Just Joking

fwdoz · fwdoz

Twin sisters in a nursing home were turning 100 years old.The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins.One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters...

fwdoz · fwdoz

Dogs cant operate MRI machines. But catscan. I went to play with my boomerang, but forgot how to use it. Then it came back to me. A monk paid $20 for a hotdog. When he asked the vendor where his change was, the vendor replied "Change comes from within" Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they are she...

fwdoz · fwdoz

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, Ill serve you, but dont start anything. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems. Without geometry life is pointless. A termite walks into a bar and asks Is the b...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

Whether you like him or not...it is funny!Turnbull was in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below so he descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised Bill Shorten I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.' The man b...

fwdoz · fwdoz

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happene...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

When I born, I black,When I grew up, I black,When I sick, I black,When I go out in the sun, I black,When I cold, I black,When I die, I still be black,But you, When you born, you pink,When you grow up, you white,When you sick, you green,When you go out in the sun, you red,When you're cold, you blue,When you d...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

This one is a bit longer but some Australian Bush Poetry is very funny! Full marks to Claude Morris on this one! A Grave Situation© Claude Morris When I staggered away from my favourite pub, The night was dark and still, And I thought I'd take a short cut home, That led over Cemetery Hill. Now I'm not a he...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

The Pig'Twas an evening in November As I very well remember I was strolling down the street in drunken pride But my knees were all a-flutter So I landed in the gutter And a pig came up and lay down by my sideYes, I lay there in the gutter Thinking thoughts I could not utter When a lady passing by did softly say...

rgren2 · rgren2

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.The little boy...

Possum3 · Possum3

A woman was spying on her new neighbours who moved in the week before. Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why dont you do that? The woman asked her husband. How can I? I dont even know her, he said.

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done." The elder nod...

rgren2 · rgren2

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater"I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?-A depresso. Aussie Paul.

fwdoz · fwdoz

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see". Watson replied "I see millions and millions of...

Possum3 · Possum3

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person. The following day, she heard the doorb...

fwdoz · fwdoz

-What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it? -If poison is past its expiry date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?-Which letter is silent in the word "Scent", the S or the C? -Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. -...

fwdoz · fwdoz

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...

fwdoz · fwdoz

A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini-skirt and a halter top.The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply "Young man, I thought you said you would hold...

fwdoz · fwdoz

One day a woman decided to gather up all of her old clothes that she no longer wore and donate them. She got them all bagged up, walked into the living room where her husband was watching TV and said "Look at this! I'm going to donate all of these old clothes!" The husband replied "Why don't you just thrown t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	100 year old twins (Preview) Twin sisters in a nursing home were turning 100 years old.The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins.One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters...	fwdoz	2	680	09:20 PM Jul 24, 2018 by Blues Man
	More dad jokes (Preview) Dogs cant operate MRI machines. But catscan. I went to play with my boomerang, but forgot how to use it. Then it came back to me. A monk paid $20 for a hotdog. When he asked the vendor where his change was, the vendor replied "Change comes from within" Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they are she...	fwdoz	1	567	09:19 PM Jul 24, 2018 by Blues Man
	But wait theres more (Preview) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, Ill serve you, but dont start anything. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems. Without geometry life is pointless. A termite walks into a bar and asks Is the b...	fwdoz	1	706	09:17 PM Jul 24, 2018 by Blues Man
	Irish Sawmill Accident (Preview) Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh...	Dave1952	1	740	09:15 PM Jul 24, 2018 by Blues Man
	Turnbull and the Engineer (Preview) Whether you like him or not...it is funny!Turnbull was in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below so he descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised Bill Shorten I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.' The man b...	Dave1952	0	716	07:46 PM Jul 24, 2018 by Dave1952
	And still they come (Preview) Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happene...	fwdoz	0	597	06:02 PM Jul 24, 2018 by fwdoz
	You got the hide to call me Coloured (Preview) When I born, I black,When I grew up, I black,When I sick, I black,When I go out in the sun, I black,When I cold, I black,When I die, I still be black,But you, When you born, you pink,When you grow up, you white,When you sick, you green,When you go out in the sun, you red,When you're cold, you blue,When you d...	Dave1952	1	645	07:38 AM Jul 24, 2018 by Blues Man
	A Grave Situation (Preview) This one is a bit longer but some Australian Bush Poetry is very funny! Full marks to Claude Morris on this one! A Grave Situation© Claude Morris When I staggered away from my favourite pub, The night was dark and still, And I thought I'd take a short cut home, That led over Cemetery Hill. Now I'm not a he...	Dave1952	0	757	08:20 PM Jul 23, 2018 by Dave1952
	The Pig (Preview) The Pig'Twas an evening in November As I very well remember I was strolling down the street in drunken pride But my knees were all a-flutter So I landed in the gutter And a pig came up and lay down by my sideYes, I lay there in the gutter Thinking thoughts I could not utter When a lady passing by did softly say...	Dave1952	0	548	08:17 PM Jul 23, 2018 by Dave1952
	The baseball (Preview) A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.The little boy...	rgren2	1	591	07:56 PM Jul 23, 2018 by Blues Man
	New neighbour. (Preview) A woman was spying on her new neighbours who moved in the week before. Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why dont you do that? The woman asked her husband. How can I? I dont even know her, he said.	Possum3	1	724	07:54 PM Jul 23, 2018 by Blues Man
	Where Did White fella Go Wrong? (Preview) A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done." The elder nod...	aussie_paul	2	683	07:53 PM Jul 23, 2018 by Blues Man
	Manatee (Preview) So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater"I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I...	rgren2	0	736	01:55 AM Jul 23, 2018 by rgren2
	lol... (Preview) What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?-A depresso. Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	1	592	09:40 PM Jul 22, 2018 by JA2340
	Sherlock Holmes (Preview) Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see". Watson replied "I see millions and millions of...	fwdoz	1	655	05:20 PM Jul 21, 2018 by Steve794
	Lonely widow. (Preview) A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person. The following day, she heard the doorb...	Possum3	1	964	02:18 PM Jul 21, 2018 by goldenyears
	Stuff that will keep you awake at night (Preview) -What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it? -If poison is past its expiry date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?-Which letter is silent in the word "Scent", the S or the C? -Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. -...	fwdoz	0	782	04:31 PM Jul 20, 2018 by fwdoz
	The funeral procession (Preview) A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walki...	fwdoz	0	520	04:17 PM Jul 20, 2018 by fwdoz
	The car salesman (Preview) A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini-skirt and a halter top.The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply "Young man, I thought you said you would hold...	fwdoz	0	525	04:09 PM Jul 20, 2018 by fwdoz
	Donating old clothes (Preview) One day a woman decided to gather up all of her old clothes that she no longer wore and donate them. She got them all bagged up, walked into the living room where her husband was watching TV and said "Look at this! I'm going to donate all of these old clothes!" The husband replied "Why don't you just thrown t...	fwdoz	0	589	04:02 PM Jul 20, 2018 by fwdoz
«First < 1 … 344 345 346 347 348 … 677 > Last» \| Page of 677 sorted by