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Country doctor
(Preview)
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The old...
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Woody2
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1
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790
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Dog food diet
(Preview)
ANIMAL JOKESARMY JOKESBLONDE JOKESCRIME JOKESDEATH This Guy Was Buying Dog Food For His Pet. What One Woman Asks Him Will Blow You Away.January 22, 20161Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was ab...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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798
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Blonde again
(Preview)
A boss says to a blonde waitress, Could you please fill up the salt dispenser?An hour later shes still at it, so he asks, What happened, why is it taking so long?She whips back, Do you know how hard it is to get the salt through those little holes -- Edited by Woody n Sue on Tuesday 24th of May 2016 08:10:41 P...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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740
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A Nun Grading Papers
(Preview)
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THE...
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Yarra
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3
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849
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Lions Sex
(Preview)
LIONS SEX Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?" "Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!
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Yarra
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1
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1125
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Irish Remorse..........
(Preview)
IRISH REMORSE....... APOLOGY FROM AN IRISH HOSPITAL...... Dear Mr Murphy Esq. We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on the shaft of your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was found to be lipstick. We deeply regret the amputation we carr...
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goldfinger
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0
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774
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The jackeroo
(Preview)
The old grey nomad had been jackarooing on a remote property in outback Queensland for the past month when suddenly a brand new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie leans out the window and asks the old grey nom...
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gumpybsc
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3
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1356
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Digging a hole
(Preview)
Fred & Jim had joined the army coz they were no good as anything else so they thought the army was a secure way of a job. Well it didn't matter what job they were given by the Sarge, they still managed to stuff it up some how. The sarge was fed up with them so he was looking for a job that was within their minu...
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Baggie
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0
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823
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Gotb it Right in One
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near. "I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest. The nurse sent the request to par...
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Wombat 280
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0
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754
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Getting older....
(Preview)
Another year has passed And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter And winter seems much colder. There was a time not long ago When life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand About 'Living in the Past' We used to go to weddings, Football games and lunches.. Now we go to funeral homes And af...
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Delta18
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1
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767
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Philosophers of the Century.
(Preview)
John Glenn - As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ************************************************************** Desmond Tutu - When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible an...
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aussie_paul
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3
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1200
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Bar joke: Asphalt
(Preview)
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks "A beer please, and one for the road."
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gumpybsc
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0
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736
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Making a baby
(Preview)
Making a baby. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chan...
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Woody2
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1
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1088
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I'm tired!
(Preview)
Yes, I'm tired. For several years now I've been blaming it on old age, droop, poor blood flow, poor diet, poor air quality, artificial ingredients in food, lack of exercise or too much exercise, stress, hayfever, and a heap of other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living. I haven'...
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gumpybsc
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1
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934
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Old priest lay dying
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in a hospital in Canberra, Australia. He had served the people of the nation's capital for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near."Yes father?" said the nurse."I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull, Prime Minister and Bill Shorten, Opposition L...
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Woody2
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2
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906
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Some Irish stuff...
(Preview)
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty.""That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."Keenan: "What on earth i...
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aussie_paul
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0
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841
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Raisin bread
(Preview)
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear veryshort skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant id...
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Woody2
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0
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888
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DAFFY DEFINITIONS
(Preview)
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper, with fire at one end, and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelors degree, and a woman gains her masters. LECTURE: An art of transmitting information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of stude...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1036
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
Jewish Comedians. Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humour.Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below: A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-i...
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aussie_paul
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0
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861
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Golf club notice
(Preview)
Sign posted at a local golf club: ADVICE FOR MEMBERS AND GUESTS 1. Keep your back straight, knees bent, and feet shoulder width apart 2. Form a loose grip 3. Keep your head down 4. Avoid a quick back swing 5. Stay out of the water 6. Try not to hit anyone 7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahea...
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gumpybsc
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2
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788
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