Just Joking

Firefly · Firefly

If My Body Were a Car This is just too funny - scary how true it is!! IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of i...

Palebushman · Palebushman

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have...

twobob · twobob

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mo...

Firefly · Firefly

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting ho...

Firefly · Firefly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on a bee...

Firefly · Firefly

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself. He said, "My boy, the fight is between two wolves." That certainly got the boy's attention. "One is evil," the old man continued. "Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, ar...

twobob · twobob

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of : 'ASYLUM'. Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hop on a boat And win A FREE HOUSE! We've already given away hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The Austral...

TRUE BLUE AUSIE · TRUE BLUE AUSIE

He Said To Me! He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him . ... . You wear pants don't you? He said to me . . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but...

jimricho · jimricho

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's Suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all Varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the he...

jimricho · jimricho

twobob · twobob

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye b...

Firefly · Firefly

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go awa...

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact. Mary. Mary. Is that you, Fred? Yes, Ive come back lik...

twobob · twobob

I think you know when your getting old. I was watching porn the other night and found myself thinking " that bloody bed looks comfy "

twobob · twobob

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' The Pope wrinkles his...

Firefly · Firefly

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall Where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the o...

jimricho · jimricho

How To Stay Awake At Meetings This may help all you hard workers, dogged by meetings and seminars..........How to stay awake at meetings Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that. 1. Before (or during) you...

Disco Duck · Disco Duck

P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution logged by the mechanic. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid....

Firefly · Firefly

jimricho · jimricho

(News Item: NW Airlines flight overflies destination by more than 100 n. miles.)

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	If My Body Were A Car...... (Preview) If My Body Were a Car This is just too funny - scary how true it is!! IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of i...	Firefly	0	921	10:11 PM Nov 24, 2009 by Firefly
	HILLBILLY DIVORCE (Preview) A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have...	Palebushman	0	1110	05:30 PM Nov 24, 2009 by Palebushman
	balloon (Preview) A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mo...	twobob	0	556	01:24 PM Nov 24, 2009 by twobob
	Nag, Nag, Nag. (Preview) An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting ho...	Firefly	0	915	09:47 AM Nov 24, 2009 by Firefly
	How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly. (Preview) A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on a bee...	Firefly	0	574	10:40 PM Nov 23, 2009 by Firefly
	Words of Wisdom, Not So Much A Joke (Preview) One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself. He said, "My boy, the fight is between two wolves." That certainly got the boy's attention. "One is evil," the old man continued. "Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, ar...	Firefly	0	763	09:19 PM Nov 23, 2009 by Firefly
	Asylum (Preview) Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of : 'ASYLUM'. Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hop on a boat And win A FREE HOUSE! We've already given away hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The Austral...	twobob	4	1157	06:20 PM Nov 23, 2009 by jimricho
	He Said To Me! (Preview) He Said To Me! He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him . ... . You wear pants don't you? He said to me . . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but...	TRUE BLUE AUSIE	0	665	10:19 PM Nov 22, 2009 by TRUE BLUE AUSIE
	Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes (Preview) Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's Suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all Varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the he...	jimricho	2	1059	10:19 PM Nov 22, 2009 by Disco Duck
	Alladin's Lamp (Preview)	jimricho	1	1120	10:11 PM Nov 22, 2009 by Disco Duck
	Rye Bread (Preview) Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye b...	twobob	1	673	10:08 PM Nov 22, 2009 by Disco Duck
	I'm Broke (Preview) A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go awa...	Firefly	0	862	10:01 PM Nov 21, 2009 by Firefly
	THE AFTER LIFE (Preview) A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact. Mary. Mary. Is that you, Fred? Yes, Ive come back lik...	Cruising Granny	0	731	09:40 PM Nov 21, 2009 by Cruising Granny
	past it (Preview) I think you know when your getting old. I was watching porn the other night and found myself thinking " that bloody bed looks comfy "	twobob	0	801	11:43 AM Nov 21, 2009 by twobob
	grumpy (Preview) The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' The Pope wrinkles his...	twobob	1	879	11:25 AM Nov 21, 2009 by Firefly
	Two Little Old Ladies (Preview) Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall Where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the o...	Firefly	0	931	09:12 PM Nov 20, 2009 by Firefly
	How To Stay Awake At Meetings (Preview) How To Stay Awake At Meetings This may help all you hard workers, dogged by meetings and seminars..........How to stay awake at meetings Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that. 1. Before (or during) you...	jimricho	0	1744	08:12 PM Nov 20, 2009 by jimricho
	More Airline Stuff (Preview) P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution logged by the mechanic. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid....	Disco Duck	0	787	04:16 PM Nov 20, 2009 by Disco Duck
	Xmas Lights, (my house on the right) (Preview)	Firefly	2	919	03:39 PM Nov 20, 2009 by Gary and Kerry
	North West Airlines Pilot's Guide to the Flight Deck (Preview) (News Item: NW Airlines flight overflies destination by more than 100 n. miles.)	jimricho	1	834	03:38 PM Nov 20, 2009 by Disco Duck
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