The keys.

"Several days ago as I left the Bunnings in Rocky, to walk out to my ute and was reaching into my pocket from my car keys... got that sick feeling when I didn't find them there. I desperately gave myself a personal pat down, other pockets, shirt pocket, not there. Turned around real fast and trotted back into Bunnings . I did a quick search in the seats where I had been sitting, nothing. I asked everybody if they had seen my keys... nope. Then it hit me, I must have left them in the ute. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot outside Bunnings.

My wife, Faye has scolded me a thousand times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen if I do that. As I burst through the doors of Bunnings and out into the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty, no ute

I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the ute, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.

"Honey," I stammered. I always call her honey in times like these. "I left my keys in the ute, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Faye's voice.

"Col," she barked, "I dropped you off at Bunnings on my way to the grocery store!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you come and get me?"

Faye retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince these coppers I have not stolen your f*cking ute!!"