check out the new remote control Jockey Wheel SmartBar rearview170 Beam Communications SatPhone Shop Topargee products
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: For the Engineers amongst us Understanding Engineers


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1312
Date:
For the Engineers amongst us Understanding Engineers


Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvin...gly and said, "Good choice:
The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer,the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said,"Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George,What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No,it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke,
it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog - now that's cool."



Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently members of political parties


-- Edited by NeilandRaine on Friday 21st of March 2014 05:55:08 PM

__________________

Mechanised Swaggies 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

NeilandRaine wrote:
Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently members of political parties.

A real engineer would have measured the length of the flagpole's shadow, compared it against the shadow cast by an object of known height, and then used ratios to arrive at the answer. But I'm an engineer, so I have no sense of humour.

 



__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2891
Date:

I was a combat engineer-I would have blownup the base, and booby trapped what was left..........Bill

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9575
Date:

bill12 wrote:

I was a combat engineer-I would have blownup the base, and booby trapped what was left..........Bill


Gday...

.... once a gunny ALWAYS a gunny

cheers - John



__________________

2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto - 2008 23ft Golden Eagle Hunter
Some people feel the rain - the others just get wet - Bob Dylan



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 564
Date:

dorian wrote:
NeilandRaine wrote:
Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently members of political parties.

A real engineer would have measured the length of the flagpole's shadow, compared it against the shadow cast by an object of known height, and then used ratios to arrive at the answer. But I'm an engineer, so I have no sense of humour.

 


 No...A real engineer would have measured out a set distance on the ground from the flagpole and then calculated the tangent of the angle from that point to the top of the pole. No guessing and very accurate.



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 885
Date:

dorian wrote:
NeilandRaine wrote:
Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently members of political parties.

A real engineer would have measured the length of the flagpole's shadow, compared it against the shadow cast by an object of known height, and then used ratios to arrive at the answer. But I'm an engineer, so I have no sense of humour.

 


 Engineers do have to have a sense of humour.  Especially on a cloudy day.

Walk up to the flagpole and put a marker at your height.  Step back, look and multiply.  A real engineer would send the spouse to stand next to the flagpole.  Hey, saves walking.

Next, measuring width of a river without sending the missus with string tied to her.  Need her to make meals.



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

brian wrote:
dorian wrote:
NeilandRaine wrote:
Understanding Engineers #9

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently members of political parties.

A real engineer would have measured the length of the flagpole's shadow, compared it against the shadow cast by an object of known height, and then used ratios to arrive at the answer. But I'm an engineer, so I have no sense of humour.

 


 No...A real engineer would have measured out a set distance on the ground from the flagpole and then calculated the tangent of the angle from that point to the top of the pole. No guessing and very accurate.


There is no guessing involved. In fact I used exactly the same method at school.

As for your method, how would you go about measuring the tangent?

 



__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

I guess you could also run a flag up the pole and measure the length of rope required.


__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

johnq wrote:
Next, measuring width of a river without sending the missus with string tied to her.  

 

 You could measure the depth, too.

 

johnq wrote:
Need her to make meals.

 

I could learn to cook.

 



__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 564
Date:

dorian wrote:
brian wrote:

 No...A real engineer would have measured out a set distance on the ground from the flagpole and then calculated the tangent of the angle from that point to the top of the pole. No guessing and very accurate.


There is no guessing involved. In fact I used exactly the same method at school.

As for your method, how would you go about measuring the tangent?

 


 Of course there's guessing involved, any slight slope on the ground will change the shadow length of either the pole, the comparison item, or both considerably.

As for measuring the tangent, you don't - you measure the angle from the point on the ground to the top of the flagpole using either a simple protractor or, preferably, a Clinometer, and then you calculate the tangent using that angle and the distance measured. Any slope can be easily and accurately accounted for.

Of course, a really-really good engineer would have an Abney level or Scale Hypsometer in his kit or, if he was really clever, would employ a surveyor to do it for him. wink



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 518
Date:

And all of the above explains why the majority of engineers who worked for me were off with the fairies. The KISS Principle was never evident.

 

The Phantom



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

brian wrote:
dorian wrote:
brian wrote:

 No...A real engineer would have measured out a set distance on the ground from the flagpole and then calculated the tangent of the angle from that point to the top of the pole. No guessing and very accurate.


There is no guessing involved. In fact I used exactly the same method at school.

As for your method, how would you go about measuring the tangent?

 


 Of course there's guessing involved, any slight slope on the ground will change the shadow length of either the pole, the comparison item, or both considerably.

As for measuring the tangent, you don't - you measure the angle from the point on the ground to the top of the flagpole using either a simple protractor or, preferably, a Clinometer, and then you calculate the tangent using that angle and the distance measured. Any slope can be easily and accurately accounted for.

Of course, a really-really good engineer would have an Abney level or Scale Hypsometer in his kit or, if he was really clever, would employ a surveyor to do it for him. wink


There are many ways to solve a problem. At one end is the McGuyver way, at the other end is the Rube Goldberg way, and all other methods fall somewhere in between.

A good engineer would choose the most appropriate method based on expediency, required level of accuracy, available equipment, budget, etc. FWIW, I'm a believer in the KISS principle.

As for your observation in respect of sloping ground, if the gradient of the surrounding earth were reasonably constant, then there would be no need to bother with tangents and protractors. 

For example, if your wife is 1.6m tall and she casts a 40cm shadow, then she is 4 times taller than her shadow is long. That is, the ratio of height to length is 4:1.

If a flagpole casts a 2m shadow under the same conditions, then its height will be 8m (= 4 x 2m). 

If the gradient is not constant, then all you would need to determine would the height differential between the base of the flagpole and the end of its shadow. Do the same for the reference object and then factor this difference into the calculation.

No guessing involved.



__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4128
Date:

The Phantom wrote:

And all of the above explains why the majority of engineers who worked for me were off with the fairies. The KISS Principle was never evident.


A former employer reckoned that electrical engineers couldn't measure a short in an iron bar, but he hired me anyway.

Contrary to what might be expected, what I found in my career was that access to proper tools and documentation was often detrimental to one's development. That's because all the thinking was already done for you. When I embarked on my own business, and access to those same tools and information was no longer available, I quickly learned to improvise and think outside the box. For example, how often have we seen TV programs where civil engineers have been given the same technical challenges that were faced by pyramid builders, and failed? The reason is that they've never had to resort to first principles.

 

 

 



__________________

"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full."

Lucius Cornelius Sulla - died 78 BC 

 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 347
Date:

The Phantom wrote:

And all of the above explains why the majority of engineers who worked for me were off with the fairies. The KISS Principle was never evident.

 

The Phantom


 Thats about it in a nut shell,  Why make some thing very simple,  so complicated, 

My Theory teacher when I was an Apprentice literaly hated me,

Not only did I say the book he was teaching me from was wrong, I could back it up with proof and hard facts the the book was wrong, 

He was a Theory teacher,  Practical was an entirely different story, Hahahahaha



__________________
Cheers, Brian,


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9575
Date:

Gday...

Well NeilandRaine - I bet you never would have ever imagined that your light-headed post would have evolved and developed the way it has

Lucky it is in I Digress

Cheers - John



__________________

2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto - 2008 23ft Golden Eagle Hunter
Some people feel the rain - the others just get wet - Bob Dylan



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 885
Date:

dorian wrote:
johnq wrote:
Next, measuring width of a river without sending the missus with string tied to her.  

 

 You could measure the depth, too.

 johnq wrote:


Need her to make meals.

 I could learn to cook.


biggrinbiggrinbiggrin   I have brother who is a civil engineer. 

To be serious, engineers are majorly responsible for the good health and great lifestyle we enjoy.   Special thanks to all engineers.



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2891
Date:

Naw! lets just blow it up- its more fun.........Bill

__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 3676
Date:

bill12 wrote:

Naw! lets just blow it up- its more fun.........Bill


As an ex Sapper (Ginger Beer) I'll go along with that, won't call myself a Gunny though, that's more like for the "dropshorts" aka Artillery. smile 



__________________


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1312
Date:

rockylizard wrote:

Gday...

Well NeilandRaine - I bet you never would have ever imagined that your light-headed post would have evolved and developed the way it has

Lucky it is in I Digress

Cheers - John


Your dead right, it was only meant for a laugh, sorry if anyone is offended.  I am ex RAAF so I am used to having the P one double ess  taken.



__________________

Mechanised Swaggies 

 

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us
Purchase Grey Nomad bumper stickers Read our daily column, the Nomad News The Grey Nomad's Guidebook