|
Confucius
(Preview)
Confucius say squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts. Confucius say fortune you seek is in another cookie Confucius say there is one thing that all smart asses have in common wise cracks Confucius say man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level. Confucius say crossing dinosaur with a pig, wi...
|
fwdoz
|
3
|
715
|
|
|
|
|
Star Wars jokes
(Preview)
Q: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side. Q: Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating? A: Wookieleaks Q: Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? A: Adobe Wan Kenobi
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
716
|
|
|
|
|
Married for the 4th time
(Preview)
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director" she answ...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
586
|
|
|
|
|
Dracula
(Preview)
A long interview just appeared featuring Dracula's lifestyle in the Daily Mail. And yet, he didn't appear in The Mirror OR The Sun.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
548
|
|
|
|
|
lol...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
710
|
|
|
|
|
The Ranchhand
(Preview)
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranchhand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. ...
|
Paintar
|
2
|
715
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor
(Preview)
Doctor says to patient after surgery: Ive got some good news and some bad news. patient says give me the bad news first well, says the doc, we had to amputate both your legs but the good news is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers! -- Edited by Cyclops on Wednesday 8th of August 2018 07:20:...
|
Cyclops
|
0
|
685
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor
(Preview)
Doctor says to patient; well The tests are back and I have good news and bad news. The guy says ok doc give me the bad news first. Doc says Im sorry but you only have 1 week to live. The bloke is devestated and takes a few minutes to compose himself. Well what is the good news? The doc replies my secretary has...
|
Cyclops
|
0
|
538
|
|
|
|
|
Never be seen...
(Preview)
Never be seen arguing with a fool...... Onlookers can't always tell the difference!
|
reikioz
|
1
|
479
|
|
|
|
|
Spice it up.
(Preview)
A husband is frustrated by the lack of intimacy with his wife and comes up with a plan to spice up their sex life. Darling, shall we try a new position tonight? he asks. The wife pauses for a moment and thinks about her response. Sure, she replies. Shocked, the husband isnt quite sure what to do, before the...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
663
|
|
|
|
|
Genie in a lamp
(Preview)
A woman is walking along the beach when she stumbles across a Genie's lamp partially buried in the sand. She picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds a Genie appears before her and tells her he can grant her one true desire. Without hesitating, the woman says: "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map?...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
608
|
|
|
|
|
Indigenous tracker.... oldie but still a goodie.
(Preview)
An Australian tour guide was showing a group ofAmerican tourists the Top End.On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track man or beast over land, through the air and under the sea.The Americans were incredulous.Later in the day, as the grou...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
660
|
|
|
|
|
Oops....
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
3
|
634
|
|
|
|
|
Snowstorm.
(Preview)
A blonde is driving and becomes lost in a freak snowstorm. She doesn't panic though and simply remembers what her dad once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plough to come by and follow it." Sure enough, a snow plough soon passed and she began to follow it. She followed th...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
594
|
|
|
|
|
Prayer
(Preview)
A man is looking for a parking space but he is having absolutely no luck. As he drives around he begins to desperately pray to God. Please God, if you find me a parking spot I promise I will go to church every Sunday and never touch a drop of alcohol again! A moment later the man sees a parking spot open up rig...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
520
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor.
(Preview)
Well, Im afraid to say I have some bad news and some very bad news, a doctor tells his patient. Okay, the man replies. Well you may as well give me the bad news first. So the doctor tells him: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. 24 hours?! he replies. That's terrible! Wh...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
611
|
|
|
|
|
Little Boy goes to confession....
(Preview)
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?""Yes, Father, it is.""And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so y...
|
kiwijims
|
0
|
484
|
|
|
|
|
I’ve been a hooker
(Preview)
Tom and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Tom fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Tom was ecstatic.He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Tom had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaur...
|
Paintar
|
1
|
633
|
|
|
|
|
Lisp...
(Preview)
Little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"The shop keeper's heart melts.He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy, bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there..?"The little gi...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
629
|
|
|
|
|
A dog lover.....
(Preview)
A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
695
|
|
|
