Just Joking

learmo · learmo

I saw a car parked outside Woolies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs" So I smashed the window, let down the tyres, stole the radio, left a few empty VB cans on the back seat, with a note saying "Hope this helps" -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:...

learmo · learmo

The way we do it in Australia!!!!!!!! This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the n...

Hendo · Hendo

The teach told the class that she wanted them to use the word 'contagious' in a short story Looking around the class she spots little Johnny and thinks to herself, "here's my chance to show the little bugger up." "Johnny, give a me a short story with the word contagious in it"...

Vic41 · Vic41

Please accept my apologies if I repeat a joke that has already been on the forum, sometimes a search does not bring them up especially under a different title. Also some jokes I get I have had and seen before and are oldies but goodies, someone may not have seen them, so apologies to those who have seen t...

Hendo · Hendo

Teacher asked little Johnny, "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?" As quick as a flash Jonny replies " 7 , Miss." Teacher shakes her head and says "No, listen carefully... if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and anothe...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay; what's your name?" "Its Bob, and Im OK thanks," I replied. "Bob, fo...

tonyd · tonyd

Brilliant in its simplicity ..... A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.

Vic41 · Vic41

Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody not...

Vic41 · Vic41

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and...

Vic41 · Vic41

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' ! 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Why is it so....?? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is a per...

Vic41 · Vic41

Theatre Seats for Seniors An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "...

Vic41 · Vic41

Hot and Cold Sex: After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her t...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

This is probably the best Prayer for any "older" couple before bedtime..

Hendo · Hendo

Mick and Paddy have been invited to a party. They turn up, only to find out its a fancy dress party but the host tells them they cant come in unless they are dressed as an emotion. Whats an emotions? asks Mick. The host points to a lady dressed entirely in green. Shes come as Envy and that bloke over there dr...

Vic41 · Vic41

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs . He was worried that it might be something the doctors hadn't told him about it. He finally had enough e...

Vic41 · Vic41

A man and his wife moved back home to Saskatchewan, from Vancouver. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in BC (British Columbia) was $2000.00 a year! When they arrived in Saskatchewan, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. The agent looked it up on t...

Peterpan · Peterpan

You can blame Vic41 he started it. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. I put a worm on my tongue and now I'm waiting with baited breath. A will is a dead giveaway. Kevin

Vic41 · Vic41

These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) _________________________ _______________________ Q: Does it eve...

Vic41 · Vic41

The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain - his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish ccaptain activates th...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Homesick (Preview) I saw a car parked outside Woolies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs" So I smashed the window, let down the tyres, stole the radio, left a few empty VB cans on the back seat, with a note saying "Hope this helps" -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:...	learmo	0	628	09:26 PM Mar 15, 2014 by learmo
	Good Barter (Preview) The way we do it in Australia!!!!!!!! This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the n...	learmo	0	629	09:21 PM Mar 15, 2014 by learmo
	More little Johnny (Preview) The teach told the class that she wanted them to use the word 'contagious' in a short story Looking around the class she spots little Johnny and thinks to herself, "here's my chance to show the little bugger up." "Johnny, give a me a short story with the word contagious in it"...	Hendo	5	907	09:02 PM Mar 15, 2014 by revemike
	Apologies For Repeat Or Old Jokes.... (Preview) Please accept my apologies if I repeat a joke that has already been on the forum, sometimes a search does not bring them up especially under a different title. Also some jokes I get I have had and seen before and are oldies but goodies, someone may not have seen them, so apologies to those who have seen t...	Vic41	14	1233	05:34 PM Mar 15, 2014 by Peterpan
	Logic (Preview) Teacher asked little Johnny, "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?" As quick as a flash Jonny replies " 7 , Miss." Teacher shakes her head and says "No, listen carefully... if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and anothe...	Hendo	1	697	10:29 AM Mar 15, 2014 by Vic41
	My wife won't like it (Preview) One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay; what's your name?" "Its Bob, and Im OK thanks," I replied. "Bob, fo...	Gunsondeck	0	807	06:53 PM Mar 14, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Future of the Greens (Preview) Brilliant in its simplicity ..... A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.	tonyd	4	784	12:56 AM Mar 14, 2014 by tonyd
	Sometimes.... (Preview) Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody not...	Vic41	0	627	11:04 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Vic41
	Boys Favourite Animal (Preview) Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and...	Vic41	0	686	11:00 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Vic41
	Alter Boy Confession..... (Preview) 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' ! 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later...	Vic41	0	569	10:54 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Vic41
	I Have Questions... (Preview) Why is it so....?? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is a per...	Gunsondeck	1	740	10:09 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Peterpan
	Seniors Theatre Seating..... (Preview) Theatre Seats for Seniors An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "...	Vic41	2	669	11:07 PM Mar 12, 2014 by Vic41
	Hot and Cold Seniors Sex (Preview) Hot and Cold Sex: After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her t...	Vic41	2	870	11:05 PM Mar 12, 2014 by Vic41
	Guidance... (Preview) This is probably the best Prayer for any "older" couple before bedtime..	Gunsondeck	9	707	07:29 PM Mar 12, 2014 by JRH
	Mick & Paddy - Rated XXX (Preview) Mick and Paddy have been invited to a party. They turn up, only to find out its a fancy dress party but the host tells them they cant come in unless they are dressed as an emotion. Whats an emotions? asks Mick. The host points to a lady dressed entirely in green. Shes come as Envy and that bloke over there dr...	Hendo	0	696	03:55 PM Mar 12, 2014 by Hendo
	The Policeman and The Nurse.... (Preview) A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs . He was worried that it might be something the doctors hadn't told him about it. He finally had enough e...	Vic41	0	836	05:18 PM Mar 11, 2014 by Vic41
	Canadian Insurance.... (Preview) A man and his wife moved back home to Saskatchewan, from Vancouver. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in BC (British Columbia) was $2000.00 a year! When they arrived in Saskatchewan, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. The agent looked it up on t...	Vic41	0	609	05:15 PM Mar 11, 2014 by Vic41
	A Couple More. (Preview) You can blame Vic41 he started it. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. I put a worm on my tongue and now I'm waiting with baited breath. A will is a dead giveaway. Kevin	Peterpan	4	710	12:46 PM Mar 11, 2014 by Hendo
	Travel Humour - Tourists Website (Preview) These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) _________________________ _______________________ Q: Does it eve...	Vic41	4	891	10:24 PM Mar 10, 2014 by Vic41
	Pilot to Co-Pilot.... (Preview) The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain - his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish ccaptain activates th...	Vic41	0	735	09:01 AM Mar 10, 2014 by Vic41
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