I'd just like to say thank you to the dozen or so regulars and the people who only post periodically in the Just Joking forum.
I read this forum, and a few others every morning with my morning coffee.
I leave the Grey Nomads to last and the Just Joking section to very last in this forum.
That way, I start every day with a laugh or at the very least a smile on my face.
My new definition of a "Bad Day" is a day when there are no new jokes. Doesn't happen all that often.
So, thank you everyone for starting my day off well.
Cheers Jim
jkis said
05:00 PM Jul 22, 2018
Adding to gradads post laughter is good medicine.
You guys make my day to.
Cheers stuart
fwdoz said
05:05 PM Jul 22, 2018
Glad you all enjoy the weekly jokes. Laughter is indeed the best medicine!
Desert Dweller said
07:50 PM Jul 22, 2018
If there aren't any new ones on the forum just Google some jokes, that's where they mostly come from, the internet.
Occasionally there are some good ones posted here, always enjoyable to see them.
Blues Man said
08:25 PM Jul 22, 2018
Yeah me to ,just love the just joking section.
Possum3 said
09:24 AM Jul 23, 2018
It's getting harder to find the "new" jokes, but I for one will try and continue.
Grandad5 said
10:15 AM Jul 23, 2018
Possum3 wrote:
It's getting harder to find the "new" jokes, but I for one will try and continue.
Please do. You come up with the best proverbial "Dad" jokes. I know they are because I often share them with my adult daughter via a text message and inevitably get a message back. "Daaaaad!!!! That is terrible!"(But I know she smiled) Now, that's a sign of a good joke if a millennial thinks it's sick.
Possum3 said
12:14 PM Jul 23, 2018
1. Me: Can I watch the TV, Dad?
Dad: Yes, but dont turn it on.
2. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
3. Whenever the cashier at the supermarket asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag, he replies, No, just leave it in the bottle.
4. Me: Dad, can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Poof, youre a sandwich!
5. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth its pasteurised before you even see it.
6. What do you call an Argentinian man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
7. Whats the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
8. Last Christmas, when we bought our Christmas tree, the guy who sold it to us asked my dad, Are you going to put it up yourself? Dont be disgusting, replied Dad. Im going to put it in the living room.
9. When the phone rings at home, Dad always yells out, If its for me, dont answer it!
10. Last night at dinner, a pea fell off Dads plate and he said, Oh dear, Ive peed on the table again!
fwdoz said
01:30 PM Jul 23, 2018
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
5/4 of people admit that theyre bad with fractions.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Its a little fishy.
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Ive never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I dont play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Im just doing it for kicks.
People dont like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
fwdoz said
01:36 PM Jul 23, 2018
What's the heaviest soup in Asia?
One ton.
Me: "Please may I leave the table?"
Dad: "And where are you going to leave it?"
Me: What's on the TV?
Dad: Just some dust.
Me: "Dad, why isn't the snake moving?"
Dad: "I don't know son, it must have a reptile dysfunction..."
Where does a bee pee?
At a BP station.
I knew I shouldn't have had the seafood. I'm feeling a little eel.
Me: "What are you doing, dad?"
Dad (standing on one leg at ATM): "I'm checking my balance."
Me: "How are you feeling?"
Dad: "Same as normal. With my hands."
Dad: "Have you heard about that new film Constipation?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "That's because it hasn't come out yet."
Dad: "I can cut wood just by looking at it."
Me: "I don't believe you. How?"
Dad: "It's true. I saw it with my own eyes!"
Blues Man said
07:36 PM Jul 23, 2018
That's great guys ,probably in the wrong section but i don't care .You can put them anywhere you like and i will
I'd just like to say thank you to the dozen or so regulars and the people who only post periodically in the Just Joking forum.
I read this forum, and a few others every morning with my morning coffee.
I leave the Grey Nomads to last and the Just Joking section to very last in this forum.
That way, I start every day with a laugh or at the very least a smile on my face.
My new definition of a "Bad Day" is a day when there are no new jokes. Doesn't happen all that often.
So, thank you everyone for starting my day off well.
Cheers
Jim
Glad you all enjoy the weekly jokes. Laughter is indeed the best medicine!
Occasionally there are some good ones posted here, always enjoyable to see them.
Yeah me to ,just love the just joking section.
Please do. You come up with the best proverbial "Dad" jokes.
I know they are because I often share them with my adult daughter via a text message and inevitably get a message back. "Daaaaad!!!! That is terrible!"(But I know she smiled) Now, that's a sign of a good joke if a millennial thinks it's sick.
Dad: Yes, but dont turn it on.
2. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
3. Whenever the cashier at the supermarket asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag, he replies, No, just leave it in the bottle.
4. Me: Dad, can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Poof, youre a sandwich!
5. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth its pasteurised before you even see it.
6. What do you call an Argentinian man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
7. Whats the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
8. Last Christmas, when we bought our Christmas tree, the guy who sold it to us asked my dad, Are you going to put it up yourself? Dont be disgusting, replied Dad. Im going to put it in the living room.
9. When the phone rings at home, Dad always yells out, If its for me, dont answer it!
10. Last night at dinner, a pea fell off Dads plate and he said, Oh dear, Ive peed on the table again!
What's the heaviest soup in Asia?
Me: "Please may I leave the table?"
Dad: "And where are you going to leave it?"
Me: What's on the TV?
Dad: Just some dust.
Me: "Dad, why isn't the snake moving?"
Dad: "I don't know son, it must have a reptile dysfunction..."
Where does a bee pee?
I knew I shouldn't have had the seafood. I'm feeling a little eel.
Me: "What are you doing, dad?"
Dad (standing on one leg at ATM): "I'm checking my balance."
Me: "How are you feeling?"
Dad: "Same as normal. With my hands."
Dad: "Have you heard about that new film Constipation?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "That's because it hasn't come out yet."
Dad: "I can cut wood just by looking at it."
Me: "I don't believe you. How?"
Dad: "It's true. I saw it with my own eyes!"
That's great guys ,probably in the wrong section but i don't care .You can put them anywhere you like and i will
read them and laugh
