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Missing pils.
(Preview)
A teenager approached his grandmother nervously and asked her a question. Granny, have you seen a bottle of pills lying around? The label says LSD, he asked. The grandmother swung around quickly as the boy prepared to be scolded. To hell with the pills! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!
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Possum3
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3
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941
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Age 104.
(Preview)
A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman for her newspaper. So, what do you think is the best thing about being 104? the reporter asked. She shrugged with a smile and simply replied: No peer pressure.
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Possum3
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0
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884
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Swimming with dolphins...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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763
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Naked Wife
(Preview)
The wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked and walked into the bedroom. She said to me "Babe, shut the curtains, I don't want the neighbours to see me naked." "Don't worry," I replied, "if the neighbours see you naked, they'll shut their own curtains!"
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fwdoz
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1
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928
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|
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Warranty.
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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793
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Darts
(Preview)
The other day I pinned a picture of my wife to the bull's eye of my dartboard and was trying to hit her in the face with a new set of top-flights I had just bought with our vacation money (what actually started the argument and hostility). Anyway, I just couldn't get it 100% on target, and as I was throwing, s...
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fwdoz
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1
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661
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Religious Sign
(Preview)
One day a cop driving down the street saw two ladies with a sign that read "Two girls for the price of one". He stops and tells them to get rid of the sign or he will run them in! They comply and he proceeds down the street only to pass a man with a sign that says Jesus Saves. The cop just waves as he passes and the g...
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fwdoz
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1
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632
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The Beaver
(Preview)
Johnny was playing outside when he had to go to the bathroom. He runs inside his house and his grandma was in the bathroom naked about to take a shower. He looks at her nether regions and says "What's that?" She says "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny". The next day the same thing happens, only his mum is taking t...
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fwdoz
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1
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748
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The bus hold up
(Preview)
One day on a bus, every passenger was female. There was a student, a waitress, a flight attendant, a hooker and a nun. Then a guy boarded the bus and declared a hold up. So everybody gave their money, jewelleries and other pricey belongings. But the robber wasn't content. He threatened "I will do each on...
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fwdoz
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1
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730
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The red light
(Preview)
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get throug...
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fwdoz
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1
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782
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Woodpeckers
(Preview)
This Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no proble...
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fwdoz
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1
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791
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Drunk and the Priests
(Preview)
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He looks at the first priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! The priest replies, No son, youre not. So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! To which the second priest replies, No son, youre not. Finally, the drunk ha...
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Possum3
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0
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630
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Out of the mouth of......
(Preview)
A group of school kids went on an excursion to the police station. The police officer pointed to the 10 Most Wanted list and told them that these were the most wanted criminals in the whole country. One student pointed to the photo of the man at the top of the list and said, He is the most wanted man in the ent...
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Possum3
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0
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717
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ATM machine
(Preview)
A man was standing behind an older couple at the ATM. He could see the man struggling with the buttons so he turned around and said something to his wife. All of a sudden the wife pushed the husband over. Shocked, the man rushed forward. What did you do that for? He asked the wife while helping the man up. Th...
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Possum3
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0
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735
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Delayed flight.
(Preview)
A plane was moving down the tarmac before it stopped abruptly, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off. "What was the problem?" a worried passenger asked the flight attendant. "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the flight attendant re...
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Possum3
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0
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799
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Art Collectors Wife
(Preview)
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client."I have some good news, and I have some bad news."The art collector replied,"I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,...
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LLD
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1
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677
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I'd heard about it.
(Preview)
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they discuss their illegal moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a couple of minutes, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks a...
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Possum3
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1
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830
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UK vs USA.
(Preview)
An American visiting England asked the concierge where the elevator was in his hotel. The concierge looked a bit confused, but smiled when he realised what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said. "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator, I mean the elevator." "Well, over her...
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Possum3
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0
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673
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Actually happened.
(Preview)
A thief was on trial for stealing a womans purse. The woman walked into the court room and immediately began pointing angrily at the thief. Thats him! She yelled, Thats him! Thats the man that stole my purse! I saw him clear as day. I would remember that face anywhere. The thief rolled his eyes at the wo...
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Possum3
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1
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692
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I wish.
(Preview)
An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out. You can each have one wish, the genie said. The wife made her wish first: I would like to travel around the world, with my husband." Suddenly two tickets for travel around the world appeared in her hand . Nex...
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Possum3
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1
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727
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