|
Government survey
(Preview)
Back in the days when I wore pusser's crabs (service issue boots). The skipper lined us up on the quarter deck and told us he had a survey from comand. It's only one question so it won't take long. Swain he says to me when did you last have sex? About 2 weeks ago on leave sir says I. Buffer when did you last hav...
|
navynurse
|
0
|
590
|
|
|
|
|
Irish Text Message
(Preview)
IRISH TEXT MESSAGE: Paddy texts his wife: Mary, I'm just having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.
|
Vic41
|
0
|
730
|
|
|
|
|
The Wife...
(Preview)
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get Reincarnated but mustcome back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said: "You obviously haven't beenlistening." ----------------------------------------------------------------...
|
Gunsondeck
|
0
|
596
|
|
|
|
|
Neighbours-
(Preview)
|
Gunsondeck
|
0
|
583
|
|
|
|
|
keeping track of the trip
(Preview)
I was wondering how everyone keeps track of their trips ie:- Photos, places visited, camps, good petrol prices, expenses, ect Do you used online resources, exercise books, PC's or apps We are about to head off in a few weeks for our first trip. We starting to get a tad excited Jen Sorry this has gone in...
|
Jenzarl
|
6
|
757
|
|
|
|
|
the soldier
(Preview)
Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, A passing soldier assures her that he can help.She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, .....Rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.Magically it opens......."That's so clever," the woman gasp...
|
sarg
|
1
|
655
|
|
|
|
|
Wife finding...
(Preview)
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere....
|
rockylizard
|
0
|
602
|
|
|
|
|
Happy & Sad
(Preview)
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She said, "You have the biggest p*nis of all you...
|
Hendo
|
0
|
620
|
|
|
|
|
Letter to God
(Preview)
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow,...
|
Hendo
|
4
|
1402
|
|
|
|
|
The real Clinton story
(Preview)
Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was...
|
Gunsondeck
|
0
|
664
|
|
|
|
|
New Victa
(Preview)
|
Gunsondeck
|
0
|
597
|
|
|
|
|
The Boss
(Preview)
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then attached it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that som...
|
rockylizard
|
0
|
576
|
|
|
|
|
Poof ! The Light Goes On & Off !
(Preview)
A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so tha...
|
Vic41
|
0
|
613
|
|
|
|
|
Dear God
(Preview)
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old wido...
|
Vic41
|
0
|
577
|
|
|
|
|
How to get to Heaven from Scotland...
(Preview)
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!" the children answere...
|
Vic41
|
4
|
691
|
|
|
|
|
The Hookers Union
(Preview)
The Hookers Union A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Wel...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
907
|
|
|
|
|
The hardest part of being a guide dog
(Preview)
The hardest part of being a guide dog!
|
Hurls
|
0
|
654
|
|
|
|
|
Amish Warmth
(Preview)
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was ridin...
|
Hurls
|
0
|
572
|
|
|
|
|
My New Pet
(Preview)
A woman went to a pet shop and spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and som...
|
2foot6
|
0
|
657
|
|
|
|
|
Ralph & Edna
(Preview)
Ralph and Edna, madly in love, were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while walking hand in hand past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end, sank to the bottom and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out and save...
|
Hendo
|
0
|
767
|
|
|
