Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every  day to   
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world  problems.  

One day Bill didn't show up.  
 
Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.  
 
But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so,  Sam really got worried.  
 
However, since the only time they ever  got together was at the park, 
Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and - lo and behold! - there sat Bill!   
 
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.  Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?' 

Bill  replied, 'I've been in jail.'  

'Jail?' cried  Sam. 'What in the world for?'   

'Well,' Bill  said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'   'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her.  What about her?' 
 
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me;  and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'...

'So the bloody judge gave me 30 days for perjury'!!!!! 

At least you had a bed and 3 squares a day plus all the other perks.