A sign in a shoe repair store: We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you. 

Sign over a Gynaecologists Office: "Dr Jones, at your cervix.; 

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels.; 

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.;

On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed.; 

On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.; 

At a Tyre Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout.; 

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts.; 

In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.; 

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push.; 

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.; 

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.; 

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!; 

A sign outside a shop; Push. If that doesnt workPull. If that doesnt work...We must be closed. 

Outside a pub; Todays offer: Buy any 2 Drinks and pay for them both. 

Outside a Library; Library is closed until opening time. 

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.; 

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait.; 

Beside a computer; Every time you make a typo, the errorists win 

Outside an Ice cream shop; I Scream, You Scream, The Police Come, Its Awkward.

In a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.;
Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

On another Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"