Modern Philosophers

~ Betsy Salkind...

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years

~ Jean Kerr...

The only reason they say " Women and children first" is to test the strength of the lifeboats

~Emo Philips...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

~ Spike Milligan...

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.

~ Jean Rostand...

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.

~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.

~ Steve Martin...

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Doug Hanwell...

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ George Roberts...

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ Robert Benchley...

I have kleptomania and when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ John Glenn...

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind : every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ David Letterman...

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ Howard Hughes...

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire.