A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom and said, "your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me
the broom, I'll show you how."

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The King wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster
the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured
him that there was no chance of rain.

So the King and the Queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a
fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were
biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In
just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm."

The King replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is
an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high
wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the King continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential
rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the
meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position
of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about
forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will
rain."

So the King hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential
positions of government.

The practice is unbroken to this date.

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Why We Love Children

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'


A woman was trying hard to get the tomato sauce out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now.
She's hitting the bottle.'


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

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Arrived home to find a pretty woman grouting the bathroom & singing,
'Its a heartache, nothing but a fools game.'

I thought, "Shes a Bonnie Tiler........"

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Two elderly women, after retirement, ate lunch together every Wednesday.
One day as they were just sitting down at their lunch table, one said to
the other, What in the world is that sticking out of your ear? What
do you mean? That white thing in your left ear. She pulled it out
looked at it for a few seconds and said, Oh mythat is a suppository!
After a few more seconds she said, Now I think I know where I put my
hearing aid.

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"The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else
he can blame it on."
---

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"I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this much, he doesn't
like it when you join in." --

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The other day I met a good friend of mine who is a genetic engineer. He
was happy to tell me of his job. His latest project is the splicing of
DNA from different specie of birds.

First he combined the DNA from a pheasant and a hen. It worked! He
called it a "Phen."

Next he successfully combined a pheasant and a goose. He called it a
"Phoose."

Yesterday, he explained, he finally was able to mix a pheasant and a duck.
He called it... "Charlie."

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"Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the farmer. "You
work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you
pulled the plow a little faster."

"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."

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"I once made love to my wife for over an hour. Of course, that was the
day we turned the clocks ahead."

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This girl goes to see her doctor. The doctor asks her her problem.

"Well," she says, "Everytime my boyfriend is making love to me, my toes
keep going up and down all the time."

"Well," the doctor says, "take off your panty hose before making love
next time."

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A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank God! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the
phone."

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My insomnia is so bad, I can't even sleep on the job.