Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with
> > typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
> > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

> > The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

> > --------------------------
> > The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
> > tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

> > --------------------------
> > Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
> > those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> >
> > --------------------------
> > Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
> > someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
> > much about you.

> > --------------------------
> > Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

> > --------------------------
> > Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
> > obvious pleasure to the congregation.

> > --------------------------
> > For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> > nursery downstairs.

> > --------------------------
> > Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
> > help they can get.

> > --------------------------
> > Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> > church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

> > --------------------------
> > A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> > Music will follow..

> > --------------------------
> > At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
> > Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

> > --------------------------
> > Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> > several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

> > --------------------------
> > Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> > recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

> > --------------------------
> > Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> > person you want remembered..

> > --------------------------
> > The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
> > and gracious hostility.

> > --------------------------
> > Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

> > --------------------------
> > The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
> > may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

> > --------------------------
> > This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> > from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

> > --------------------------
> > Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All
> > ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is
> > done.

> > --------------------------
> > The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
> > would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
> > Sunday.

> > --------------------------
> > Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use
> > the back door.

> > --------------------------
> > The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
> > Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to
> > attend this tragedy.
> > --------------------------

> > Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> > Please use large double door at the side entrance.

> > --------------------------
> > The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
> > Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.