Hubby retired and wants to travel NOW. But I'm still working.
SilverBrumby said
11:32 PM Apr 11, 2018
I'm hoping to get some advice please. As the title says. And I'm unable to retire for another 8 years due to a little age gap. I was studying, so have not worked for 3 years, which has left me more time to be at home or travelling. But recently I have been working on a 3 month contract, which the company would now like to offer me as a full-time permanent job.
I am torn between spending my time with hubby, as he had a stroke 2 years ago - but has recovered well - and doing the right thing (by Centrelink) and taking the job.We have a lovely van, which we have done some short trips in, but hubby had his heart set on month long trips now I have my degree. I don't want my over 3 decade marriage to fall apart, but know the extra money will come in handy. And really, it's just not right to be on Newstart if one has the offer of a job.
The main trouble is he has no hobbies nor interests to occupy his time at home. I've suggested all sorts of things as he is quite handy eg Men's Shed, volunteering in, say, a restoration of some lovely old bit of machinery, and more, but nothing inspires him except travelling. Which I do understand and love and really want to participate . But not yet. I think my work is willing to be flexible, (they gave me a week off to volunteer at the Commonwealth Games) so long weekends are quite possible. It's nearly midnight and I still can't sleep - maybe a hot chocolate... or just chocolate without the hot.
Thanks for listening.
SilverBrumby
Aus-Kiwi said
01:11 AM Apr 12, 2018
Itâs something you two have to work out . Men need to be doing something or they just get old and grumpy ..
Desert Dweller said
07:36 AM Apr 12, 2018
If he has no interests, it probably won't make any difference being on the road. Unless of coarse he's a keen bush walker, fisherman, photographer or fossicker.
Traveling around aimlessly can be pretty boring too.
A lot of blokes spend heaps of time washing & polishing their car/caravan because they've got nothing else better to do after reading the daily newspaper.
brickies said
09:24 AM Apr 12, 2018
Maybe he could do some Solo trips and you go with when you have leave .
Aus-Kiwi said
10:26 AM Apr 12, 2018
Keep in mind their interests donât go well with what the Mrs wants to do . So they donât do it . Yea possibly due to financial or time restrictions in the past . He could have been hen picked too ? Sorry if wrong . Just keep that in mind . Fine balance between being dominant and being dominated !! Lol . Hey guys Atleast youâve made it this far .
Leo said
11:23 AM Apr 12, 2018
You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes well you might find You get what you need
Leo said
11:24 AM Apr 12, 2018
Hope it is OK to post videos that way..
Farmhat said
05:50 PM Apr 12, 2018
You probably won't regret traveling now if you can afford to but what is it that You want to do Silver Brumby?
Joe
SilverBrumby said
05:56 PM Apr 12, 2018
Hey thanks all for the ideas. And Aus-Kiwi- Hen-pecked?! No we are a team.
I may be the Captain of the team though, come to think of it.
SilverBrumby
Bill B said
08:41 PM Apr 12, 2018
Do it whilst health allows as you never know what tomorrow may bring health wise.
Ron-D said
08:55 AM Apr 13, 2018
SilverBrumby wrote:
Hey thanks all for the ideas. And Aus-Kiwi- Hen-pecked?! No we are a team.
I may be the Captain of the team though, come to think of it.
SilverBrumby
Most women are
Leo said
09:07 AM Apr 13, 2018
Will you be feeling aggrieved if you are prevented from taking the full-time permanent opportunity? Otherwise, availability of more contract work with the present employer or with others, including in other centres?
Bill B's comment is relevant and refers to both parties. You can easily get unexpected health surprises. Because regardless of our health record and how good we feel and appear, the odometer reads for all of the components of the body and without exception. Like it or not, as you age you do get frailer. Despite our efforts counteract it and all of that 'positive thinking', the process is inevitable.
Core Values first and that should direct you, no rationalisations.
memory maker said
09:40 AM Apr 13, 2018
don't wait until its too late, you will regret missing the opportunity of travelling with the man you love. Also the statistics say that if a man retires without a hobby he will probably pass away within five years.
Dickodownunder said
10:41 AM Apr 13, 2018
About a fortnite ago I was camped near a guy who had been a farmer all his life and he is now on the road.
Unfortunately his wife does not want to travel with him and she is now living in a home unit in a large regional town near to where they farmed all their lives.
He was obviously very sad with the arrangement as he said they had discussed retirement with caravan travel being agreed upon.
My suggestion is if you want to go then go, if you dont then tell him now, dont sling him along.
If you are uncertain then go for a while and try it for yourself. The lifestyle may not be for everyone and only if you try it will you know.
All of us on here do not know your personal financial situation. It may very well be that you realise that you, as a couple, still need the money you are earning and this needs to be discussed as well.
I am sure you are not the only one who may have been in this confusing situation but each decision is personal and eventually can only be decided by the individual.
My advice is if you dont need the money from the job and you want to be with your partner of thirty years then bugga Centrelink and go travelling.
You may find some work while travelling as many others do which may help to satisfy your needs for some independence.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
RustyD said
01:01 PM Apr 13, 2018
A man with a shed lives longer. A man with a dog lives longer. Does hubby like dogs? Get a rescue dog that already has a few years on him/her, is house trained, and has an estimated life of < 8 years. Walking a dog or taking it to a dog park is a good break and it is surprising how many others are doing the same. Walking my dog for 8 years now (he was a 4 year old rescue dog when we got him) and I know most everyone in the neighbourhood, especially those with dogs.
pipes said
07:58 AM Apr 15, 2018
Brumby, get your old man to the nearest Blazeaid camp. (Blazeaid .com)
He can set up the van, get power and shower. Be fed and watered, work at his own pace, plus get lots of information as to where to travel to and what to see.
I've been doing it since 2004.
Regards.
Pipes.
Aus-Kiwi said
08:20 AM Apr 15, 2018
Hey thanks all for the ideas. And Aus-Kiwi- Hen-pecked?! No we are a team.
I may be the Captain of the team though, come to think of it. biggrin
SilverBrumby. Ahaha hope you read it in humourus way it was intended . Lol
L
Kisha said
11:45 AM Apr 15, 2018
Hi SilverBrumby you wrote I am torn between spending my time with hubby, as he had a stroke 2 years ago - but has recovered well - and doing the right thing (by Centrelink) and taking the job.We have a lovely van, which we have done some short trips in, but hubby had his heart set on month long trips now I have my degree. I don't want my over 3 decade marriage to fall apart, but know the extra money will come in handy. And really, it's just not right to be on Newstart if one has the offer of a job.
My short answer to you would be to weigh up your priorities and then problem is solved. By the way your nic is awesome.....regards Kisha.
Tony Bev said
12:44 PM Apr 15, 2018
Hello Silver Brumby
I agree with Kisha above, only you will know what your priorities are, therefore only you will know what to do
I therefore wish you all the best in whatever you decide
As a matter of interest, I will have been married 50 years, next month
For the previous five years, my wife has not always travelled with me
She trusts me to come home, and I trust her to be home when I return
JA2340 said
08:17 PM Apr 15, 2018
Tony Bev wrote:
Hello Silver Brumby
I agree with Kisha above, only you will know what your priorities are, therefore only you will know what to do I therefore wish you all the best in whatever you decide
As a matter of interest, I will have been married 50 years, next month For the previous five years, my wife has not always travelled with me She trusts me to come home, and I trust her to be home when I return
Hey, Tony ... that's very well put!
Trust is important in these things, especially when one half of the team has different priorities.
Luckily, +1 and I developed our plan to travel after retirement together, and both agreed that is what we'd do.
Then, some basteward went and developed Rheumatoid Artritis, didn't I. That has changed the plans a bit! So, now, a van is still on the agenda, but not as a "home on wheels" with no base to return to! We now will have a base, and travel as/when we feel we can.
Best laid plans and all that!
Yaketty said
09:19 AM Apr 16, 2018
This would be my compromise in light if the fact you've finished the study & earned the degree and having done a 3 month contract now being offered an ongoing position. I would accept the ongoing position and give it 3 months or even 6. That way you don't burn your bridges with the employer and you won't be wondering 'what if I'd taken the job?' That would be a long enough time to settle into the job to know if you love it or want to leave it for a new life phase of longer trips with hubby.
Three to six months would not be too long for your hubby to wait and you will have earned extra $ towards the grey nomad lifestyle and you can still do weekend trips. You will also have that extra work experience that would stand you in good stead for picking up an opportunity for work as you travel if that is part of your long term plan.
I agree with the above comment that you have to sort out priorities but that involves compromise for both of you, so that you don't feel resentful down the track about what might have been and you're absolved of any guilt about Centrelink payments. However my opinion is just that and you have to go with what's best for you both - good luck with what seems like a tough decision but can be a win-win situation with a bit of compromise
Cheers, Kay
Rob Driver said
09:32 AM Apr 17, 2018
Oh I feel for you SilverBrumby.
I am quite a few years younger than my husband and I had similar feelings when he decided to retire. He loved his job but just had had enough and wanted to do other things including travel.
Not wanting to comment on your personal requirements but I wasn't sure at first that I would fit into long term vanning.
Once we were set up and covered all requirements re our home, family and general services on the road and we actually set off was when I realised how much I enjoy this new part of our life.
I enjoy seeing my hubby happy as I know how hard he worked through his life and he really does deserve it.
As some others have said, give it a try over short periods, you never know, it may just be what you need as well.
I have a friend around my age who also is travelling with her husband in their van and they seem to find work when and if they want it.
My hubby does not want me looking for work on the road as he say it will interfere with our freedom of choice.
I am now happy to comply with his wishes. Lol!
I'm hoping to get some advice please. As the title says. And I'm unable to retire for another 8 years due to a little age gap. I was studying, so have not worked for 3 years, which has left me more time to be at home or travelling. But recently I have been working on a 3 month contract, which the company would now like to offer me as a full-time permanent job.
I am torn between spending my time with hubby, as he had a stroke 2 years ago - but has recovered well - and doing the right thing (by Centrelink) and taking the job.We have a lovely van, which we have done some short trips in, but hubby had his heart set on month long trips now I have my degree. I don't want my over 3 decade marriage to fall apart, but know the extra money will come in handy. And really, it's just not right to be on Newstart if one has the offer of a job.
The main trouble is he has no hobbies nor interests to occupy his time at home. I've suggested all sorts of things as he is quite handy eg Men's Shed, volunteering in, say, a restoration of some lovely old bit of machinery, and more, but nothing inspires him except travelling. Which I do understand and love and really want to participate . But not yet. I think my work is willing to be flexible, (they gave me a week off to volunteer at the Commonwealth Games) so long weekends are quite possible. It's nearly midnight and I still can't sleep - maybe a hot chocolate... or just chocolate without the hot.
Thanks for listening.
SilverBrumby
Traveling around aimlessly can be pretty boring too.
A lot of blokes spend heaps of time washing & polishing their car/caravan because they've got nothing else better to do after reading the daily newspaper.
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need
You probably won't regret traveling now if you can afford to but what is it that You want to do Silver Brumby?
Joe
Hey thanks all for the ideas. And Aus-Kiwi- Hen-pecked?! No we are a team.
I may be the Captain of the team though, come to think of it.
SilverBrumby
Most women are
Bill B's comment is relevant and refers to both parties. You can easily get unexpected health surprises. Because regardless of our health record and how good we feel and appear, the odometer reads for all of the components of the body and without exception. Like it or not, as you age you do get frailer. Despite our efforts counteract it and all of that 'positive thinking', the process is inevitable.
Core Values first and that should direct you, no rationalisations.
Unfortunately his wife does not want to travel with him and she is now living in a home unit in a large regional town near to where they farmed all their lives.
He was obviously very sad with the arrangement as he said they had discussed retirement with caravan travel being agreed upon.
My suggestion is if you want to go then go, if you dont then tell him now, dont sling him along.
If you are uncertain then go for a while and try it for yourself. The lifestyle may not be for everyone and only if you try it will you know.
All of us on here do not know your personal financial situation. It may very well be that you realise that you, as a couple, still need the money you are earning and this needs to be discussed as well.
I am sure you are not the only one who may have been in this confusing situation but each decision is personal and eventually can only be decided by the individual.
My advice is if you dont need the money from the job and you want to be with your partner of thirty years then bugga Centrelink and go travelling.
You may find some work while travelling as many others do which may help to satisfy your needs for some independence.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Brumby, get your old man to the nearest Blazeaid camp. (Blazeaid .com)
He can set up the van, get power and shower. Be fed and watered, work at his own pace, plus get lots of information as to where to travel to and what to see.
I've been doing it since 2004.
Regards.
Pipes.
Hi SilverBrumby you wrote
I am torn between spending my time with hubby, as he had a stroke 2 years ago - but has recovered well - and doing the right thing (by Centrelink) and taking the job.We have a lovely van, which we have done some short trips in, but hubby had his heart set on month long trips now I have my degree. I don't want my over 3 decade marriage to fall apart, but know the extra money will come in handy. And really, it's just not right to be on Newstart if one has the offer of a job.
My short answer to you would be to weigh up your priorities and then problem is solved. By the way your nic is awesome.....regards Kisha.
I agree with Kisha above, only you will know what your priorities are, therefore only you will know what to do
I therefore wish you all the best in whatever you decide
As a matter of interest, I will have been married 50 years, next month
For the previous five years, my wife has not always travelled with me
She trusts me to come home, and I trust her to be home when I return
Hey, Tony ... that's very well put!
Trust is important in these things, especially when one half of the team has different priorities.
Luckily, +1 and I developed our plan to travel after retirement together, and both agreed that is what we'd do.
Then, some basteward went and developed Rheumatoid Artritis, didn't I. That has changed the plans a bit! So, now, a van is still on the agenda, but not as a "home on wheels" with no base to return to! We now will have a base, and travel as/when we feel we can.
Best laid plans and all that!
Three to six months would not be too long for your hubby to wait and you will have earned extra $ towards the grey nomad lifestyle and you can still do weekend trips. You will also have that extra work experience that would stand you in good stead for picking up an opportunity for work as you travel if that is part of your long term plan.
I agree with the above comment that you have to sort out priorities but that involves compromise for both of you, so that you don't feel resentful down the track about what might have been and you're absolved of any guilt about Centrelink payments. However my opinion is just that and you have to go with what's best for you both - good luck with what seems like a tough decision but can be a win-win situation with a bit of compromise
Cheers, Kay
I am quite a few years younger than my husband and I had similar feelings when he decided to retire. He loved his job but just had had enough and wanted to do other things including travel.
Not wanting to comment on your personal requirements but I wasn't sure at first that I would fit into long term vanning.
Once we were set up and covered all requirements re our home, family and general services on the road and we actually set off was when I realised how much I enjoy this new part of our life.
I enjoy seeing my hubby happy as I know how hard he worked through his life and he really does deserve it.
As some others have said, give it a try over short periods, you never know, it may just be what you need as well.
I have a friend around my age who also is travelling with her husband in their van and they seem to find work when and if they want it.
My hubby does not want me looking for work on the road as he say it will interfere with our freedom of choice.
I am now happy to comply with his wishes. Lol!
Good luck with your decision.