This will test your expertise with Kiwi vowels. (New Zealand)
Condom factory burns down in New Zealand :
Helen Clarke, ex-Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy !! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."
PM: "Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W'ill be ruined."
Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain ?"
PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"
PM: "I'll call Tony Abbott. Tell him we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."
Three days later, a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
She finds one million condoms - 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"
Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie Oi Oi Oi.
Cheers kiwijims
kiwijims said
12:01 PM Mar 3, 2014
Sorry about the look of this post Folks,
Can't make it come out any wider, and I can't remove it either ????
kiwijims
Dougwe said
05:50 PM Mar 3, 2014
Maybe cos your post is not Ozzie made KJ.
dazren said
06:50 PM Mar 3, 2014
This is a more readable version of Kiwijims Joke
Condom factory burns down in New Zealand :
Helen Clarke, ex-Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy !! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."
PM: "Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W'ill be ruined."
Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain ?"
PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"
PM: "I'll call Tony Abbott. Tell him we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."
Three days later, a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
She finds one million condoms - 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"
Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie Oi Oi Oi.
-- Edited by dazren on Monday 3rd of March 2014 06:52:14 PM
Dougwe said
08:01 PM Mar 3, 2014
I hope there wasn't a pin in the box.
Who said that?
W o m b a t
Aus-Kiwi said
10:19 PM Mar 3, 2014
Aha like they're made here..
hako said
10:56 PM Mar 3, 2014
Dougwe wrote:
I hope there wasn't a pin in the box.
Who said that?
W o m b a t
My Mum used to say to my brothers girlfriend that he was long and skinny because he was strained through a pinhole in a french letter.
I never brought a girlfriend home as I knew she'd say the same about me.
spida said
07:12 PM Mar 5, 2014
I was prepared to be all offended but am laughing at the end:)
Dougwe said
07:30 PM Mar 5, 2014
That's the ticket Vida. Much better to get a laugh out of things than be offended. It's all in fun.
spida said
09:03 AM Mar 6, 2014
Dougwe wrote:
That's the ticket Vida. Much better to get a laugh out of things than be offended. It's all in fun.
True. The joke it self was funny but the way it HAD to be presented is starting to get so boring!!!
I just dont know why our slight difference in pronunciation of some words is such a problem to the Aussies! Do you sling off at Americans, Canadians, Indians etc in the same way???? Or maybe it is reserved for us because you love having us here so much My biggest problem is that I cannot hear the difference in anything amongst older people other than words like 'dance' and am always quite taken back when people have to make a point of telling me that the way I say eg 'eight 'is different to their way - sounds the same to me!!!! Or maybe it is the self satisfied smirk and superior tone some people use when correcting me that galls. So rude actually and makes people sound so very provincial! Being critical is nothing to be smug about.
Herb said
08:02 PM Mar 8, 2014
spida, me and the wife always have a laugh as to who gets picked as a kiwi first. Its usually her as soon as she opens her mouth to talk. Anyway its fun as far as we are concerned, we have been mistaken for south Australian many times as their accent is very similar to ours being from the south island, again doesn't matter we like SA . In the end its just another example of the banter between the two countries. oh and 'sex' friends are better than 'six' friends in my book. Its the people that take offence to being called criminals that make me laugh, the countries full of them. Hey and the other one is if they that against us how come they claim all our good stuff like split endz. ( they can have deans)
oh and then there's the positives, we rocked on up to a pub in the middle of nowhere SA and when they picked the accent (wife again ordering drinks) we got shouted a few rounds and had great night with locals who talked bout the bloody townies who came out and tried to tell them how to run their farms made some good mates and definitely going back or the time we were in coastal SA and had night with locals at club showing them kiwi drinking games or the time we met old couple in mall, they were having a bit trouble so we helped, to have them say to us ' you must be kiwis, no aussies would have helped they all to busy' mmm they were both Australian. Most places we have been made to feel welcome, the times we haven't we have just moved on, no time for simple minded, sexist, racist, ignorant idiots who think there way is always the only way.
The way we see it is who cares, we aren't ashamed to be kiwis and we also don't trash Aussies for there ways as they entitled to be different.
Can't make it come out any wider, and I can't remove it either ????
kiwijims
This is a more readable version of Kiwijims Joke
Condom factory burns down in New Zealand :
Helen Clarke, ex-Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy !! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."
PM: "Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W'ill be ruined."
Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain ?"
PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"
PM: "I'll call Tony Abbott. Tell him we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."
Three days later, a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
She finds one million condoms - 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"
Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie Oi Oi Oi.
-- Edited by dazren on Monday 3rd of March 2014 06:52:14 PM
Who said that?
W o m b a t
My Mum used to say to my brothers girlfriend that he was long and skinny because he was strained through a pinhole in a french letter.
I never brought a girlfriend home as I knew she'd say the same about me.
True. The joke it self was funny but the way it HAD to be presented is starting to get so boring!!!
I just dont know why our slight difference in pronunciation of some words is such a problem to the Aussies! Do you sling off at Americans, Canadians, Indians etc in the same way???? Or maybe it is reserved for us because you love having us here so much
My biggest problem is that I cannot hear the difference in anything amongst older people other than words like 'dance' and am always quite taken back when people have to make a point of telling me that the way I say eg 'eight 'is different to their way - sounds the same to me!!!! Or maybe it is the self satisfied smirk and superior tone some people use when correcting me that galls.
So rude actually and makes people sound so very provincial! Being critical is nothing to be smug about.
oh and then there's the positives, we rocked on up to a pub in the middle of nowhere SA and when they picked the accent (wife again ordering drinks) we got shouted a few rounds and had great night with locals who talked bout the bloody townies who came out and tried to tell them how to run their farms made some good mates and definitely going back or the time we were in coastal SA and had night with locals at club showing them kiwi drinking games or the time we met old couple in mall, they were having a bit trouble so we helped, to have them say to us ' you must be kiwis, no aussies would have helped they all to busy' mmm they were both Australian. Most places we have been made to feel welcome, the times we haven't we have just moved on, no time for simple minded, sexist, racist, ignorant idiots who think there way is always the only way.
The way we see it is who cares, we aren't ashamed to be kiwis and we also don't trash Aussies for there ways as they entitled to be different.