Was hoping to fly down to melbourne to visit grandson for the first time.
Finances have been tight, now in a position to go, now there has been a big bust up between my sonand his partner/ She is 10 years older than him and is still married, he was begging her to get a divorce, and she came up with some lame excuse. I have not seen them for 10 months. and only met her mother for 3 hours last time I was down there. Anyway she told howard my husband on the phone that her mother doesnt like me. wthe. ?? I am fairly devastated, and upset naturally about this, bear in mind, how can someone make judgement about someone in about 3 hours, I have been nursing howard for 18 months, I am exhausted, and lost my mum and grandmother in the last 3 years. We have been out of work, and living from day to day like everyone else who goes through trials that they dont expect. Anyway I am at my wits end, I feel like I am sliding into abyss of depression, trying desperately to elevate myself. It has put my son in an insidious position, he desperately wants to see me and show me the baby, but the mother and her mother are acting like lunatics. I was going to stay in a hotel and just visit.
I have lavished gifts on this girl, and been polite. I do know that grandparents have legal rights to see children. what do you think I am so upset and angry
Happywanderer said
04:47 PM Jan 27, 2012
Go anyway Lyn. Know where you are coming from. I have a similiar situation. I just turn up anyway and have treated my grandchildrens mother the same, with respect, all the way through. She knows I know what shes up to and we have a freindly relationship regardless. She knows if she steps out of line I will be up there in an instant. My son knows I'm packed ready to go if it gets out of hand again.
You were going to stay at a hotel anyway so go and sort out visits with your son.
Just a thought maybe the woman told your son her mum doesn't like you to push his buttons. Thats a handy trick played to get their own way. Ignore it and go anyway.
Travel Bug said
08:04 PM Jan 28, 2012
Go anyway Lyn and bug*er them. Stay in the hotel and visit...that way you don't have to become too involved with the two women. The mother of the baby is possibly telling lies to get her own way and manipulate your son. Whether her mother likes you or not is totally irrelevant anyway. You are still the baby's grandmother.
Hope that things soon take a turn for the better for you and Howard.
Take care.
Antique Pete said
03:25 PM Jan 29, 2012
Lyn avoid at all cost that slide into depression I have been there and it is very hard to shake it off, go see your doctor and explain the situation to them. It is not something you can fight on your own I have not seen my grand kids for years due to family interference ( ex wife interfering ) Just go and see your son and grandchild and if your son has any back bone he will back you up, don't be bullied
Peterpan said
11:08 PM Jan 29, 2012
I thought that this was quite inspirational. It came from my sister.
I might not be someones first choice,
...but I am a great choice.
I may not be rich....but I am valuable.
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not,
....because I am good at being me.
I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past,
...but Iam proud of who I am today.
I may not be perfect....but I don't need to be.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.
Kevin
Ma said
11:16 PM Jan 29, 2012
Yes that is a good inspirational verse. There are many variants on the theme but all good and can be adapted to many situations.
Cruising Granny said
08:21 AM Jan 31, 2012
Stand tall and proud girl!!! There are only so many knocks we can handle on our own. Seek some support if you have to. You've obviously got your hands full at home, and now this. Ignore the women. Care about your son, and make sure he knows you're on your way. The mother especially is in no position to judge you at all. What an awful position thoses women have put him in. He's the father of a child. You're his mother and the grand mother of the child. You have every right to be part of the child's and your son's life, however spasmodic. Get yourself down there for your own sake. It seems something is rotten in "Denmark. " I can't handle these brain twisting family issues. There's always more to it than just the b!tch factor. It's an odd circumstance you son has himself in, but it's his problem, not the child's. Be strong. With your son's support, enjoy your visit.
Beth54 said
06:04 PM Feb 1, 2012
Sorry I didn't see your post before Lyn. As I said yesterday, I can't stand mind games and the people who play them.
I understand your difficulty. You are hesitant to make that emotional connection with your grandchild, because the woman may not stay in your son's life. But I agree with Marj, see your son, hopefully you'll get to see his child, and b.ugger the women!
Happywanderer said
12:12 AM Feb 2, 2012
Further to my original post and leading on from Beths post I have an emotional connection with my 2 grandchildren up north as their mother knows better than to cut the ties. No matter where she takes them or if she takes them anywhere now she knows I will be in their lives regardless of the situation with my son. She has said she respects my directness with regards to the situation and realises I will say my piece if I have to, even to keep those kids in my sons life.
Beth54 said
12:22 AM Feb 2, 2012
Happywanderer wrote:
Further to my original post and leading on from Beths post I have an emotional connection with my 2 grandchildren up north as their mother knows better than to cut the ties. No matter where she takes them or if she takes them anywhere now she knows I will be in their lives regardless of the situation with my son. She has said she respects my directness with regards to the situation and realises I will say my piece if I have to, even to keep those kids in my sons life.
Good for you Marj. Thank God I don't have any of those problems, but I knw of others who do. I really feel for them.
Vic said
01:22 AM Feb 4, 2012
Hang in there A/C and still go on your trip, if the MIL doesn't like you then that is her problem, you can't make someone like you and if they don't then stiff for them, don't let it get you down!
Play her at her own game and turn up anyway whether she likes it or not.
animalcarer said
11:48 PM Feb 5, 2012
Decided not to go, its tooooo much. Cant stand the bickering and fighting, decided to walk away at this time, and concentrate on gettting our truck with solar panels done, and buy new toilet and install shower. Had enough of the crap from them in melbourne, the baby can wait until they all settle down a bit. Thanks for all your input I read each response about 3 times it was so good
Ma said
12:14 AM Feb 6, 2012
You have to do what is right for YOU at the time Lynnette. As you say, wait till everything settles down a bit and you feel more like you can cope with all the rubbish that is being dished out.
I am thinking of you as I know what it is like, I miss 4 of my grandies very much. I get to see them once a year if I am lucky.
animalcarer said
02:54 AM Feb 6, 2012
Thanks Ma, It is starting to do my head in, dammed if I do, dammed if I dont, its like I have a indifference about the whole situation, and just want to concentrate on what howie and I are doing. I am so serious about working me tail off to get the solar panels and things ready, so I can hear the starter gun and take off. All I want is for people to get one and be nice. Anyway did cook a nice aldi chicken, roast kumara, pumpkin and babbule and squeak, good old comfort food.
Ma said
03:59 AM Feb 6, 2012
You are doing the right thing Lynette, concentrate on you and Howard and eventually things may work out and if they don't then when the child is old enough to ask questions you will find that they will come and look for you.
Try not to let them rule your life and your thinking as this will take quality time away from you and Howard and you both deserve some quality of life after all you have been through.
Gerty Dancer said
06:09 AM Feb 6, 2012
Hang in there Lynette, someday maybe they'll sort themselves out. You deserve some peace and respect which is what you have with Howie.
animalcarer said
06:20 AM Feb 6, 2012
Thank thank you, its almost I need validation at this point in my journey, because it has been so hard, and I want us just to take a breather and enjoy ourselves, its almost again like I have to seek approval to do our own thing, which is ridiculous I know, but I am learning to be smarter. Thanks again.
Was hoping to fly down to melbourne to visit grandson for the first time.
Finances have been tight, now in a position to go, now there has been a big bust up between my sonand his partner/ She is 10 years older than him and is still married, he was begging her to get a divorce, and she came up with some lame excuse. I have not seen them for 10 months. and only met her mother for 3 hours last time I was down there. Anyway she told howard my husband on the phone that her mother doesnt like me. wthe. ?? I am fairly devastated, and upset naturally about this, bear in mind, how can someone make judgement about someone in about 3 hours, I have been nursing howard for 18 months, I am exhausted, and lost my mum and grandmother in the last 3 years. We have been out of work, and living from day to day like everyone else who goes through trials that they dont expect. Anyway I am at my wits end, I feel like I am sliding into abyss of depression, trying desperately to elevate myself. It has put my son in an insidious position, he desperately wants to see me and show me the baby, but the mother and her mother are acting like lunatics. I was going to stay in a hotel and just visit.
I have lavished gifts on this girl, and been polite. I do know that grandparents have legal rights to see children. what do you think I am so upset and angry
Know where you are coming from.
I have a similiar situation. I just turn up anyway and have treated my grandchildrens mother the same, with respect, all the way through. She knows I know what shes up to and we have a freindly relationship regardless.
She knows if she steps out of line I will be up there in an instant.
My son knows I'm packed ready to go if it gets out of hand again.
You were going to stay at a hotel anyway so go and sort out visits with your son.
Just a thought maybe the woman told your son her mum doesn't like you to push his buttons. Thats a handy trick played to get their own way.
Ignore it and go anyway.
Go anyway Lyn and bug*er them. Stay in the hotel and visit...that way you don't have to become too involved with the two women. The mother of the baby is possibly telling lies to get her own way and manipulate your son. Whether her mother likes you or not is totally irrelevant anyway. You are still the baby's grandmother.
Hope that things soon take a turn for the better for you and Howard.
Take care.
It is not something you can fight on your own
I have not seen my grand kids for years due to family interference ( ex wife interfering )
Just go and see your son and grandchild and if your son has any back bone he will back you up, don't be bullied
I thought that this was quite inspirational. It came from my sister.
I might not be someones first choice,
...but I am a great choice.
I may not be rich....but I am valuable.
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not,
....because I am good at being me.
I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past,
...but Iam proud of who I am today.
I may not be perfect....but I don't need to be.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.
Kevin
Yes that is a good inspirational verse. There are many variants on the theme but all good and can be adapted to many situations.
You've obviously got your hands full at home, and now this.
Ignore the women. Care about your son, and make sure he knows you're on your way. The mother especially is in no position to judge you at all.
What an awful position thoses women have put him in. He's the father of a child. You're his mother and the grand mother of the child. You have every right to be part of the child's and your son's life, however spasmodic. Get yourself down there for your own sake.
It seems something is rotten in "Denmark. "
I can't handle these brain twisting family issues. There's always more to it than just the b!tch factor. It's an odd circumstance you son has himself in, but it's his problem, not the child's.
Be strong. With your son's support, enjoy your visit.
Sorry I didn't see your post before Lyn. As I said yesterday, I can't stand mind games and the people who play them.
I understand your difficulty. You are hesitant to make that emotional connection with your grandchild, because the woman may not stay in your son's life. But I agree with Marj, see your son, hopefully you'll get to see his child, and b.ugger the women!
She has said she respects my directness with regards to the situation and realises I will say my piece if I have to, even to keep those kids in my sons life.
Good for you Marj. Thank God I don't have any of those problems, but I knw of others who do. I really feel for them.
Hang in there A/C and still go on your trip, if the MIL doesn't like you then that is her problem, you can't make someone like you and if they don't then stiff for them, don't let it get you down!
Play her at her own game and turn up anyway whether she likes it or not.
Decided not to go, its tooooo much. Cant stand the bickering and fighting, decided to walk away at this time, and concentrate on gettting our truck with solar panels done, and buy new toilet and install shower. Had enough of the crap from them in melbourne, the baby can wait until they all settle down a bit. Thanks for all your input I read each response about 3 times it was so good
You have to do what is right for YOU at the time Lynnette. As you say, wait till everything settles down a bit and you feel more like you can cope with all the rubbish that is being dished out.
I am thinking of you as I know what it is like, I miss 4 of my grandies very much. I get to see them once a year if I am lucky.
Thanks Ma, It is starting to do my head in, dammed if I do, dammed if I dont, its like I have a indifference about the whole situation, and just want to concentrate on what howie and I are doing. I am so serious about working me tail off to get the solar panels and things ready, so I can hear the starter gun and take off. All I want is for people to get one and be nice. Anyway did cook a nice aldi chicken, roast kumara, pumpkin and babbule and squeak, good old comfort food.
You are doing the right thing Lynette, concentrate on you and Howard and eventually things may work out and if they don't then when the child is old enough to ask questions you will find that they will come and look for you.
Try not to let them rule your life and your thinking as this will take quality time away from you and Howard and you both deserve some quality of life after all you have been through.