Just Joking

Vic41 · Vic41

I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied "Have you got a pen?"She smiled and said "Yes." I replied, "Well you better get back...

arthur · arthur

How many feminist intellectuals does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and many more to discuss the passive role of the socket!

JRH · JRH

WhyI Like Retirement ! Question:How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question:When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question:How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question:What's the bigg...

arthur · arthur

Three old men were sitting together in the nursing home playing cards. One said he was going up the stairs to have a bath. As the two other men were not far away they could hear him; "Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?","Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?",...

Hurls · Hurls

CONFESSIONAL BOX A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on...

Hurls · Hurls

A Sunday School teacher was testing children in a Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I...

Hurls · Hurls

A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notic...

Hurls · Hurls

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from The hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

dING · dING

The final accessory for a mans shed.

arthur · arthur

The dog lady wrote; "Honestly, I think it's getting so I might have to get govt permission to carry the porta-potti ." http://thegreynomads.activeboard.com/t57143336/sedan-conversion/So I thought I might draw up the application form. See attached

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

The "Old Golfer" A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lio...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading forSalford station leaned over to ask the driver a questionAnd gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearlyHit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just Inches from a large plate window.Fo...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

A bloke is involved in a road accident and sends a text message to his wife from the Emergency Room. "Hi love. Please don't worry but a car has hit me as I came out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays since I regained consciousness. The blow t...

Vic41 · Vic41

Peeing on the Flowers A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills fa...

Yendorane · Yendorane

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

SEX FROGS Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybodys watching her.She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,Ill TAKE one! As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her,Just follow the instructions! The blonde nods, grabs th...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Colon All the organs of the body were having a meeting, Trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said thebrain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said theblood, "Becau...

Peterpan · Peterpan

(Nothing related to the vertically challenged.) Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks? If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we know? Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why do we wash bath towels, aren't we cl...

dING · dING

Use the Taser Mick ------------- Use the bloody Taser -- Edited by dING on Tuesday 1st of April 2014 09:48:57 AM

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Western Queensland Girl.... (Preview) I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied "Have you got a pen?"She smiled and said "Yes." I replied, "Well you better get back...	Vic41	6	749	09:55 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Vic41
	Feminist Intellectuals (Preview) How many feminist intellectuals does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and many more to discuss the passive role of the socket!	arthur	0	551	09:22 PM Apr 3, 2014 by arthur
	Retirement (Preview) WhyI Like Retirement ! Question:How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question:When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question:How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question:What's the bigg...	JRH	2	794	09:19 PM Apr 3, 2014 by arthur
	Card Players (Preview) Three old men were sitting together in the nursing home playing cards. One said he was going up the stairs to have a bath. As the two other men were not far away they could hear him; "Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?","Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?",...	arthur	0	620	08:40 PM Apr 3, 2014 by arthur
	Confessional Box (Preview) CONFESSIONAL BOX A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on...	Hurls	0	538	08:02 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Hurls
	How to get to Heaven from Ireland (Preview) A Sunday School teacher was testing children in a Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I...	Hurls	0	540	08:00 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Hurls
	A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS (Preview) A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notic...	Hurls	0	675	07:57 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Hurls
	Little Johnnie (Preview) Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from The hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no...	Hurls	0	569	07:53 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Hurls
	FOREST... Profound question... (Preview)	Gunsondeck	2	771	05:41 PM Apr 3, 2014 by bill12
	a downpip (Preview) The final accessory for a mans shed.	dING	1	575	05:28 PM Apr 3, 2014 by Baz421
	Porta Potty Transport Application Form (Preview) The dog lady wrote; "Honestly, I think it's getting so I might have to get govt permission to carry the porta-potti ." http://thegreynomads.activeboard.com/t57143336/sedan-conversion/So I thought I might draw up the application form. See attached	arthur	3	714	11:54 PM Apr 2, 2014 by The dog lady
	THE OLD GOLFER;; (Preview) The "Old Golfer" A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lio...	justcruisin01	0	811	07:54 PM Apr 2, 2014 by justcruisin01
	Taxi (Preview) Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading forSalford station leaned over to ask the driver a questionAnd gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearlyHit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just Inches from a large plate window.Fo...	Gunsondeck	0	558	06:34 PM Apr 2, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	I'M O.K. LUV. (Preview) A bloke is involved in a road accident and sends a text message to his wife from the Emergency Room. "Hi love. Please don't worry but a car has hit me as I came out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays since I regained consciousness. The blow t...	Gunsondeck	0	563	06:32 PM Apr 2, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Peeing On The Flowers..... (Preview) Peeing on the Flowers A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills fa...	Vic41	0	737	01:41 PM Apr 2, 2014 by Vic41
	Gotta love the Irish (Preview) Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'	Yendorane	1	702	10:37 AM Apr 2, 2014 by Ame25
	SEX FROGS;; (Preview) SEX FROGS Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybodys watching her.She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,Ill TAKE one! As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her,Just follow the instructions! The blonde nods, grabs th...	justcruisin01	0	709	07:10 PM Apr 1, 2014 by justcruisin01
	COLONOSCOPY; (Preview) *Colon* All the organs of the body were having a meeting, Trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said thebrain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said theblood, "Becau...	justcruisin01	2	758	03:29 PM Apr 1, 2014 by mongrel
	Short jokes (Preview) (Nothing related to the vertically challenged.) Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks? If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we know? Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why do we wash bath towels, aren't we cl...	Peterpan	0	561	10:10 AM Apr 1, 2014 by Peterpan
	Irish Police (Preview) Use the Taser Mick ------------- Use the bloody Taser -- Edited by dING on Tuesday 1st of April 2014 09:48:57 AM	dING	0	540	09:48 AM Apr 1, 2014 by dING
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