A Man's Age -- as Determined by a Trip to Bunnings
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --. Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, ...painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Bunnings to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the bad smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Bunnings Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Gold Coast's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Bunnings until the Chemist has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.
In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Bunnings. Go to K-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond: What's a bundings ? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
You like this.
Bruce and Bev said
08:26 AM Apr 27, 2015
Oh, very good Jules. If only a man had the time from doing all the chores and going to Bunnings, the chemist or K-Mart, he might do one for you ladies LOL
Woody n Sue said
12:47 PM Apr 27, 2015
Well put together nice work
Happywanderer said
03:34 PM Apr 27, 2015
That's a classic Jules. Love it.
moamajohn said
06:38 PM Apr 27, 2015
Pretty much the truth and that's OK by me .
liz795 said
08:42 PM Apr 27, 2015
Jules47. that is fantastic, just picking myself off the floor. Lol
-- Edited by liz795 on Monday 27th of April 2015 08:42:51 PM
Philw said
08:52 PM Apr 27, 2015
Oh Jules. We have the grand daughter ages 3 staying over night. The wife and I are laughing so hard we have to smother our faces in the pillows so as to not wake her up. This ones a cracker.
Bevandy2 said
11:21 PM Apr 27, 2015
Well done Jules, hilarious, will I be breaching copy right if I forward it to our club members in the ACC,? They will love it.
Bevan
jules47 said
09:01 AM Apr 28, 2015
Glad you all like it - I cracked up when I read it - and Bevandy2 - I "borrowed" it from somewhere else - so go for you life - share it round.
Dodge said
12:50 PM Apr 28, 2015
Love it never a truer word said
Does not matter that you borrowed it, I am sure all those that read it will get a laugh out of it as it will relate to them in some way
A Man's Age -- as Determined by a Trip to Bunnings
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --.
Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, ...painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from
who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you
need to run to Bunnings to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the bad smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands..
Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Bunnings
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Gold Coast's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Bunnings until the Chemist has your prescriptions ready, too.
Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.
The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you need to go to Bunnings. Go to K-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.
You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a bundings ? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
Jules47. that is fantastic, just picking myself off the floor. Lol
-- Edited by liz795 on Monday 27th of April 2015 08:42:51 PM
Oh Jules. We have the grand daughter ages 3 staying over night. The wife and I are laughing so hard we have to smother our faces in the pillows so as to not wake her up. This ones a cracker.
Bevan
Does not matter that you borrowed it, I am sure all those that read it will get a laugh out of it as it will relate to them in some way
Good one Jules !