drunk walks out of a RSL with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw i...
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The Gnome
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2
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1202
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ROBOT BARMAN
(Preview)
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot barman. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared ****tail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spiri...
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sgntbilko
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0
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1028
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Older Women......
(Preview)
> Older Women Are So Reasonable
>
> AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "FORTY-FOUR YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YE...
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Xtrail51
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1
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1186
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It's Hell Getting Old
(Preview)
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at th...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1019
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Powerless
(Preview)
Pretty sure this is true............? Talking to a mate the other day and he told me the following story that happened to his brother-- Brother complained that his Patrol had no pulling power with the new 16' van hooked up, surged up to 60km easy enough but wouldn't pull past without huge amounts of rig...
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Bear59
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1
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1003
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the ex
(Preview)
MY EX-WIFE THE PILOT My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her licence shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, that she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was...
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twobob
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1
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909
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Little Johny at the Farm
(Preview)
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sgntbilko
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0
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840
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Why Parents Drink..........
(Preview)
Why Parents Drink! A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hand...
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TRUE BLUE AUSIE
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1
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1049
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Solution To The Recession by A Retiree
(Preview)
Dear Mr. KRudd or Mr Turnbull,Please find below my suggestion for fixing Australias economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:There are about 2...
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Vic41
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0
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763
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Who Needs an RV
(Preview)
We do spoil ourselfs here in OZ , O/S they make do with one all purpose vehicle farm cattle transport, day tripper and removal van . Justthink of the savings in rego and insurance -- Edited by Wombat 280 on Tuesday 2nd of June 2009 09:44:50 AM -- Edited by Wombat 280 on Tuesday 2nd of June 2009 09:48:12 A...
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Wombat 280
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2
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1235
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Wrong Way........
(Preview)
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman....
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TRUE BLUE AUSIE
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0
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1060
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Let Him Dig.....Women are wonderfull.
(Preview)
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Ne...
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TRUE BLUE AUSIE
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0
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944
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Could this be my long lost son?????
(Preview)
Just looking at Jon and my Avatar's...........Could this be my long lost son????
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Vic41
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7
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1224
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Wedding Night
(Preview)
Paul and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon -so they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning Johnny - Paul's little brother - gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school - he asks his mom if Paul and Mary are up yet....
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Basil Faulty
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0
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1041
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swine flu again.
(Preview)
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Xtrail51
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9
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1381
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To My Dog, Cat & Visitors
(Preview)
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and d...
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Vic41
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0
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1027
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WALKING EAGLE
(Preview)
On a recent trip to the U.S.A., Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, B.C., due to his experiences in handling the Australian Indigenous situation inAustralia. He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every Firs...
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Wombat 280
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3
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1084
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Signs Will Do That
(Preview)
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. Whe...
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Wombat 280
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3
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1115
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