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THE ultimate guards stuff ups
(Preview)
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dING
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3
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774
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Wasing Machine
(Preview)
A bloke I know is walking behind his wife and says, "Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine." The wife keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for sex. The wife says: "I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small loa...
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jimbo
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0
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682
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Blonde Jokes
(Preview)
A ventriloquist is touring the outback and puts on a show in a small RSL club. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde in fourth row stands on her chair and shouts, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can...
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Hendo
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0
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836
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SERIOUS WARNING ABOUT BUYING ON eBay!!
(Preview)
WARNING ABOUT eBAY Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully. A friend has just spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger. The Bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The brief instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."
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Gunsondeck
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0
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532
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Another Colonoscopy Joke...
(Preview)
'Colonoscopy' !! Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in Thailand . Where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nur...
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Vic41
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0
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617
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OUR ABC WORKING FOR US?????
(Preview)
In an online story about MH370 our faithful ABC referred to Malaysia's director general of information, Dato Haji Ibrahim Abdul Rahman, has defended his government's approach to disseminating information etc etc It then went on to say Mr Dato. Another well researched/edited article as Dato is a...
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Baz421
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5
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1237
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Western Queensland Girl....
(Preview)
I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied "Have you got a pen?"She smiled and said "Yes." I replied, "Well you better get back...
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Vic41
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6
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811
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Feminist Intellectuals
(Preview)
How many feminist intellectuals does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and many more to discuss the passive role of the socket!
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arthur
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0
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574
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Retirement
(Preview)
WhyI Like Retirement ! Question:How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question:When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question:How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question:What's the bigg...
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JRH
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2
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812
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Card Players
(Preview)
Three old men were sitting together in the nursing home playing cards. One said he was going up the stairs to have a bath. As the two other men were not far away they could hear him; "Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?","Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?",...
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arthur
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0
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653
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Confessional Box
(Preview)
CONFESSIONAL BOX A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on...
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Hurls
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0
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555
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How to get to Heaven from Ireland
(Preview)
A Sunday School teacher was testing children in a Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I...
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Hurls
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0
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572
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A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS
(Preview)
A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notic...
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Hurls
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0
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702
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Little Johnnie
(Preview)
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from The hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no...
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Hurls
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0
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591
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FOREST... Profound question...
(Preview)
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Gunsondeck
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2
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787
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a downpip
(Preview)
The final accessory for a mans shed.
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dING
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1
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596
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Porta Potty Transport Application Form
(Preview)
The dog lady wrote; "Honestly, I think it's getting so I might have to get govt permission to carry the porta-potti ." http://thegreynomads.activeboard.com/t57143336/sedan-conversion/So I thought I might draw up the application form. See attached
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arthur
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3
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733
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THE OLD GOLFER;;
(Preview)
The "Old Golfer" A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lio...
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justcruisin01
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0
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836
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Taxi
(Preview)
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading forSalford station leaned over to ask the driver a questionAnd gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearlyHit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just Inches from a large plate window.Fo...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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597
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I'M O.K. LUV.
(Preview)
A bloke is involved in a road accident and sends a text message to his wife from the Emergency Room. "Hi love. Please don't worry but a car has hit me as I came out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays since I regained consciousness. The blow t...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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596
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