|
Corona distancing
(Preview)
Corona distancing in our local bottle shop!
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
599
|
|
|
|
|
Nominated as the best short joke this year... (by a female ha ha)
(Preview)
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
695
|
|
|
|
|
Exorcist.
(Preview)
A week ago my mother in law began reading "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she had ever read. So evil in fact that she took it and threw it in the ocean. I went and bought another copy, and soaked it under a tap. I then put it in the drawer on her bedside table. I think I'm going to Hell.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
878
|
|
|
|
|
Face masks
(Preview)
Always do what the taxi driver says............
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
890
|
|
|
|
|
Bar joke.
(Preview)
A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a Bar. The bartender asks "What do you all want to drink". The Rabbit says "I Dunno, I'm only here because of Autocorrect"
|
Possum3
|
0
|
866
|
|
|
|
|
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Preview)
Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. You'll love it: Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of th...eir own. They like other peoples.' A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see the...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1042
|
|
|
|
|
Pretty Necklace.
(Preview)
A lady tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indigenous woman. What is it made of? she asked. Crocodiles teeth, the woman replied. I suppose, she said patronisingly. That they mean as much to you as pearls do to us. Oh no, she objected. Anybody can open an oyster.
|
Possum3
|
0
|
671
|
|
|
|
|
Prayer.
(Preview)
The ministers six-year-old daughter had been so naughty during the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldnt go to the Sunday School picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the l...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
655
|
|
|
|
|
Lockdown.
(Preview)
During the lock-down, I've run out of entertainment. So I send David (my next door neighbour) flowers every Saturday evening, with a message. The note reads "I miss you so much". Then I go back to my balcony, open a beer and listen to his wife.
|
Possum3
|
0
|
558
|
|
|
|
|
Chuch Organist.
(Preview)
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her ol...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
547
|
|
|
|
|
Chuck Norris to the rescue again
(Preview)
Coronavirus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80. Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.... Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and TV series which have, and continue to entertain millions of people. He wa...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
606
|
|
|
|
|
Olaf
(Preview)
Olaf and Lena were a couple in love from the back blocks of Norway, but throughout their courtship Olaf and Lena abstained from sex. The closer it got to the wedding the more Olaf got excited. Until one night after a heavy petting session Olaf beat the pickle so much that he ended up with a big blister.Wor...
|
rgren2
|
0
|
584
|
|
|
|
|
Bored?
(Preview)
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
755
|
|
|
|
|
We'll learn as we go.
(Preview)
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one mornin...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
712
|
|
|
|
|
Buzzing.
(Preview)
A Mother Was Walking Down The Hall. A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.... What are you doing? she exclaimed. The daughter replied, Im 35 and still living at h...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
773
|
|
|
|
|
Golf mistake.
(Preview)
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for i...
|
Possum3
|
6
|
933
|
|
|
|
|
Birthday Present.
(Preview)
Coming up for my sixteenth birthday, Mum asked "What would you like for your birthday?". I thought about this for about half a second and replied, " I WANNA WATCH " but they didn't let me.
|
markmack
|
0
|
729
|
|
|
|
|
New Boyfriend.
(Preview)
A young woman visits her parents and brings her new partner to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the man to his library for a drink and asks him: So what are your plans? I am a Torah scholar, he says. The father answers: A To...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
883
|
|
|
|
|
Shopping for a mate.
(Preview)
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the f...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
722
|
|
|
|
|
Oldies, Reminds me.
(Preview)
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap an...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
630
|
|
|
