I'm afraid I am totally 'gobsmacked' after a phone call from my mother. Her doctor has told her my Dad is 'in the wrong place' (dementia ward). While I'm still waiting to talk to the doctor myself I can't believe what she has said. She was one of two doctors who said Mum had done the right thing by putting Dad into care. Now she has totally turned things upside down by giving such different advice. I wait to see if it IS what she said or my Mum's interpretation. She has certainly forgotten how unwell my mother was pre-admission of Dad. I'm still in shock.
Gerty Dancer said
12:40 AM May 18, 2013
O dear, she must be feeling terrible about him being there now, if he really told her that maybe he's ready to be in a dementia unit too?!. Good luck sorting this mess out!
Happywanderer said
03:52 AM May 18, 2013
Your poor mum must be feeling terrible right now. if he's in the wrong place where should he be? and who organised for him to be there? Wouldn't the doctor be involved in his admission to this place?
neilnruth said
06:15 AM May 18, 2013
Yes, HW. Two doctors said she had done the right thing. Now one of them says it's the wrong place. I'm trying to encourage Mum not to rush into her decision but try and get him into the nursing home section. In the meantime I've asked for the dr to ring me.
Gerty Dancer said
03:55 PM May 18, 2013
Hope you can sort it without having to make another trip to her home Ruth.
Ooops... the Dr is female, my previous post doesn't make much sense. I meant its the Dr who might be eligible for the dementia unit!
neilnruth said
02:28 AM May 19, 2013
I'm inclined to agree Gerty - not sure what she was thinking. Friends visited this morning and they say she is still saying she's taking him home - after some changes like new beds! Hmmm. Not sure beds will make that much difference to the previous situation of not coping.
Clare46 said
03:08 AM May 19, 2013
Are you sure that the Dr actually said it and that it is not Mum feeling guilty about him being in care and using it as an excuse to
bring him home'
neilnruth said
01:00 AM May 20, 2013
That's what I'm yet to find out. I think she did as Dr suggested hostel with adjoining rooms and Mum said that wasn't available. Tomorrow I might know.
Rip and Rosie said
06:57 PM May 20, 2013
Dementia is a cruel illness, and you have my sympathy. There is no more difficult decision than choosing to place a loved one in care. However, once made, and once aligned with a good facility, it can be very positive. It frees the carer from escalating everyday obligations and increasing stress, and it allows them to spend quality time with the loved one instead of spending every waking moment doing the physical tasks. I have lived this journey, and I understand. However, the "settling in" period is difficult - for everyone. Good luck.
-- Edited by Rip and Rosie on Monday 20th of May 2013 07:00:08 PM
Happywanderer said
08:23 PM Jun 3, 2013
Any updates NeilnRuth
neilnruth said
04:29 AM Jun 4, 2013
Sorry - I forgot to update. The Dr has never rung me back. I did make a phone call to the facility and then got one back. The end result is rather miraculous. Dad has got into a single room in the new dementia unit at the same facility. Rooms come up very rarely so I told Mum she needed to act quickly. She did and we visited him there today and I was told he had settled in well and was happy. Mum has even been brave enough to take him back to her unit for afternoon tea on the weekend and he said when he was finished 'It must be time I went back.' So a happy ending to a very frustrating 'comment' - I'd still like to ask that Dr why she said it before assessing how my mother was. And fortunately the facility has never told Mum I made the phone call - she just thinks the dr must have talked to them. Dad should be able to see his days out in that unit now. It could be a very long goodbye. Thanks for asking HW.
Grams said
10:18 AM Jun 4, 2013
Ruth I am so glad it's sorted, your poor Mum, she must have thought she had done the wrong thing for your dad. Sometimes I wish people, doctors included, would look at all the facts first before shooting their mouths off.
-- Edited by Grams on Tuesday 4th of June 2013 10:18:36 AM
I'm afraid I am totally 'gobsmacked' after a phone call from my mother. Her doctor has told her my Dad is 'in the wrong place' (dementia ward). While I'm still waiting to talk to the doctor myself I can't believe what she has said. She was one of two doctors who said Mum had done the right thing by putting Dad into care. Now she has totally turned things upside down by giving such different advice. I wait to see if it IS what she said or my Mum's interpretation. She has certainly forgotten how unwell my mother was pre-admission of Dad. I'm still in shock.
Good luck sorting this mess out!
Ooops... the Dr is female, my previous post doesn't make much sense. I meant its the Dr who might be eligible for the dementia unit!
Are you sure that the Dr actually said it and that it is not Mum feeling guilty about him being in care and using it as an excuse to
bring him home'
Dementia is a cruel illness, and you have my sympathy.
There is no more difficult decision than choosing to place a loved one in care.
However, once made, and once aligned with a good facility, it can be very positive. It frees the carer from escalating everyday obligations and increasing stress, and it allows them to spend quality time with the loved one instead of spending every waking moment doing the physical tasks.
I have lived this journey, and I understand.
However, the "settling in" period is difficult - for everyone.
Good luck.
-- Edited by Rip and Rosie on Monday 20th of May 2013 07:00:08 PM
Ruth I am so glad it's sorted, your poor Mum, she must have thought she had done the wrong thing for your dad. Sometimes I wish people, doctors included, would look at all the facts first before shooting their mouths off.
-- Edited by Grams on Tuesday 4th of June 2013 10:18:36 AM