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I like "Jacky's" thinking
(Preview)
A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him. One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has do...
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JayDee
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1
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767
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1st day back at school
(Preview)
Attendance call on the first day back at school. The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here.""Achmed El Kabul?" "Here.""Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here.&q...
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rosco532
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0
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693
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New Years Eve
(Preview)
Husband takes the wife to a disco for New Years Eve. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago to the day he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: &q...
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copper1
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1
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655
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Arguing with Women
(Preview)
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D and D
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1
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707
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don't you just like to trust Lawyers. ( Liers)
(Preview)
A Mafia Boss finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. (That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court). When the Godfather goes to confront Gui...
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JayDee
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0
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649
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A lesson from The Rabbi
(Preview)
DEFINITION ( EXAMPLE) OF CHUTZPAH:
A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. "I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 2 o'clock, as they are clearing everythi...
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JayDee
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0
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762
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Visit to the Doc
(Preview)
I went to the doctor yesterday, told him I was having a bit of trouble with my bladder and bowel. He asked if I was regular, I told him "yep like clock work, 6 o'clock every morning." "Well what's the problem then?" he asked "I don't wake up until 10 past!" I replied
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Hendo
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0
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573
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The Tattoo
(Preview)
A gay man decides to get a tattoo on his buttocks. On arrival at the tattooist he spots a picture of the heavyweight boxer Cassius Clay. 'Oh! He's my favourite darling. Can you do him on the cheek of my ass?' he asked the tattooist. So it was done. On the way out of the store he spots another picture on the wal...
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copper1
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1
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800
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Satan
(Preview)
One sunday morning, in a flash of flame and smoke, Satan appeared before the small town church congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front door, trampling each other in the frantic efforts to get way. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly wat...
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Hendo
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1
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722
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Stutter
(Preview)
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A liitle girl raised her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could be, asked th...
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Hendo
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1
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672
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smarter than the average kid.
(Preview)
A 5 year old boy and his 3 year old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says: 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, O...
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JayDee
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0
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779
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How did we Survive
(Preview)
"HOW DID WE SURVIVE" My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't...
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Hurls
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1
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1095
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Understanding Engineers (as emailed to me receintly)
(Preview)
Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bik...
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Mike C
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2
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1242
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LUBRICANT;
(Preview)
Lubricant Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand,' Murphy got excited by th...
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justcruisin01
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1
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721
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Spirit of Xmas
(Preview)
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed As the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile ph...
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JayDee
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1
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576
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Time for School
(Preview)
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up son, it's time to go to school!" "But why, Mum? I don't want to go." "Give me two good reasons why you don't want to go." "Well the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me too!" "Oh, that...
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Hendo
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0
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661
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Signs of a Hi-Tech Person
(Preview)
- You haven't played solitare with a real deck of cards for years. - You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three - You text your son's phone to let him know it is time for dinner. He emails you back from his bedroom "Whats for dinner?" - You chat several times a day with someone...
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Hendo
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5
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767
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Christmas
(Preview)
Paddy says to Mick Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said "Let's hope it's not the 13th then". -- This year, I hosted Christmas Dinner for family, far and wide, and everyone was encouraged to bring all the children and grandchildren as well. During dinner, my four-year-old gra...
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sarg
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1
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692
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----
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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461
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THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
(Preview)
The four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus; 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus; 3) You are Santa Claus; 4) You look like Santa Claus............Well some of us anyway...
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sarg
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0
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696
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