It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the Qantas departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place A lady was picking through the frozen ducks at a Woolworth's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these ducks get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.' 3rd Place The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the policeman said. The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
2nd Place A semi-trailer driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car came up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009 A teacher at a TAFE College reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and s******ing. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
Mike47 said
04:44 PM Jan 5, 2010
This forum MUST be ammuricun. You can't say ****atoo or s******, but you can say arse?????
The Gnome said
09:06 AM Jan 6, 2010
Mike that's because the 'Mericans spell it ass.
The Gnome said
09:08 AM Jan 6, 2010
OOPS that got thru too.
Rolly said
12:31 PM Jan 6, 2010
My guess is that the word censor was set up by some one with limited life experience and a narrow perspective on everything.
We know that the platform on which this forum is based is religious in its origin and possibly censorial in attitude and fixed in its 'ethics'.
The last one is a worthy winner.
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the Qantas departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen ducks at a Woolworth's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these ducks get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the policeman said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
2nd Place
A semi-trailer driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car came up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab
And said to the driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
A teacher at a TAFE College reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s******ing.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
My guess is that the word censor was set up by some one with limited life experience and a narrow perspective on everything.
We know that the platform on which this forum is based is religious in its origin and possibly censorial in attitude and fixed in its 'ethics'.
You know: "Be reasonable. Do it my way."