How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVOURITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Dougwe said
07:08 AM May 21, 2016
Love 'em all Neil and Raine.
"Why did you just try singing the songs above" Bugga, caught me on that one
KFT said
12:41 PM May 21, 2016
thanks buddy
that really got me going and yes I did hear those tunes in my head
must try to find a father in law joke for you though
Tony Bev said
05:49 PM May 21, 2016
Hello NeilandRaine
With tongue in cheek, I will try to answer some of the questions, I am not a real deep thinker, so I may be slightly out on a few of them, anyway it is all in good fun
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? A) Very important
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? A) It allows you to get your hands underneath to pull the pizza out
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? A) Prior to 1969 there was a space race, they probably needed all the wheels they could get
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? A) They are talking about that period of time, between the baby going to sleep and waking up
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? A) People only go IN, to a TV, to repair them
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? A) They like to see how high up they are
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway... A) Although laughter is the best medicine, there is a time and place for everything
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? A) For people who like to toast frozen bread
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? A) Without the song, we would never have known, that no one cared about poor Jimmy
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! A) A dog standing erect, would look goofy
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? A) Younger in age, lighter in weight, mineral oil. If it was made from older in age, heavier in weight mineral oil, it would probably have been called grandparent oil
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? A) No. The Alphabet song I know went A...B...C...D...EEE, and so on, and was changed on a weekly basis
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? A) They are my two favourite songs
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? A) Yes, it is their way of telling us to stop complaining about their bad breath
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? A) It is still easier than getting up and changing the channel, also there is less chance of getting a shock, from a depleted battery
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? A) It is their way of keeping in practice
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? A) Astronomers have no reason to lie. DIY painters on the other hand, are overall, an unknown source of reliability
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? A) In case the injector, accidentally pricks himself, prior to filling the syringe
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? A) As a champion swimmer, the beard would have caused a lot of drag
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? A) It is to practice his natural instincts, for when he puts his civvies on
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? A) To keep their head warm, when the canopy was open
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? A) Some of my family are slow developers, and still evolving
Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? A) The colour gets washed off, while the bubbles are in the water
Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale? A) Yes, three days in every four years, on 29th February
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? A) To show that we still have faith in human nature
Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? A) To try and help the suction of the vacuum cleaner, by breaking the original suction of the thread to the floor
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? A) Static electricity, vacuum, or just bad luck
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? A) They crawl in a very small opening, when they are small, and then the last man standing, is too large to get out
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? A) It is called the knock on effect
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? A) It is a culture thing, we move around blocking the draughts, the blood circulates, and it keeps us warm
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? A) An irate father-in-law is not as passive, as what an irate mother-in-law is
And my FAVOURITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. A) My three friends told me to say, no comment to this question
Magnarc said
03:29 PM Jun 4, 2016
I seem to remember in the dim past that the word Asassination only applied to heads of state.
Love 'em all Neil and Raine.
"Why did you just try singing the songs above" Bugga, caught me on that one
that really got me going and yes I did hear those tunes in my head
must try to find a father in law joke for you though
Hello NeilandRaine
With tongue in cheek, I will try to answer some of the questions, I am not a real deep thinker, so I may be slightly out on a few of them, anyway it is all in good fun
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
A) Very important
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A) It allows you to get your hands underneath to pull the pizza out
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
A) Prior to 1969 there was a space race, they probably needed all the wheels they could get
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
A) They are talking about that period of time, between the baby going to sleep and waking up
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
A) People only go IN, to a TV, to repair them
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
A) They like to see how high up they are
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...
A) Although laughter is the best medicine, there is a time and place for everything
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
A) For people who like to toast frozen bread
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
A) Without the song, we would never have known, that no one cared about poor Jimmy
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
A) A dog standing erect, would look goofy
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
A) Younger in age, lighter in weight, mineral oil. If it was made from older in age, heavier in weight mineral oil, it would probably have been called grandparent oil
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
A) No.
The Alphabet song I know went A...B...C...D...EEE, and so on, and was changed on a weekly basis
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
A) They are my two favourite songs
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
A) Yes, it is their way of telling us to stop complaining about their bad breath
Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
A) It is still easier than getting up and changing the channel, also there is less chance of getting a shock, from a depleted battery
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
A) It is their way of keeping in practice
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
A) Astronomers have no reason to lie. DIY painters on the other hand, are overall, an unknown source of reliability
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
A) In case the injector, accidentally pricks himself, prior to filling the syringe
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
A) As a champion swimmer, the beard would have caused a lot of drag
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
A) It is to practice his natural instincts, for when he puts his civvies on
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A) To keep their head warm, when the canopy was open
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
A) Some of my family are slow developers, and still evolving
Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
A) The colour gets washed off, while the bubbles are in the water
Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale?
A) Yes, three days in every four years, on 29th February
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
A) To show that we still have faith in human nature
Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
A) To try and help the suction of the vacuum cleaner, by breaking the original suction of the thread to the floor
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
A) Static electricity, vacuum, or just bad luck
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
A) They crawl in a very small opening, when they are small, and then the last man standing, is too large to get out
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
A) It is called the knock on effect
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
A) It is a culture thing, we move around blocking the draughts, the blood circulates, and it keeps us warm
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
A) An irate father-in-law is not as passive, as what an irate mother-in-law is
And my
FAVOURITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
A) My three friends told me to say, no comment to this question
I seem to remember in the dim past that the word Asassination only applied to heads of state.