Just Joking

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

At the end of the tax year, the Aust Tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the ATO agent was checking the books, he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said. "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when ...

gubby · gubby

Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Commodore doing 100 km/h with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on th...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Here is something to help make Gillard's speeches almost tolerable. Just print this page, distribute it to friends, and listen to her next speech (be sure to read directions at the bottom). Rules for Bull**** Bingo: 1. Before Julia Gillard's next televised speech, print your "Bull**** Bin...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)<><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed,...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

Irish MirrorAfter living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin . In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a...

Loffty · Loffty

There once was a man called.. Osama Who caused the U.S such a drama When they spotted his head They shot the pr##k dead Now that's what I call karma

Beth54 · Beth54

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus - crap! Men would have been from Venus too but they got lost and were too pig-headed to read the map!

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Port Macquarie, Australia . They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents.? They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'C...

jules47 · jules47

Kitty and Jack My husband took up bowling and he bragged upon the phone about some dame called Kitty whom he couldn't leave aloneHe played with Kitty he stayed with Kitty he picked her up without a hitchHe missed Kitty he kissed Kitty he even layed beside her in the ditchSo I took up bowling to win my hubby...

jules47 · jules47

From:Add to ContactsTo:Undisclosed-Recipient@yahoo.com While on a road trip, an elderly couple stoppedat a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left therestaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowinglyleft her glasses on the...

Dougie · Dougie

ARE YOU A BITCH?Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist' The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K.., you know... Double Income, No Kids.' The third guy sa...

robell · robell

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday.&qu...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride! Richo

jules47 · jules47

Two egss boiling away in a pot, one says "Hey check out my crack!" The other egg answers - "Fair go, I'm not even hard yet!"

eagles · eagles

A dapper young bloke walks into a bar and tries his luck with an attractive girl alone at a table. After trying all his lines and totally dispondent that she is not at all interested,he retires to the bar and comments to the barman that he has never been knocked back like that. A minute or so later an old dru...

robell · robell

Do you need a laugh??? What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department?? and shyly walked up to? the woman behind the counter and said,? 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.?'? 'What type of bra?'?asked the clerk.? 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?' ' Look around,'...

pipes · pipes

My lady partner is always finding, and bringing home, lost or injured birds. The other day I slope into the house and there perched on the back of me favourite chair is a bloody big sea eagle. That was bad enough, but sitting on the couch were three ducks. One was reading the paper, and two were arguing o...

gubby · gubby

THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET 1. You walka pasta da Bakery. 2. You walka pasta da candy store. 3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop. 4. You walka pasta da table and da fridge. YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT!!!! Guaranteed..... -- Edited by gubby on Friday 22nd of April 2011 11:36:50 AM

jack biggles · jack biggles

Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house - Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says "Why are you throwing them away?" "Because they're upside down!" says Paddy. "You daft prat,&quo...

robell · robell

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetl...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	ATO Auditors (Preview) At the end of the tax year, the Aust Tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the ATO agent was checking the books, he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said. "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when ...	Zoomtopz	0	833	05:46 PM May 6, 2011 by Zoomtopz
	WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Preview) Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Commodore doing 100 km/h with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on th...	gubby	0	973	07:15 AM May 6, 2011 by gubby
	Offical Bingo Form (Preview) Here is something to help make Gillard's speeches almost tolerable. Just print this page, distribute it to friends, and listen to her next speech (be sure to read directions at the bottom). Rules for Bull Bingo: 1. Before Julia Gillard's next televised speech, print your "Bull**** Bin...	Wombat 280	2	860	06:34 AM May 6, 2011 by sucastja
	Quotes of the century (Preview) Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)<><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed,...	Wombat 280	1	1409	09:50 PM May 5, 2011 by gubby
	Irish Mirror (Preview) Irish MirrorAfter living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin . In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a...	Zoomtopz	0	806	05:00 PM May 5, 2011 by Zoomtopz
	Limerick (Preview) There once was a man called.. Osama Who caused the U.S such a drama When they spotted his head They shot the pr##k dead Now that's what I call karma	Loffty	0	708	09:21 PM May 4, 2011 by Loffty
	Men & Women (Preview) Men are from Mars, women are from Venus - crap! Men would have been from Venus too but they got lost and were too pig-headed to read the map!	Beth54	0	723	06:00 PM May 4, 2011 by Beth54
	Happy Hour - Half Price (Preview) Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Port Macquarie, Australia . They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents.? They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'C...	Cruising Granny	2	1229	07:30 PM May 3, 2011 by Loffty
	Kitty (Preview) Kitty and Jack My husband took up bowling and he bragged upon the phone about some dame called Kitty whom he couldn't leave aloneHe played with Kitty he stayed with Kitty he picked her up without a hitchHe missed Kitty he kissed Kitty he even layed beside her in the ditchSo I took up bowling to win my hubby...	jules47	0	974	05:17 PM May 3, 2011 by jules47
	glasses (Preview) From:Add to ContactsTo:Undisclosed-Recipient@yahoo.com While on a road trip, an elderly couple stoppedat a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left therestaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowinglyleft her glasses on the...	jules47	2	1187	02:08 PM Apr 28, 2011 by jules47
	This one is for the girls! (Preview) ARE YOU A BITCH?Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist' The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K.., you know... Double Income, No Kids.' The third guy sa...	Dougie	0	913	09:43 AM Apr 28, 2011 by Dougie
	hard lesson (Preview) Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday.&qu...	robell	0	894	05:09 PM Apr 26, 2011 by robell
	My interpretation (Preview) Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride! Richo	Zoomtopz	2	954	05:33 PM Apr 25, 2011 by robell
	Eggs (Preview) Two egss boiling away in a pot, one says "Hey check out my crack!" The other egg answers - "Fair go, I'm not even hard yet!"	jules47	0	1107	04:04 PM Apr 25, 2011 by jules47
	eyebrows (Preview) A dapper young bloke walks into a bar and tries his luck with an attractive girl alone at a table. After trying all his lines and totally dispondent that she is not at all interested,he retires to the bar and comments to the barman that he has never been knocked back like that. A minute or so later an old dru...	eagles	0	854	02:05 PM Apr 25, 2011 by eagles
	bras (Preview) Do you need a laugh??? What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department?? and shyly walked up to? the woman behind the counter and said,? 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.?'? 'What type of bra?'?asked the clerk.? 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?' ' Look around,'...	robell	1	1413	05:18 PM Apr 23, 2011 by Pam
	enough is enough (Preview) My lady partner is always finding, and bringing home, lost or injured birds. The other day I slope into the house and there perched on the back of me favourite chair is a bloody big sea eagle. That was bad enough, but sitting on the couch were three ducks. One was reading the paper, and two were arguing o...	pipes	0	1065	04:17 PM Apr 23, 2011 by pipes
	THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET (Preview) THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET 1. You walka pasta da Bakery. 2. You walka pasta da candy store. 3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop. 4. You walka pasta da table and da fridge. YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT!!!! Guaranteed..... -- Edited by gubby on Friday 22nd of April 2011 11:36:50 AM	gubby	0	821	11:33 AM Apr 22, 2011 by gubby
	upside down nails (Preview) Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house - Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says "Why are you throwing them away?" "Because they're upside down!" says Paddy. "You daft prat,&quo...	jack biggles	0	985	10:33 AM Apr 22, 2011 by jack biggles
	Laugh (Preview) I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetl...	robell	0	1102	10:09 PM Apr 21, 2011 by robell
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