Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Fifty Shades of Grey The missus bought a Paperback,down Shepton Mallet way,I had a look inside her bagTwas Fifty Shades of Grey.Well I just left her to it,And at ten I went to bed.An hour later she appeared;The sight filled me with dread.In her left hand she held a rope;And in her right a whip!She thre...

goldfinger · goldfinger

Paddy's pregnant sister was involved in a nasty car accident and was placed into a deep coma. After being in the Coma for nearly six months, she re-gained consciousness and saw she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the Doctor about her baby. The Doctor replied.."All is fine...you...

Magnarc · Magnarc

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then attached it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that som...

Yarra · Yarra

There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with m...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

goldfinger · goldfinger

Sent to me by a supposed mate.......... Kidnappers are not very interested in you...and in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No One expects you to run anymore. People call at 9pm....or 9am and ask.."Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. ...

Bruce and Bev · Bruce and Bev

A couple have been married for 60 years and their 13 kids decide to chip in and pay to send them on their original honeymoon. Some of the roads and hotels have long since gone, but the hotel they spent their marriage night in still survives and has only had modest updates. The couple arrive that late after...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

For all men and women that remember the past, ........ how different we are. A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates...

Moorey · Moorey

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the tablecloth b...

Woody2 · Woody2

It is best to whisper!! A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was dee...

goldfinger · goldfinger

A bloke had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there. "No," the man replied, "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," sai...

Aus-Kiwi · Aus-Kiwi

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,...

goldfinger · goldfinger

The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by the Doctor. "In...inf...in front of you?" He asks shyly... The nurse says: "Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.... The patient said: "But not one like mine...you'd die laughing at...

goldfinger · goldfinger

MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES.. A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him..... She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought....jus...

goldfinger · goldfinger

Four old retired blokes are walking down a street in Maroochydore. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'OLD TIMER'S BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!' They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is tooo good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Com...

Yarra · Yarra

..while his wife waits at home. He promises to be back by five.Five'o'clock comes and goes and the husband hasn't come back yet. Gradually, the hours tick by and no sign of the husband. The wife is about to go looking for him when the front door opens and the husband shuffles in.The wife is worried sick.&...

Yarra · Yarra

A Scottish-born Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied formembership at a local golf club. About a week later he received a letter that his application hadbeen rejected. He went to the club to inquire as to why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot: Aye, and I am a...

goldfinger · goldfinger

A Hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?" The bloke says, "Yes mate I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm currently having another argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out of this room's window." Th...

Yarra · Yarra

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square offfor the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Fifty Shades of Grey (Preview) Fifty Shades of Grey The missus bought a Paperback,down Shepton Mallet way,I had a look inside her bagTwas Fifty Shades of Grey.Well I just left her to it,And at ten I went to bed.An hour later she appeared;The sight filled me with dread.In her left hand she held a rope;And in her right a whip!She thre...	aussie_paul	0	1160	12:13 PM Mar 12, 2016 by aussie_paul
	Golden Oldie...'The Irish Christening'.... (Preview) Paddy's pregnant sister was involved in a nasty car accident and was placed into a deep coma. After being in the Coma for nearly six months, she re-gained consciousness and saw she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the Doctor about her baby. The Doctor replied.."All is fine...you...	goldfinger	0	1118	11:06 PM Mar 10, 2016 by goldfinger
	Who's da Boss? (Preview) The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then attached it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that som...	Magnarc	1	1131	08:20 PM Mar 8, 2016 by grahos
	Loophole (Preview) There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with m...	Yarra	1	1189	08:02 PM Mar 7, 2016 by grahos
	Saying Grace and a mans look (Preview)	Woody n Sue	0	1108	09:39 AM Mar 6, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	Who is Tina (Preview)	Woody n Sue	0	1004	09:18 AM Mar 6, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	There are perks to reaching seventy.... (Preview) Sent to me by a supposed mate.......... Kidnappers are not very interested in you...and in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No One expects you to run anymore. People call at 9pm....or 9am and ask.."Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. ...	goldfinger	0	1158	10:51 PM Mar 4, 2016 by goldfinger
	60th Wedding Night (Preview) A couple have been married for 60 years and their 13 kids decide to chip in and pay to send them on their original honeymoon. Some of the roads and hotels have long since gone, but the hotel they spent their marriage night in still survives and has only had modest updates. The couple arrive that late after...	Bruce and Bev	2	1266	09:27 PM Mar 4, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	Men see things differently. (Preview) For all men and women that remember the past, ........ how different we are. A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates...	aussie_paul	0	985	12:21 PM Mar 4, 2016 by aussie_paul
	A Romantic Dinner (Preview) A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the tablecloth b...	Moorey	0	947	08:55 AM Mar 4, 2016 by Moorey
	Its best to whisper (Preview) It is best to whisper!! A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was dee...	Woody2	1	1190	10:46 PM Mar 3, 2016 by KFT
	Super Bowl...Yanks love their Gridiron... (Preview) A bloke had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there. "No," the man replied, "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," sai...	goldfinger	0	860	05:20 PM Mar 3, 2016 by goldfinger
	Are my testicles black ? (Preview) A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,...	Aus-Kiwi	1	1033	12:08 AM Mar 2, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	Just a tiny phallusy....... (Preview) The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by the Doctor. "In...inf...in front of you?" He asks shyly... The nurse says: "Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.... The patient said: "But not one like mine...you'd die laughing at...	goldfinger	0	1089	07:38 PM Mar 1, 2016 by goldfinger
	You Ladies only THINK men don't remember Anniversaries...... (Preview) MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES.. A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him..... She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought....jus...	goldfinger	0	975	01:01 PM Mar 1, 2016 by goldfinger
	Old Timer's Bar.... (Preview) Four old retired blokes are walking down a street in Maroochydore. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'OLD TIMER'S BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!' They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is tooo good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Com...	goldfinger	1	1099	07:56 PM Feb 29, 2016 by rockylizard
	A man goes out to play golf... (Preview) ..while his wife waits at home. He promises to be back by five.Five'o'clock comes and goes and the husband hasn't come back yet. Gradually, the hours tick by and no sign of the husband. The wife is about to go looking for him when the front door opens and the husband shuffles in.The wife is worried sick.&...	Yarra	0	876	09:00 AM Feb 29, 2016 by Yarra
	SCOTTISH JEW AND THE GOLF CLUB (Preview) A Scottish-born Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied formembership at a local golf club. About a week later he received a letter that his application hadbeen rejected. He went to the club to inquire as to why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot: Aye, and I am a...	Yarra	0	789	08:51 AM Feb 29, 2016 by Yarra
	....and a few more zingers........ (Preview) A Hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?" The bloke says, "Yes mate I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm currently having another argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out of this room's window." Th...	goldfinger	1	1150	11:05 PM Feb 26, 2016 by Hey Jim
	Irish Wrestler (Preview) A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square offfor the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots...	Yarra	1	1116	10:10 AM Feb 26, 2016 by Woody n Sue
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