I love my wife with all my heart. She is a gentle soul, full of love for her family and friends, decent, hard working and sweet.
But by the living Harry, it all goes away when we are reversing a van into a tight spot.
Then she becomes Bridezilla, a cranky, arm waving, overbearing old bag.
Firstly, before all you reversing assistants get angry at me, let me explain that my little helper has no idea of the laws of geometry or physics. She also seems to think I have xray vision, telepathy, and eyes in the back of the car, the van, my head, and I am fitted with a submarine periscope.
I mean really, how many times do I have to ask her to stand where I can see her when I am reversing a van into a spot? If you cant see my mirrors, then I cant see you. Right? Wrong, apparently.
How many times do I need to explain simple hand signals? I have asked her time and time again, if you want the back end of the van to go one way, point that way. It is no good waving your arms all around the compass, using angry eyes, violently pointing at the reverser (me), stomping about, hurling abuse, telling everyone else within a five kilometer radius that I am deaf, dumb and blind, and then doubting my sanity.
No. What happens is, she looks like she has some sort of whirling dervish drug induced mania. She would win the Olympic carrying on like a pork chop event hands down. Gold, sliver and bronze.
What happens at this point is, I get out of the tug, have a look, and get back in. I tell her, yet again, to stand where I can see her, and we will try again.
More arm waving then ensues, along with eye rolling, rude gestures, doubts upon my sanity and my comprehension, and veiled threats of later retribution.
So, we try again. Guess what happens? Yup, once again I cannot see her. She has disappeared into the outer reaches of the huge cosmos that is the blind spot behind a caravan. So what now? Do I blindly let all 420 newton meters of pulling power, in reverse, loose upon an unsuspecting van spot, various by now very interested but somewhat alarmed onlookers, innocent vans parked in the spot next door, and any wildlife that may be wandering about?
No, because a duck, waddling past and minding its own business but more likely was taken aback by all of this, gave a quack and frightened her, and she was distracted.
Yes, that happened. It really did.
So, once again, what in the heck do I do?
I heard no duck. I promise I didn't.
I was supposed to have however.
She ran off from the duck, into the blind van rear end cosmos, and somehow, but some voodoo magic only known to caravan reversing assistants, it was my fault.
Now, she helps no longer. She stands mute, almost apoplectic with anxiety, looking on with daggers in her eyes...and I back the van in.
Then, the sweetest girl in the history of our universe reappears, and after we set up, she grabs me a beer out of the fridge and tells me she loves me.
Life is good.
Plain Truth said
07:25 PM Mar 24, 2019
Love it ,so true.
Whenarewethere said
07:42 PM Mar 24, 2019
Swap wife for reversing camera.
Baggy Bums said
07:47 PM Mar 24, 2019
Apparently this is true. So says my hubby who purposely doesnt wind the windows down so he can hear me.
Baz421 said
07:54 PM Mar 24, 2019
I know what you are saying,,,,, I'm lucky never had that problem.
Try a piece of wood where you want the wheel, aim for it, LH or RH and stop by it. Did this when travelling alone. Easy peasy
Whenarewethere said
08:02 PM Mar 24, 2019
Have you got her to reverse the caravan in a safe practice area so she might understand the issues involved.
terriwa said
08:41 PM Mar 24, 2019
Suggest you contact Global Gypsies in WA , they have a course which is non verbal just hand signals and the spotter stays in front of the vehicle at all times.
Greg.
Ge said
08:59 PM Mar 24, 2019
I don't ask Heather for help, why you may ask well if i do i always get the same answer.
Bugger off you have parked up road trains, semis and farm machines all of our life together (43yrs),
when i offered to guide you you always said i can do it myself.
Now with i little 21ft van you ask for help, no way she says i'm getting a beer sitting down and watching the clown in the circus.
Oh well you cant win em all.
Ge
skins said
09:02 PM Mar 24, 2019
My missus automatically picks the blind spot every single time. I've tried so many times to get her into the right spot. It's built into em I recon. Fist time she attempted to direct me it was all too hard & to save a divorce I gave up thinking near enough is good enough. 2nd time she gained more confidence & yelled out "go over your way" I mean, What does that mean. I stopped got out & asked her, I said, "what in the blazes (did use another word) does that mean, which she replied naturally over your way. I'm still lost to know. Now to either help or hinder the reversing situation I've bought 2 hand held radios. I now live in fear that I'll cause a truck smash somewhere close by. I don't have confidence & next stage will be a camera which will save my marriage. LOL
-- Edited by skins on Sunday 24th of March 2019 09:05:25 PM
Swerve said
09:29 PM Mar 24, 2019
They're all sisters, they just live in different houses. (Or caravans, as the case may be)
boab said
09:37 PM Mar 24, 2019
its a poor tradesman that blames his tools many of us travel alone and manage to reverse into those same spots your best bet is to learn how to reverse and if it dosent work out lay the blame where it should be laid
erad said
10:10 PM Mar 24, 2019
My wife cannot anticipate when and where to start turning and straightening up. This causes the inevitable tensions. In particular, reversing into our driveway requires a lot of guidance, and every time, she says "OK, go straight now", forgetting that the car is at ninety degrees to the van at that stage... I have a simple solution - she reverses the van into our driveway, with me telling her 'half turn left', 'quarter turn right', 'full lock right', 'straight ahead' etc. I walk along beside her giving instructions and it works very well 95% of the time. Even then she doesn't know where the front wheels are pointing and I have to watch them as well, but it generally works very well for us.
Joda said
10:18 PM Mar 24, 2019
At last, a solution, I,m leaving the boss at home & taking a block of wood instead, seen one bloke tell his border collie
to sit where he wanted the back corner of the van on the drivers slde, worked like a charm, thinking of getting one.
Bobdown said
10:53 PM Mar 24, 2019
I turn the sound off on the 'Safety Dave' reverse camera, cos the love of my life is yelling at the dog to get out of the way, yelling at me to turn more when I'm on full lock etc etc. Still better than the neighbours missus who wouldn't get out of the car after her husband yelled at her.
The surpreme commander is always right.
Cheers Bob
Cupie said
11:37 PM Mar 24, 2019
Our solution is for SWMBO to stand on the edge of the slab & raise her hand when the back of the van passes her.
(That gives me an aiming/start point for my reversing maneuver)
Then she goes off to check the washing machines or whatever while I put the van on site.
Works well ... mostly.
When reversing back along the street to put the van beside the house at home, she stands on the roadway to stop oncoming traffic & then gives me directions, to which I usually say 'thanks dear' & then ignore. Often my neighbour will come out to help & using that WA approach. He stands near the driver's side window & says 'RH down LHD etc' & puts me on the spot without any fuss, by which time SWMBO has checked the mailbox & started opening up the house.
-- Edited by Cupie on Sunday 24th of March 2019 11:42:16 PM
-- Edited by Cupie on Monday 25th of March 2019 07:24:17 AM
.........your best bet is to learn how to reverse and,if it doesnt work out,lay the blame where it should be laid.....
And THAT sums things up perfectly.If you can not reverse,using only your mirrors,you should seriously consider finding an area where you can practice,practice and practice.Otherwise,buy a tent. Cheers
Gazza1044 said
08:49 AM Mar 25, 2019
So easy wife in drivers seat and you stand beside drivers window and give directions.
Ron-D said
09:11 AM Mar 25, 2019
Wife in drivers seat and you stand in front of car watching the angle of the van being reversed and instructing which way to turn the wheels,that Way she blame me for any mistakes
rockylizard said
10:03 AM Mar 25, 2019
boab wrote:
It's a poor tradesman that blames his tools. Many of us travel alone and manage to reverse into those same spots. Your best bet is to learn how to reverse and if it doesn't work out, lay the blame where it should be laid.
Gday...
I have to agree with this advice ... it ain't rocket science.
Cheers - John
jrg said
11:56 AM Mar 25, 2019
Know where your coming from. I was very lucky when new at it had an old bloke (Gee my age now) tell her about the mirrors and hand signals the info coming from a third party and complete stranger was taken on board now we do a pretty good job along with hooking up.
Jimmy Kwaka said
01:11 PM Mar 25, 2019
rockylizard wrote:
boab wrote:
It's a poor tradesman that blames his tools. Many of us travel alone and manage to reverse into those same spots. Your best bet is to learn how to reverse and if it doesn't work out, lay the blame where it should be laid.
Gday...
I have to agree with this advice ... it ain't rocket science.
Cheers - John
You do realise this post was partially tongue in cheek, yes? More specifically, if you read it carefully, you now find that I do indeed do it without her assistance. To some, especially those still learning these skills and who are relatively new to the trials and tricks of reversing a van, then it IS rocket science. It is an acquired art, and one that I am mastering. Hopefully. But look, next time you read any of my stuff, be aware that I take the mickey on a regular basis. Don't take me, or in fact most things you read on the internet too seriously. Better yet, if you see my stuff, then just keep scrolling!
Love and kisses from Jimmy. xo
Bobdown said
02:49 PM Mar 25, 2019
Jimmy Kwaka wrote:
rockylizard wrote:
boab wrote:
It's a poor tradesman that blames his tools. Many of us travel alone and manage to reverse into those same spots. Your best bet is to learn how to reverse and if it doesn't work out, lay the blame where it should be laid.
Gday...
I have to agree with this advice ... it ain't rocket science.
Cheers - John
You do realise this post was partially tongue in cheek, yes? More specifically, if you read it carefully, you now find that I do indeed do it without her assistance. To some, especially those still learning these skills and who are relatively new to the trials and tricks of reversing a van, then it IS rocket science. It is an acquired art, and one that I am mastering. Hopefully. But look, next time you read any of my stuff, be aware that I take the mickey on a regular basis. Don't take me, or in fact most things you read on the internet too seriously. Better yet, if you see my stuff, then just keep scrolling!
Love and kisses from Jimmy. xo
Some of the best belly laughs I've had in a long time............it's so funny coz it's all true.
For those experts, we can all reverse vans it's easy, but there may be something in the blind spot that we want our darlings to point out in some foreign caravan park.
Keep that tongue in your cheek Jimmy, love it...
2trout said
04:45 PM Mar 25, 2019
Jimmy,
Clearly, in you first post, you spilled your heart. We all understand and symphersise with you. We feel for you. What great honesty, we all say. However........
Clearly in your second post, your wife has now read your first post and you are trying to suck up (probably before you are beheaded). You are trying to make up. Divorces are expensive.
Good on you, we would all do the same. I hope that you survive the ordeal and give us more of your true thoughts (like you did in post number 1). Good luck and I hope to hear from you again. Gutsy!!!!
erad said
06:36 PM Mar 25, 2019
Gazza1044 wrote:
So easy wife in drivers seat and you stand beside drivers window and give directions.
Yes - I stand beside the front door (either side, depending on how close we are to an obstruction) and direct the whole operation from there. 'Half turn left', 'straighten up', 'quarter turn left' etc. Works well. My only gripe is that my wife revs hell out of the engine, slipping the clutch all the time. By the time she gets in the car, it is on virtually level ground, and all she has to do is let the engine idle and let the idle speed controller compensate for how hard the clutch is biting, bit no - Rev Rev Rev! Eventually, I get her to let the car control the engine speed and we put the van in our shed with inches to spare each side. Maybe I should widen the doors a bit???
-- Edited by erad on Monday 25th of March 2019 06:40:06 PM
moamajohn said
08:10 PM Mar 25, 2019
Well aside from 2 good mirrors and and a camera on the back of the van [mainly for kids or dogs etc ] when I arrive at my site I inspect the site and work out where I want the rear of my van to be placed .I then walk exactly 12 steps forward on the right side of the site and drop a 10 or 20 cent coin at my mark .I then back in straight as reqd until my right shoulder is in line with my coin on the ground whilst still in the vehicle .Thats it ! I am generally within 4 or 5 inches within range .Simples !! Been doing it since I got the big van in 2012 and its never failed me.Sometimes someone starts watching after I have dropped the coin and I think it really pees them off as to how I manage to stop just before a pole or tree etc ! Ya just gotta stand at the side of your van in line with the furthermost rear extremity of the van { in my case the spare tyre } Give yourself a 6 inch play space then take your average steps till you are in line with say 4 inches past your drivers side vertical pillar or where you consider your shoulder will be.Thats it !Cheers
Whenarewethere said
09:57 PM Mar 25, 2019
erad wrote:
My wife cannot anticipate when and where to start turning and straightening up. This causes the inevitable tensions. In particular, reversing into our driveway requires a lot of guidance, and every time, she says "OK, go straight now", forgetting that the car is at ninety degrees to the van at that stage... I have a simple solution - she reverses the van into our driveway, with me telling her 'half turn left', 'quarter turn right', 'full lock right', 'straight ahead' etc. I walk along beside her giving instructions and it works very well 95% of the time. Even then she doesn't know where the front wheels are pointing and I have to watch them as well, but it generally works very well for us.
We don't even tow, but the problem I have is, is a quarter turn from the top of the steering wheel or bottom, repeatedly! Clockwise a quarter turn to get out of a rut, miss a rock or a tree stump. But even clockwise/anti causes lack of clarity & other half is pre digital! At least I can afford a new car!
Twahoo said
01:14 AM Mar 26, 2019
Thanks Jimmy for bringing some humour to the forum. My wife and I had a good laugh but also thanks to others for hints. But you van nomads have it easy. Try reversing a 35ft boat into a pen with the first mate supposedly there to tie up. Thats where I earned my nickname which cant be repeated here. And its another reason why the van is now the go. No mutiny - yet!
Robshep said
10:49 AM Mar 26, 2019
I got a reversing camera for my wife - best swap I've ever made.
-- Edited by Robshep on Tuesday 26th of March 2019 10:50:24 AM
spida said
12:08 PM Mar 26, 2019
Maybe you could do what I do as a female solo with caravan - learn to back unaided LOL. Sometimes takes a bit of 'adjusting' to get it right . What I do appreciate though is someone to help me hook up. I get it straight but the last few inches is always tricky.
I love my wife with all my heart. She is a gentle soul, full of love for her family and friends, decent, hard working and sweet.
But by the living Harry, it all goes away when we are reversing a van into a tight spot.
Then she becomes Bridezilla, a cranky, arm waving, overbearing old bag.
Firstly, before all you reversing assistants get angry at me, let me explain that my little helper has no idea of the laws of geometry or physics. She also seems to think I have xray vision, telepathy, and eyes in the back of the car, the van, my head, and I am fitted with a submarine periscope.
I mean really, how many times do I have to ask her to stand where I can see her when I am reversing a van into a spot? If you cant see my mirrors, then I cant see you. Right? Wrong, apparently.
How many times do I need to explain simple hand signals? I have asked her time and time again, if you want the back end of the van to go one way, point that way. It is no good waving your arms all around the compass, using angry eyes, violently pointing at the reverser (me), stomping about, hurling abuse, telling everyone else within a five kilometer radius that I am deaf, dumb and blind, and then doubting my sanity.
No. What happens is, she looks like she has some sort of whirling dervish drug induced mania. She would win the Olympic carrying on like a pork chop event hands down. Gold, sliver and bronze.
What happens at this point is, I get out of the tug, have a look, and get back in. I tell her, yet again, to stand where I can see her, and we will try again.
More arm waving then ensues, along with eye rolling, rude gestures, doubts upon my sanity and my comprehension, and veiled threats of later retribution.
So, we try again. Guess what happens? Yup, once again I cannot see her. She has disappeared into the outer reaches of the huge cosmos that is the blind spot behind a caravan. So what now? Do I blindly let all 420 newton meters of pulling power, in reverse, loose upon an unsuspecting van spot, various by now very interested but somewhat alarmed onlookers, innocent vans parked in the spot next door, and any wildlife that may be wandering about?
No, because a duck, waddling past and minding its own business but more likely was taken aback by all of this, gave a quack and frightened her, and she was distracted.
Yes, that happened. It really did.
So, once again, what in the heck do I do?
I heard no duck. I promise I didn't.
I was supposed to have however.
She ran off from the duck, into the blind van rear end cosmos, and somehow, but some voodoo magic only known to caravan reversing assistants, it was my fault.
Now, she helps no longer. She stands mute, almost apoplectic with anxiety, looking on with daggers in her eyes...and I back the van in.
Then, the sweetest girl in the history of our universe reappears, and after we set up, she grabs me a beer out of the fridge and tells me she loves me.
Life is good.
Love it ,so true.
Swap wife for reversing camera.
Apparently this is true. So says my hubby who purposely doesnt wind the windows down so he can hear me.
I know what you are saying,,,,, I'm lucky never had that problem.
Try a piece of wood where you want the wheel, aim for it, LH or RH and stop by it. Did this when travelling alone. Easy peasy
Have you got her to reverse the caravan in a safe practice area so she might understand the issues involved.
Suggest you contact Global Gypsies in WA , they have a course which is non verbal just hand signals and the spotter stays in front of the vehicle at all times.
Greg.
Bugger off you have parked up road trains, semis and farm machines all of our life together (43yrs),
when i offered to guide you you always said i can do it myself.
Now with i little 21ft van you ask for help, no way she says i'm getting a beer sitting down and watching the clown in the circus.
Oh well you cant win em all.
Ge
My missus automatically picks the blind spot every single time. I've tried so many times to get her into the right spot. It's built into em I recon. Fist time she attempted to direct me it was all too hard & to save a divorce I gave up thinking near enough is good enough. 2nd time she gained more confidence & yelled out "go over your way" I mean, What does that mean. I stopped got out & asked her, I said, "what in the blazes (did use another word) does that mean, which she replied naturally over your way. I'm still lost to know. Now to either help or hinder the reversing situation I've bought 2 hand held radios. I now live in fear that I'll cause a truck smash somewhere close by. I don't have confidence & next stage will be a camera which will save my marriage. LOL
-- Edited by skins on Sunday 24th of March 2019 09:05:25 PM
The surpreme commander is always right.
Cheers Bob
Our solution is for SWMBO to stand on the edge of the slab & raise her hand when the back of the van passes her.
(That gives me an aiming/start point for my reversing maneuver)
Then she goes off to check the washing machines or whatever while I put the van on site.
Works well ... mostly.
When reversing back along the street to put the van beside the house at home, she stands on the roadway to stop oncoming traffic & then gives me directions, to which I usually say 'thanks dear' & then ignore. Often my neighbour will come out to help & using that WA approach. He stands near the driver's side window & says 'RH down LHD etc' & puts me on the spot without any fuss, by which time SWMBO has checked the mailbox & started opening up the house.
-- Edited by Cupie on Sunday 24th of March 2019 11:42:16 PM
-- Edited by Cupie on Monday 25th of March 2019 07:24:17 AM
And THAT sums things up perfectly.If you can not reverse,using only your mirrors,you should seriously consider finding an area where you can practice,practice and practice.Otherwise,buy a tent. Cheers
Wife in drivers seat and you stand in front of car watching the angle of the van being reversed and instructing which way to turn the wheels,that Way she blame me for any mistakes
Gday...
I have to agree with this advice ... it ain't rocket science.
Cheers - John
You do realise this post was partially tongue in cheek, yes? More specifically, if you read it carefully, you now find that I do indeed do it without her assistance. To some, especially those still learning these skills and who are relatively new to the trials and tricks of reversing a van, then it IS rocket science. It is an acquired art, and one that I am mastering. Hopefully. But look, next time you read any of my stuff, be aware that I take the mickey on a regular basis. Don't take me, or in fact most things you read on the internet too seriously. Better yet, if you see my stuff, then just keep scrolling!
Love and kisses from Jimmy. xo
Some of the best belly laughs I've had in a long time............it's so funny coz it's all true.
For those experts, we can all reverse vans it's easy, but there may be something in the blind spot that we want our darlings to point out in some foreign caravan park.
Keep that tongue in your cheek Jimmy, love it...
Clearly, in you first post, you spilled your heart. We all understand and symphersise with you. We feel for you. What great honesty, we all say. However........
Clearly in your second post, your wife has now read your first post and you are trying to suck up (probably before you are beheaded). You are trying to make up. Divorces are expensive.
Good on you, we would all do the same. I hope that you survive the ordeal and give us more of your true thoughts (like you did in post number 1). Good luck and I hope to hear from you again. Gutsy!!!!
Yes - I stand beside the front door (either side, depending on how close we are to an obstruction) and direct the whole operation from there. 'Half turn left', 'straighten up', 'quarter turn left' etc. Works well. My only gripe is that my wife revs hell out of the engine, slipping the clutch all the time. By the time she gets in the car, it is on virtually level ground, and all she has to do is let the engine idle and let the idle speed controller compensate for how hard the clutch is biting, bit no - Rev Rev Rev! Eventually, I get her to let the car control the engine speed and we put the van in our shed with inches to spare each side. Maybe I should widen the doors a bit???
-- Edited by erad on Monday 25th of March 2019 06:40:06 PM
We don't even tow, but the problem I have is, is a quarter turn from the top of the steering wheel or bottom, repeatedly! Clockwise a quarter turn to get out of a rut, miss a rock or a tree stump. But even clockwise/anti causes lack of clarity & other half is pre digital! At least I can afford a new car!
I got a reversing camera for my wife - best swap I've ever made.
-- Edited by Robshep on Tuesday 26th of March 2019 10:50:24 AM