Just Joking

fwdoz · fwdoz

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a...

fwdoz · fwdoz

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, bec...

fwdoz · fwdoz

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they...

Possum3 · Possum3

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom, "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes". Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expr...

Possum3 · Possum3

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, in which impatient passengers fretted in their seats, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by...

Possum3 · Possum3

A blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the front of the cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat i...

rockylizard · rockylizard

Gday... cheers - John

fwdoz · fwdoz

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable...

fwdoz · fwdoz

Dear Tech Support Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initializat...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini.The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.Just at that moment he looked up at the boss s...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the worlds worst at getting instructions mixed up.When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers.It had all the latest gadgets on it.Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set th...

fwdoz · fwdoz

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an ho...

sarg · sarg

Little Johnny's at it again... The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate' no...

rgren2 · rgren2

A $50 Lesson:Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.She said she wanted to be Prime Minister someday...

Paintar · Paintar

The night was moonless, bleak and heavy with misting rain.There had been a terrible accident. The wet crumpled body was lifted with careful hands from the twisted wreckage to the waiting gurney. Flashing red lights alone lit the night and the shining lifeless face. Much later, the last survivor, l...

Dickodownunder · Dickodownunder

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists foundtraces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion thattheir ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an Americanarcha...

rgren2 · rgren2

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they wont tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.Well, he said, Its what mommy c...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Painting Thief (Preview) A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a...	fwdoz	0	726	07:15 PM May 18, 2018 by fwdoz
	Scotch (Preview) I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, bec...	fwdoz	0	637	07:12 PM May 18, 2018 by fwdoz
	Fries (Preview) There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they...	fwdoz	0	789	07:09 PM May 18, 2018 by fwdoz
	Another one. (Preview) A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom, "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes". Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expr...	Possum3	1	1021	04:12 PM May 17, 2018 by Blues Man
	Not the answer he wanted. (Preview) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, in which impatient passengers fretted in their seats, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by...	Possum3	1	859	08:23 PM May 15, 2018 by Blues Man
	The right way (Preview) A blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the front of the cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat i...	Possum3	1	982	08:22 PM May 15, 2018 by Blues Man
	Band Auditions (Preview) Gday... cheers - John	rockylizard	0	979	08:12 PM May 13, 2018 by rockylizard
	Tech Relationship Version 2.0 (Preview) Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable...	fwdoz	0	792	05:20 PM May 12, 2018 by fwdoz
	Technology Relationship (Preview) Dear Tech Support Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initializat...	fwdoz	0	786	05:08 PM May 12, 2018 by fwdoz
	Sex education from Johny (Preview)	Woody n Sue	0	865	02:13 PM May 12, 2018 by Woody n Sue
	Fast thinking barman (Preview) A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini.The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.Just at that moment he looked up at the boss s...	Woody n Sue	0	766	02:12 PM May 12, 2018 by Woody n Sue
	Coffee maker oh alright it’s a blond joke (Preview) Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the worlds worst at getting instructions mixed up.When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers.It had all the latest gadgets on it.Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set th...	Woody n Sue	0	776	07:04 PM May 11, 2018 by Woody n Sue
	What is Microsoft good for? (Preview) There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an ho...	fwdoz	0	773	06:18 PM May 11, 2018 by fwdoz
	oh no, not little Johnny again..... (Preview) Little Johnny's at it again... The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate' no...	sarg	1	852	07:36 AM May 11, 2018 by Blues Man
	Common Cents. (Preview) A $50 Lesson:Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.She said she wanted to be Prime Minister someday...	rgren2	4	962	05:00 PM May 7, 2018 by Baggie
	A Positive Attitude The Australian way (Preview) The night was moonless, bleak and heavy with misting rain.There had been a terrible accident. The wet crumpled body was lifted with careful hands from the twisted wreckage to the waiting gurney. Flashing red lights alone lit the night and the shining lifeless face. Much later, the last survivor, l...	Paintar	0	1065	09:23 AM May 7, 2018 by Paintar
	Phone services (Preview) After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists foundtraces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion thattheir ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an Americanarcha...	Dickodownunder	1	1028	08:04 AM May 7, 2018 by Blues Man
	Oh Deer. (Preview) A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they wont tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.Well, he said, Its what mommy c...	rgren2	1	986	08:03 AM May 7, 2018 by Blues Man
	lol... (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	2	1124	08:02 AM May 7, 2018 by Blues Man
	Pick on Paddy again. (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	1	1176	08:00 AM May 7, 2018 by Blues Man
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