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Post Info TOPIC: displaced husbands on wheels.


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displaced husbands on wheels.


This subject seeks to target men who have come through divorce - or been widowed - or for whatever reason they are travelling solo and living solo in their van ...

They aim is to get these fellas talking in the hope of developing good mateships -- and providing a bit of company when its needed.

We all know the statistics of adult male suicide etc - and we all know a lot of men take to a caravan life style after a marriage break up because they have few other options that they can afford.

Lets toss over ideas - discussion points - maybe meeting places  for a meal or a chat over a beer - compare notes, and just get back to enjoying someone elses company ..



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Yo seem to have a fairly positive spin on life that may have thrown you a few curved balls
Good onya
cheers
blaze

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Hey Blaze - Not so much me - but a number of my mates have been affected by a number of issues - One - recently separated after his wife took their two kids (one of whom he'd adopted when he picked up with his missus) -- was sitting at a country pub ( where he'd gone for a break away from everything) --- Another bloke and he struck up a conversation ... the subject got around to relationship break down etc -- The other bloke said to my mate "got any kids"? My mate pulled a photo from his wallet to show him his kids..
The bloke looked ---- and looked again .......before saying " That older kid looks exactly like MY Son!!"
Turns out my mate AND this fella had been paying the woman Maintenance for the same boy!!!
So the matter went to court -- the court decided that both men could continue paying the same maintenance!!!! So much for our court system!

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The Happy Helper

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Hi newslug - enjoying your posts - but it could be better to put them into I Digress - it is for things that are not to do with camping necessarily - I am not being critical or pedantic, but there are some on the forum who are - just a suggestion.

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jules
"Love is good for the human being!!"
(Ben, aged 10)



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I don't for a moment discount what you are saying newslug, I have a few mates who have suffered the same. On the other side of the coin I reckon that for every one disinfrachised male there is 100 females left supporting their children where the ex partner offers no financial support and plenty of abuse. The system does need a overhaul but so do plenty of others.
cheers
blaze

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yep take your point Jules.  Of course there are men who aren't prepare to face their responsibility re kids --- but also many men denied access/custody because the ex missus is out to punish --- and I'd suggest many many more than we would realise.  It is VERY biased against the male in these domestic disputes .

Maybe I'll leave it there because it does then get right off the grey nomads thread.

 



-- Edited by newslug on Sunday 4th of February 2018 04:52:34 PM

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Noted on the ABC news earlier today that authorities are clamping down on people going overseas to evade paying child support.

I am not saying it is male or female who are shying on support payments but I have noted from experiences of acquaintances over the years, the family courts generally tend to favour the female in a given dispute.

I have worked with men over the years which have suffered extreme frustration with the system in this country.

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Geoff

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If you are at a loose end or depressed or just looking to find new mates or perhaps help out in your community, drop in to your local Men's Shed you will be made most welcome and it may just change your life.
There are more than 1000 Men's Sheds in Australia and new one's are opening all the time.
To find one in your area go to this site https://mensshed.org/find-a-shed/

Cheers

David



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Adversary can makeyou Bitter or Better and you have the choice .

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The Happy Helper

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Well said brickies!

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jules
"Love is good for the human being!!"
(Ben, aged 10)



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 Agreed but I don't want to turn this into a political forum.. else I'll get kicked out ... enough to say that yeah, Men have had the rough end of the pineapple for a looooong time,

That said - a lot of women have copped it too...



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too true, Geoff -- too true.



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Roving Dutchy - Mens sheds are great -- but Ive looked at a few and found them fairly limited -- it seems the majority I've looked at are only interested in you if you are interested in doing things with timber..One  has a small cohort of people who do metal work -- but beyond that its limited.   Theres much more for men  to be interested in -- and besides, most of them let the women in -- I thought it was a MENS shed? no?? a place where men can go to get away from the wife/partner if they wish? no?

 



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That's true too ... brickies

 



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Newslug I am finding it hard to work out what your up to , This is a grey nomad forum for people to enjoy their new life style not to take on other people problems , It appears your are trying hard to stir the pot , If you have pensonal problems seek professional you wont find the help you need it here , Try to look after yourself life to short to carry baggage around .

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Newslug
I'm sorry that you find Men's so limited, I am very involved in my local Men's Shed and have found that every shed is different.

Men joining our shed are invited to be as involved as they wish, if they want to sit and chat over coffee that is fine and in fact a lot of the older members that is what they do, in our shed there is involvement in computers, metalwork, wood turning, helping others with the skills that you have spent a lifetime learning, reading books, watching old movies, watching youtube, listening to talks from Centrelink about entitlements for aged pensioners, Fair Trading NSW how to avoid scams or choosing a retirement home the list is endless.

Yes we even have ladies coming to our Men's shed after normal opening hours where they learn how to apply various skills, most of these ladies are from a single household either widows or divorcees and wish to learn how to maintain their homes, some of our members help out with this project.
I do not know of Men's Sheds in our local area that admit women into general membership.

We are involved in our local Neighbourhood Centre with some of their projects helping those who are less fortunate in our community.
Some of our members have come to us after a stay in our local area mental health unit as part of their recovery and have continued to go from strength to strength.

No the majority of our Men don't come to the Shed to get away from their wife or partner, many have no one at home, they are very much on their own and come along to the shed for Mateship and ongoing support this may be in the health problems that we encounter as we grow older and it's great to be able to talk to another man who has already undergone the same treatment that they are now facing.

Cheers
David

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Hi David thanks for your comments - Ive heard varying reports - good and bad - I guess is just what floats your boat.. I investigated my first mens shed on the Sun shine coast -- only interested in you joining if you like woodwork. No interest in anything else - and very guarded about it. Tried another one on the coast, but simply it turned out I was the only one turning up to an often closed door ..... and the third one, is here on the central coast, in a Home Park ...While the guys there are nice enough, again it seems the only thing they're interested in is wood work --=- My interests are far broaderer-- its supposed to be for MEN and BOYS ... I suggested we get someone in to talk to young fellas about to leave home on the setting u p their new digs -- the legal implications of signing contracts --- nup not interested. ... then suggested a once a year visit by a medico to discuss mens interests ... nup not interested.
at one the guys wives came and bought scones and coffee -- very nice --- but they stayed on for the rest of the afternoon -- Its a MENS shed, for crying out loud. ( try going to a womens gym or activity centre, you'd be kicked out very quickly!) I wish there WAS a mens shed I could get involved in, but life is more to me than sanding down unwanted timber pallets.


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No mate, I don't have personal problem s but thanks for y our concern.. you cant find any relevance between gray nomads ( caravanners) and displaced men forced to live in caravans because of their familial circumstances ????  Hmmm I can, and I can see a very clear linkage there...



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newslug wrote:

No mate, I don't have personal problem s but thanks for y our concern.. you cant find any relevance between gray nomads ( caravanners) and displaced men forced to live in caravans because of their familial circumstances ????  Hmmm I can, and I can see a very clear linkage there...


Gday...

Newslug, your altruism is indeed laudable. 

However, I think you will find that most of us have chosen the travelling lifestyle in our caravans rather than financial (or emotional) circumstances causing us to be 'forced to live in caravans'. Personally, I feel there is no relevance twixt the two. 

I am a solo traveller - male - and I understand your concern for a system that is most definitely imperfect.

I too have suffered 'the system' - my first marriage ended in 1980 and was a traumatic experience.

In some way, as time has progressed I think Brickies comment that adversity makes one bitter or better - it is one's choice somewhat sums up my attitude too.

I chose better and my solo lifestyle gives me satisfaction rather than being forced to live in a van.

For those who are unfortunately being 'forced' into a life in a caravan through circumstances I would suggest -

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 - Mensline 1300 78 99 78 - Lifeline - 13 11 14 - as a starting place.

 

Cheers - John



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Some people feel the rain - the others just get wet - Bob Dylan



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John to each his own, and I respect your view..... however ... I think this is a great way to reach out to guys who may need some help/solace/comfort/support..  My point is if people see the name of the subject and don't like it they don't have to read it. 

On the other hand, if just one similarly affected person sees it - takes a look and reaches out for help -- I figure it just may have helped someone --- even possibly saved a life.



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Brickies   no  this is not about stirring the pot as has been suggested in another post .

This is post is indeed inclusive of all grey nomads -- including those who are male, dispossessed of their homes, their families and (in many cases) their money. 

Many have taken to caravans to have a roof over their heads.

I would see them as Grey Nomads ( especially if they are grey!~)  and as such I feel they are entitled to concern and support from other grey nomads.  Im not forcing myself onto anyone. But if just ONE person sees this forum and reaches out for help, then it will have done its job, wont it??? do you think??? huh?

In your words .."This is a grey nomad forum for people to enjoy their new life style .".   and as you suggest we should "not to take on other people problems" ,  isn't that exactly what is happening on these pages elsewhere? from people seeking information re road conditions/ accommodation options/ camping spots/ camp recipes etc, ?  Surely the emotional state of even ONE of our fellow travellers is as important if not more important as all of the other listings here! 

Mate if you aren't interested in your fellow travellers ..feel free not to read the posts ..... its really a simply option for you .



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Newslug has John has pointed out there are people who are trained in this flied to help much better than lay people on this forum , And if there are other people on this forum who are suffering they now know they can ring one of the phone number John has posted , If one person does that your post has not been wasted , And I thank John for posting those number has that the best way to help .

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newslug wrote:

Brickies   no  this is not about stirring the pot as has been suggested in another post .

~~~SNIP Many have taken to caravans to have a roof over their heads.

I would see them as Grey Nomads ( especially if they are grey!~) ~~~SNIP


Gday...

Newslug, more strength to your arm for your altruistic endeavours and I sincerely hope you gain succor and a better life for those you wish to support.

However, being "forced to live in a caravan" (and maybe being grey) is very different to buying a caravan and then towing it around this wide, brown, inviting and exciting land.

For you to see these blokes, "forced to live in a caravan" due the financial and emotional nightmare they may or may not be going through as nomads is a little misplaced praps.

Apologies for seemingly being pedantic ... but -

no·mad 
1. A member of a group of people who have no fixed home and move according to the seasons from place to place in search of food, water, and grazing land.

2. A person with no fixed residence who roams about; a wanderer.

Cheers - John



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Some people feel the rain - the others just get wet - Bob Dylan



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Itās often the comeradere of a group that is way better ?? I am married but talk and meet up with guys we call our local TAFE .. Yea I guess much the same as menās shed ..

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Aus - Kiwi that fine has long has not mixing with people with the same problem that you have , That can compond the issue .

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no worries about you being pedant -- unlike many, I find it a great thing for us to have a vehicle where we can ALL express our opinions without being criticised for having that opinion.....Oh  your option 2 fits very neatly with this discussion..  spot on!



-- Edited by newslug on Monday 5th of February 2018 12:07:23 PM

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yes brickies that's very true about common problems..... Nup that's not me - Im happily single... not suffering any kind of post marriage trauma (PMT)!--- I just care for my fellow man, and dispossessed men are part of that caring.

I also worry about Kids who are the progeny of parents who cant get their act together too .



-- Edited by newslug on Monday 5th of February 2018 12:05:56 PM

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The Happy Helper

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We travel full time, and we see a lot of single people, not only men, who choose to live this lifestyle - but have met people who are so bitter - one guy after 27 years being separated from his wife relishes telling anyone who will listen what a b..tch she is, there are also the women whose husbands have left them, and some of these women are what I call "fiercely single" - but who would jump at the chance of a man in their lives.





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jules
"Love is good for the human being!!"
(Ben, aged 10)



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YES jules youre right..I just choose to support men who are forced into such a situation after their wives have managed through the court to take the houses the men have helped payfor, the children he helped to produce, and the bank book he helped to build -- Women generally ( though they try hard to deny it) are fairly well catered for, because of the home the maintenance and the aforementioned bank accounts.
Now I accept I have been making 'blanket' statements - and for the women who're doing it GENUINELY tough I apologise and sympathise,, ,but MY area of interest is men who've been given the rough end of the pineapple... Yes there are some men who are real P#$CKS and who don't face up to their responsibilities -- but by the same token there are some women who bring a lot of these issues on themselves,..
Ultimately courts will look after them by bleeding their ex husbands. and in many cases they'll find another fella to bleed just as much.
Mate i've tried hard to keep this non political.. and focussing on "disposessed men in caravans" but you have chosen to push the 'reasons' why the are there in those caravans ... and in many cases they simply dont 'CHOOSE' as you suggest .... it is in many cases, their only option.




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I don't like they way you have been fulfilling your agendas newslug your a bit over the top, you should try a political forum, your a little hotheaded for me, just saying no insult intended.

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