Darkness came down on the caravans ...

parked behind the pub

A fair bunch of old Grey Nomads, the Country Camping Club

They choose to stay near country pubs, they enjoy the atmosphere

Plus the meals are pretty good and there's always ice cold beer

Up there in the front bar, the boss calls it a day

The barmaid sweeps the floors, the guests are on their way

Back out to their caravans for a night of blissful sleep

Another golden day of making memories to keep

Although his missus disapproves, Laurie Jones from Bright

Conducts his final business in the moonlight every night

He feels at one with nature out there in the evening breeze

And he does at least go far enough to be shadowed by the trees.

As he stood out there this evening he knew something wasn't right

A van pulled up behind the pub and it had not a single light

Now Laurie is no hero, he's not that brave at all

But standing in the shadows he couldn't help but see it all

Two blokes dressed in black had opened up the van

They unloaded some equipment, no doubt they had a plan

To rob the pub tonight, and right then Laurie knew

He'd better pull his finger out and alert the camping crew

Way out there in Balanville there is no cop in town

They'd have to call them in, it'd take an hour to come down

So the nomads gathered urgently in Normy Cavan's annexe

They'd have to step up to the plate Without much time to plan it.

Barney Rogers was ex Military so he assumed command

He had a dozen old grey nomads who were ready there at hand

Mackenzie got his bagpipes out to lead them to the fray

They told him " No Jock, it's not Braveheart , we'll go in quietly today"

Little Austin Chivell had scouted the entire hotel scene

And reported they were in the cellar with oxy acetylene

He heard them working on the safe, cutting out the door

They wouldn't need much longer, the time to act was now for sure

Barney led them in, they crossed the lawn a dozen strong

Jacky James spotted equipment he thought they'd take along

It was a kiddies slip and slide, they ran it out along the floor

It went right from the entrance thru to the cellar door

Laurie made some soapy slush and spread it on the mat

There's not a man alive who could stay vertical on that

The crooks were both still busy down there in the cellar

So big Billy Brand got on his run up, a man mountain, a huge fella

Laurie knocked on the cellar door, yelled "hey whats goin on?"

They heard the bloke run up the steps, their plan was right on song

Billy thundered up the hallway and went feet first on the mat

They reckon he hit a Hundred Ks or maybe more than that

The man in black stepped out the door and Billy wiped him out

Backwards down the cellar steps, out cold without a doubt

What a sight was Billy, wearing jocks and that was all

From that night on they'd call him 'the human cannon ball'

The crook still in the cellar pretty quickly knew the score

He bolted up the steps and did a runner for the door

But the passage was in darkness , just one light down near the back

Head down he made a dash for it, then everything went black

He rushed on through the darkness thinking he might make it yet

But it was then that he encountered Les Watson's fishing net

Illegal right across the nation , Les kept it 'just in case'

It was bound to be a tangled mess when hit at such a pace

Flapping like a Murray Cod down there on the floor

The boys wrapped the net around him and duct taped him to be sure

There would be no escape, the robbery was foiled

The Grey Nomads had worked together like a machine that was well oiled

Twenty minutes later the cops rolled in, sirens wailing, flashing lights

They were greeted and surprised by a most relaxing sight

All the Nomads and their ladies eating scones and drinking tea

And couple of would be burglars were duct taped to a tree

The cops were most impressed "how did you get it done?"

"We worked together as a team, it was actually quite fun"

"As we travel around we sometimes meet folk who are quite feral

But if you underestimate Grey Nomads, you do so at your peril.

 

Robert Dungey.