The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Al McGuire

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

War is Gods way of teaching Americans geography. Ambrose Bierce

At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Ann Landers

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that Im right. Ashleigh Brilliant

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born? Benny Hill

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. Bill Watterson

As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips