Over 70s jokes

I was standing at the bar at the RSL one night, minding my own business.

This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed my arse and said,

"You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"

I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"

She said, "Yes, Ive got a pen".

I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you.

Cost me 6 stitches but, When you're over seventy ......... who cares ?

**********

I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter,

"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

I said "No... She's pretty good looking ....."

When you're over seventy ......... who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the RSL last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there, instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but ... When you're over seventy ... who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born, just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then ... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,

"Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

It cost me a kick in the nuts, but When you're over seventy ........ who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a pee in the municipal swimming pool today.

The attendant shouted at me so loudly, through a loud hailer - I nearly fell in.

When you're over seventy...............who cares?

**********

I went to our RSL last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs !"

The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but When you're over seventy ........ who cares?