for one reason or other which i wont go into I've had to ask my 21 year old son that he has to move out of home,, this is not a happy move but one that had to be made,,, i feel  that i've failed hm as a parent because of the way he's turned out,,, god i feel low

Wow!  that's sad...My son was a bit of a bludger at that age ...Continuous love and backing him up has produced a 27 yr good Man...Not knowing the circumstances stances of course.....Think long and Hard about  your decision.....He is after all your flesh and blood........I really feel for you....

Don,t feel so bad-my dad kicked me out at 16, and now I own my own house and business. It definitly made me independent,and able to look after myself. might be a good thing for him.

i'm trying to think it's for his own good, i guess time will tell if the rift will be mended,, however i can not continue to allow him to stay and show the disrespect that he does to me and more importantly his step mother who would turn her self inside out to help him and he treats her like dirt and that i can not allow,,,,,,,,,,maybe sometime in the future he'll see that all we tried to do is provide a loving home

Take heart this may be the best lesson in life he will ever get. My eldest left home because of work and he now says that he never new he had it so good until he had to fend for himself. He said it was the little things he missed the most. Give him some time then make contact and see how the cookie crumbles. I hope it all turns out well for you and remember life is to short to hold a grudge for too long. Good Thoughts Dodg.

dont feel bad many people have to do the same my brother was a huge heroin addict and even though your circumstances may not be the same in a rehab centre they tell you to give them the option its the door grow up and show respect . I did it to my daughter twice shes now a wonderful mother with two gorgeous chidren,its not all that bad i did feel awful but there was no other way for me i have a friend has two sons the same they punch holes in the walls at her home when they are annoyed you name it and she wont do it but for some its the only answer . so dont punish yourself 21 is old enough to know better beachball and im sure he will come to his senses inthe long run if not then at least you dont have to put up with it life is way too short good luck i truly hope it all works out for you.

As a 2nd time married also, I had the same problem with a son, he got drunk regularly, was on drugs, and abused and frightened my wifes daughters. Fifteen years later (a long time I know), but the bridges are now healed and we back on speaking terms, in fact he recently married an older partner with a down syndrome son, who he loves to death.
Just proves that they all can change, they just need that catalyst (usually a partner) to get them back on track and enjoying what life has to offer.

On the reverse side, my wifes 2 daughters were quite rebellious toward me as they were seriously loyal to their Italian father, this lasted for at least 5 or 6 years, they then realised that I was here for keeps and not such a bad fella after all (lol).

Nowadays, to tell you the truth, the girls think more highly of me than they do their natural father.

Think positive mate, and keep shining...the ship will right itself, if it doesn't it was never meant to be.
Either way, you have made the right decion and are better off.

-- Edited by Benwerrin on Saturday 4th of December 2010 03:16:53 PM

thanks people for you kind words and support, it seems a bit hollow just at the moment as he's been with me full time since his mother left him with me to go off and do her thing about 6 years ago,, i thought that i have done a fairly god job of bringing him up on my own, but it started when i found love agian after 10 years on my own,, i know that time heals most wounds and given time it may all work out,,,,, thanks again folks

Sometimes for their own good and our sanity we have to stop propping them up and say "enough is enough" and step away letting whatever happens happens.
 It is so difficult but at 21 he must learn that actions have consequences and that he is responsible for himself.
Eventually he will come around and have more respect for himself and his family as a result of your stand - hang in there and know you have done a good job - you are not and cannot be responsible for his actions.
I know cos we have been there.

I agree with Barry and Jenny, you have to stop propping them up, we don't help our children by doing that.  Kicking out the crutches from under them will hurt for a while but living your lives to the fullest will demonstrate to the younger generation what they can do if they set their minds to it.  Most of us have had to work hard for what we have and theres no reason why your son and other young people can't do the same thing.

Kath