How do you get the better half onside?

Old and tired · Veteran Member

How do you get the better half onside?

Desert Dweller · Guru

It's a pity when one half enjoys & the other doesn't. There's no real solution to it.

We ran into friends of ours a few days ago who have had a Nissan Patrol & dual axle Jayco for 4 years but haven't used it much at all.

He said to us that he was selling the lot because she didn't like RVing, not luxurious enough for her.

He had plans of travelling up the centre to Darwin & looked very disappointed, she looked like she'd won the lottery.

iana · Guru

Except for the fact my wife is hooked on the idea of camping, the thread could have been written by me. Things certainly change, when we were young, newly married, it was sleep in the back of the vehicle, or camp in a 2 person tent, then when family arrived it was a two room family sized tent, when the children became teenagers, and didn't want to be seen with us it was then a camper trailer. Now we have aged it is now a comfortable vehicle, and a full sized caravan with all amenities.
Big fancy vehicle, we brought a new ute, because there is only two of use we got a two seater extra cab so the seats can be reclined back. We had to try all of the types for comfort, and settled on a Mazda BT50, cheaper than the Ranger, but except for the badge, the same. And then it had to have sheep skin seat covers.
I looked at second hand vans, but someone else wanted new, so we ended up buying this blood great thing with all mods and cons, because it was a Jayco, it was much cheaper than the rest. So as far as comfort is concerned we are pretty right, even have two recliner chairs in the van.
Yes I am old and tired too, solo campers are in a different world.

TheHeaths · Guru

Ross,

as you have been married for 48 years, I bet the "keeping score" hasn't just begun. Gee they can hold things against you can't they.

I suggest as you want to travel, just accept that this is the price you are paying for the fun. If your lady wants a thing with bells and whistles, get the best you can. I say this, as then you can legitimately say when you get "invited" to take her to the Sister in Law, that you have spent all the money on the Motor home, so you will need to travel to visit her in the motorhome.

Then you can make it another trip onto as you travel to the SiL.

Good luck, but if you are like me, breaking even in the tally is a win in reality!

Ron-D · Guru

I suppose not everyone likes camping ,but if you stay in nice coastal caravan parks near the water ,near nice interesting towns that's not roughing it. Perhaps if your getting on and Jammed in a small campervan and roughing it in bush camps camps that's something different again and could upset some partners ...

Rip and Rosie · Guru

what's not to like about a caravan.....good bed linen, nice crockery and cutlery, top wine glass....the standard is what you make it, and way above a tent, as you choose.

travel in style or not as you choose.

take your home comforts- my crochet is always packed ...tv, ipads

the scenery changes, and a regular dose of retail therapy keeps me happy....the rest can be negotiated

its all good

toglhot · Senior Member

Small price to pay, and as she says she's done what you wanted, you should be prepared to do as she wants also. Tis a shame for it to come out like this though, better left unsaid I think.

banjo · Senior Member

It's all a compromise and "give and take" we've just finished nearly 6 years full time on the road, my wife hated it half the time, I loved it !

Under constant pressure we sold our rig and bought a small unit, now I hate it and she loves it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel ! she actually admits she misses the new places to see and some of the special places we visited, so now she is talking of maybe a motorhome and some 3-4 month trips away.

Best of both worlds then, I an a gypsy by heart and could live on the road for ever, she loves having a home to come back to, we must be doing something right as we have just passed our 50th wedding anniversary and not killed each other yet.

Mike Harding · Guru

I suggest there are other options open to you:

1 - Learn how not to feel lonely when you are alone.

2 - Find a male friend to go with.

3 - Go to places where there will be other people and socialise with them.

The first option is by far the best and is psychologically healthy, it's not good to be dependent on others and I'll bet good money that after a couple of trips without your wife she will be asking to come along.

What's the old saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

the rocket · Guru

Hello old and tired,

i have done 3 months away without strop. Fantastic. Good to be together n sometimes good to b on my own.

Certainly made me independent n made lots of new friends.

Let her do her thing n u do yours.

talk to people on the road at rest stops, free camps, showgrounds, caravan parks. Whatever u want. Life is for living not enduring.

i got a sense of freedom and independence out of it. Quite liberating.

Go for it, enjoy. Then come home to your wife n enjoy that too.

dirvine · Senior Member

I'm was a bit like you, Old and tired. Mine better half was really not too keen either. But I have 2 lights at the end of two long tunnels. One Son lives in Perth the other in Byron Bay. In 6 weeks we drove Melbourne to Perth and Perth to Byron and home again, spending a week with each son. It was hectic but we had a self contained van and even when we did stay in caravan parks, we still used our own shower, toilet and washing machine. After we got home SWMBO has realized it was just too much and has agreed that we will do 3 trips next year!! One to see the son in Perth, one to see the son in Byron and a Cruise that she wants to do. So I am getting my way in a round about way. For me/us it was important that the van had all the creature comforts of home. So I had to make sure we had heating and cooling available even if off the grid. A TV anywhere is Australia so a satelite dish was bought. Now all I have to do is convince her that each trip will take 4 months to do and it will be sweet!

Old and tired · Veteran Member

That is A Nightmare!

toglhot · Senior Member

I must just be lucky: My wife and I go everywhere together, I even go shopping with her and she comes into the tool shops with me. Sure I don't particularly like supermarkets/shopping malls/clothes shops and the wife doesn't like tool shops, we just kid each other about it and enjoy each others company no matter where we are or what we are doing!

Knightrider · Senior Member

DIVORCE - maybe a little more expensive but certainly a much better life than putting up with that rubbish.

JocknNik · Senior Member

Wow, I'm lucky. I guess I married the right girl. I've dragged her into some fairly rough camping places and situations over the years and never a complaint. Sure, we're both slowing down now and softening up. But if anything she's a bit tougher than me these days. But there are times when we struggle a bit because I'm a yakker and she's quiet. But she's certainly worth any difficulties. One compromise for us, she sometimes reads to me on the road. Helps to pass time surprisingly well.

I think you have to be lucky and marry the right girl in the first place because it's darn hard for a leopard to change her spots. The challenge, getting a girl who isn't just putting on a tough act to snare you. O&T, I think you may be too late to change your leopard's spots. It'll be.. compromise if you think the relationship is worth it. Or sadly, move on. If you are prepared to approach people on the road, you'll never be really lonely anyway.

Hey Jim · Guru

Old and tired wrote:
My wife of forty eight years is not a dead keen camper. She will come to keep an eye on me, and usually enjoys parts of the trip, but tends to keep the score, and demand compensation of various kinds at a later date. " I went on the Motorhome trip, so you can come with me to visit my sister". And so on.
Is it the carrot or the stick here? And given that we are 69 and 68 respectively, exactly what would the stick be? I do not want to embark alone, leaving her at home. I get lonely. I do not feel able to give her a spanking, in these enlightened times, because she would probably snap me in half.
The kind of rig that would attract the dear bride would cost three or four times more than we can afford. I am talking big fancy vehicles here, the sort with a small car stored in the back. Whereas i am thinking more along the lines of a Ford Transit motorhome conversion or maybe a Hiace with a pop top and an awning.
Does anyone have suggestions for an incentive which could be offered, which does not include commitments to future good behaviour? Or massive expenditure. If I get the motorhome, we will be on bread and dripping for a year. (If you are old enough to know what that is). I am certainly in a spot of bother here.

Old and tired.

Hi Ross,

Life is not meant to be a bed of Roses. Both of you will get Pricked along the way. biggrin

Lambie and I celebrate our 30th on the 5th of September. We live in one another's pockets, Mine just happen to be deeper. cry

Its give and take in a marriage.

My wife loves the history on the other side of the world cry cry cry . I love traveling Australia smile , So does Lambie smile Soooooo

Open your wallet and see where it will take you. wink

I loved our Camper Trailer, now Got used to the van. hmm

Lambie puts up with sleeping in a canvas tent on air beds for 3 months this year.

All's good, I have to put up with living out of a suit case for ten weeks in Europe next year cry cry cry , on one of our shoe string budgets.

Over sea travel is on par with traveling this great land in a van or motorhome in $$$ terms.

We all have needs and wants. The places Lambie has had to bear with me, and I with her.

We Would not change anything. We are sole mates for life.

I see you are coming up to another mile stone. Take it by the horn'S son.

Venice In a Gondola on her 70th.Then Paris and the Eissel Tower. I took my wife on her 50th. wink wink wink wink wink wink wink It works. Live and learn.

Your never to old to LEARN my learned friend.

Jim

Old and tired · Veteran Member

Best decision I ever made, begging the bride to marry me, back in 1968. She is strong, and she needs to be I guess, because I have led her a fair chase over the years. We have lived in New Zealand (twice), England (twice) and Australia. Of course if I never got on the road at all it would still be ok with me, so long as the old girl is happy. As she reminds me now and again, she had to retire at only 66 from a job she loved, when we moved to England for my work.

Right now we are still in England as I finish off what should be my last job, I am seventy in March. The work is tough, and I get tired and unreasonable, at my age It is a big stretch working in the city of London, the biggest foreign currency market in the world. ( my recent line of work, I am a policy analyst for a forex company ) The woman keeps me in line, and sends me off to work again whenever I blow a fuse. We need the income, but we can fit in a lot of driving round the place here. In four years we have covered most of Britain, and a lot of Europe. In particular, we have seen more of England, Scotland, and France than most of the locals.

You would think that with over fifty years in the workforce I would have plenty of money, but sadly this is not the case. Without being stupid I somehow have a knack of taking the wrong alternative for every big decision, which is why I posted earlier for advice on motorhome or caravan. I can almost guarantee I will go the wrong way and lose a packet! Prices explode upwards in the area shortly after I have sold our house and moved on. It works all the time.

Altogether now we have had about seven or eight years of international ducking and diving. It is not my choice, and I am well over it. All I ever wanted to do was drive around Australia. The boss convinced me we should do the hard and expensive stuff first, and save the camping and the big lap til we slowed down. So it's my turn now, and she will come along and take part.

Will she love it or hate it, that's the big question. She is a girl who likes all the mod cons. And she loves a good chat. I am not a talker myself, and avoid strangers. I do not play well with others. Just the same, come march Or a pril next year we will be on the road doing a few shake down trips with the new rig, whatever it turns out to be.

Live the forum, by the way. Keep up the good work!

Old and tired

Warren-Pat_01 · Guru

Ross, the only advice I could offer is to go away for a weekend somewhere close to home (100-200Kms) with the basics & there is something interesting to see & do - for both of you. Then slowly wind the distance out.

As to a "rig" try hiring a van that your car can safely tow, or a camper trailer or a motor home. Work out then what your priorities are, how far your finances will stretch, which gives you both the most pleasure. You can live like a "king" in some camper trailers these days.

I have friends who had a camper when the kids were at home, then used motels until they started doing the sums. They are on their second van now.

My daughter-in-law too prefers to fly & stay in motels or drive & stay in units with all the mod cons but recent builder issues with their house has seen her starting to accept that tenting can be much cheaper & fun. We took our kids everywhere when they lived with us & our son is wanting to continue seeing the country with his kids.

You both need to do something before the body says "You've done enough in your younger days, now I'm worn out".

Hope this helps,
Warren

meetoo · Guru

Hi Ross, I would just like to wish you well, whichever path you take.

Cheers, John.

buffy61 · Senior Member

I think if you make this as easy and as close to home living as possible she may enjoy it.
I would be looking at a second hand caravan with shower and toilet. Nice, safe tow vehicle. You could probably do this for about $50-60k. Not sure what your budget is...you may be able to do it for less...who knows.
This country is amazing...the people on the roads you meet are very friendly. Hope you can persuade her... she will love it!

macka17 · Guru

They only "the better half" when they with you.

I was married to first one for near 30 yrs.
Kids grew. left.
I said now we go sailing. I've waited all this time. Had yachts all my life.

"No way. I'm staying here.".
OK. See Ya.

gave her house, furniture, and car.
Me gone.

10\12 yrs single. heaven.
Nother woman now. She loves seas like me. Rougher the better.

Took her from Adel to Strahan, through the 40's 3 times. (Twice in Winter).
Even 17 1\2ton steel yachts bounce a bit. But fun.

Travelled round Aust for 3 ish months a yr for 10 yrs.
Last 7\8 we've been going O\Seas for coupla months a yr.

Got married on her 70th B,Day.

If madam don't think same as you. She definitely AIN'T your better half.
Dump her.
Your half should cover what you need. An earlier van and older well main ute will cost around $25\30.

Older well maint. from around $15\20k.
Camper vans from around $6 0r 8k but will need maint.
I bought an older Toyota Campervan for $6 1\2 did the head and Carbie.
Spent 6 months every yr for around 5 yrs. Adel to Darwin. to adel. to Darwin.
and find one of the other thousands out there that would love to be. They're there.

You only get ONE life. Live it as YOU want mate. It's yours. Nobody else's.

Looking back on the regrets of your life. is a horrible thought.

Whatever you do. DON'T live with an unwilling chain round your neck.
Lead YOUR life lad. it's only a once around cycle. Remember that.
We don't get seconds.

I've had 2 wives. Around 35 girl friends. Not counting the one nighters after a dance.
The "right"one. Is only the one at present.

Old and tired · Veteran Member

Well you guys are a fairly hard lot, I must say. Macka takes a hard line! Thanks for the advice and support. I am looking forward to getting out and about, and rubbing shoulders.

You probably realise we are very fortunate in Australia to have such a big back yard. There is much less opportunity for safe low key travel in other parts of the world. The caravan parks in England are usually just a field on someone's farm, no facilities worth speaking of. It does not look like much fun. In Wales and in Devon and Cornwall (south east England with weather and beaches) there are these immense barren parks with literally hundreds of onsite vans all lined up in straight rows. It looks like hell.

As a young family man I towed our pop out campervan round the place with our kids, loved it. But life got busy and complicated, and they got to the stage where they were not keen to come. We graduated to driving trips staying in motels, then onto fancier resort breaks and overseas junkets. Big fancy hotels. Usually at huge cost.

So now we are looking forward to getting back to the country, and moving at a slower pace, and at less cost. After so long a break, forty years odd, I have no idea how we will cope towing a van, so we will do a couple of trips with hired vans behind our XTrail before making a final decision. We did two weeks in a hire motorhome in WA a few years ago and really loved it. There were only two problems, the thing did not take to rougher roads at all, and some of the things we wanted to see, just a few miles off the Tarmac, and not extreme, shook it up. And as is obvious, once you are in place at night, you are stuck. You can't duck out to buy fish and chips, or go look at the sunset from down the road a few miles.

The choice will be, a seven metre motorhome towing a little car, or else a decent 4wd towing a smaller (16 foot, 17 foot) van. Either one will have to have a toilet at least, and a shower would be handy at times. Hard to work out which way to go? The total cost, because we need a third vehicle when we are home, is probably more for the Motorhome option, but not by much. A near new decent van seems to run to forty or fifty thousand, and a near new Patrol or Isuzu tow vehicle about the same. I think a near new Mercedes Sprinter 7m diesel will be fifty, and fit out between forty and fifty.

I would love to hear from anyone who has had a motorhome fitted out, and what they thought of the process, how much it is likely to cost, and what the pitfalls are. Anyone?

This is a great forum, and there is a lot of energy amongst members. I am looking forward to getting involved.

Old and tired

Gaylehere · Guru

Have a look at the Motor Home Conversion Company website for a few ideas and prices. That's just the one I know of off the top of my head. They are in Brisbane and I see them at Caravan and Camping Shows etc. I'm sure there are more companies doing conversions too. The motorhome we have is a 3rd hand ex-rental. Not flash by no means, beside the new you beaut ones, but we couldn't afford those and it gets us to most places we want to go. It doesn't like corrugations but reasonable dirt is fine. There are fors and against buying a motorhome or van and tug.
Cheers.

Tony Bev · Guru

Old and tired wrote:
My wife of forty eight years is not a dead keen camper. She will come to keep an eye on me, and usually enjoys parts of the trip, but tends to keep the score, and demand compensation of various kinds at a later date. " I went on the Motorhome trip, so you can come with me to visit my sister". And so on.
Is it the carrot or the stick here? And given that we are 69 and 68 respectively, exactly what would the stick be? I do not want to embark alone, leaving her at home. I get lonely. I do not feel able to give her a spanking, in these enlightened times, because she would probably snap me in half.
The kind of rig that would attract the dear bride would cost three or four times more than we can afford. I am talking big fancy vehicles here, the sort with a small car stored in the back. Whereas i am thinking more along the lines of a Ford Transit motorhome conversion or maybe a Hiace with a pop top and an awning.
Does anyone have suggestions for an incentive which could be offered, which does not include commitments to future good behaviour? Or massive expenditure. If I get the motorhome, we will be on bread and dripping for a year. (If you are old enough to know what that is). I am certainly in a spot of bother here.

Old and tired.

Hello, Old and tired

I am more or less in the same boat, except that we do not keep a score

The boss does not like traveling, therefore half my traveling is usually as a solo

I suppose that some trust comes into it

I trust the boss, that she will still be there, when I return home

The boss trusts me not to get lost, and to actually find my way home

Hope that this info is useful to other couples, where one partner, is not really keen to travel

John Kay · Veteran Member

Old and tired wrote:
My wife of forty eight years is not a dead keen camper. She will come to keep an eye on me, and usually enjoys parts of the trip, but tends to keep the score, and demand compensation of various kinds at a later date. " I went on the Motorhome trip, so you can come with me to visit my sister". And so on.
Is it the carrot or the stick here? And given that we are 69 and 68 respectively, exactly what would the stick be? I do not want to embark alone, leaving her at home. I get lonely. I do not feel able to give her a spanking, in these enlightened times, because she would probably snap me in half.
The kind of rig that would attract the dear bride would cost three or four times more than we can afford. I am talking big fancy vehicles here, the sort with a small car stored in the back. Whereas i am thinking more along the lines of a Ford Transit motorhome conversion or maybe a Hiace with a pop top and an awning.
Does anyone have suggestions for an incentive which could be offered, which does not include commitments to future good behaviour? Or massive expenditure. If I get the motorhome, we will be on bread and dripping for a year. (If you are old enough to know what that is). I am certainly in a spot of bother here.

Old and tired.

Be nice and accommodating.

John K

-- Edited by John Kay on Saturday 2nd of September 2017 01:20:22 PM

Bello · Veteran Member

Answer;

Bello · Veteran Member

Answer; GO BY YOURSELF.

I have done this a couple of times a year, just for a couple of weeks at a time. Love 'em to bits, but you can not spend 24/7/365 with 'em.

I go to the bush, shooting, fishing etc. just a quite relaxing time, and then glad to get home.

Good Luck.

macka17 · Guru

""I have done this a couple of times a year, just for a couple of weeks at a time. Love 'em to bits, but you can not spend 24/7/365 with 'em.""

First marriage lasted near 30 yrs. 3 kids. (loved them to bits)
Construction UK. Worked 6 weeks every day. Long w=end off.
Work 6, LWE off. Continuously for near 20 yrs.
Had a house built and paid cash for it after 10 of them.
Well done. Yea.. But NO home life.

But Actually. For me. I loved it. The PERFECT marriage. You look forward to seeing each other.

BUT they still NOT the one. if they not like minded.
No matter how good they are in bed.

You spend your life with somebody. Spend it with somebody who loves the same things as you.
OR it's all one sided HERS.

This lady. in 18th yr. apart for a coupla short stints.
We've been together 24\7\365.

ALL over the world (that WE want to see. annually now.).
round Aust in several vans, over the yrs.
. Sailing. and blueing occasionally.

Madam SUPER volatile. English. french. Irish. a little Haggis.
and 6th gen Aussie.
Which is a main value of her. You Never know....

THAT's...... THE ONE.......
Met her at my 58yrs. Married on her 70th.
She asked me..

Greystone · Senior Member

Like Tony Bev said, trust comes into it. We give each other space; sometimes she goes her way alone and other times I go my way. Our golden rule is "not to do what you wouldn't like the other one to do". Been going strong for 35+ years.

macka17 · Guru

We got a lot of part timers on here ain't we.

Once you retired, I always thought the idea was to SHARE it together.
The Twilight yrs etc.

It's what you work all your lives for. (I thought)
The separate yrs are while you both working toward it.

Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong?.

The right one IS out there for everybody. Find it.
Don't make do I reckon.