Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you all for the e-mails you have forwarded throughout the year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ...
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will **** on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your groin area, causing you to grow a great hairy lump. I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Regards and Best wishes for the year ahead.
clazandaza said
09:01 PM Dec 18, 2009
Gosh double D. I had tears in my eyes reading your moving and tender message to all us mere mortals. Anywho, merry sypillyis and a happy gonnerrea.
Love
ANDOS
Disco Duck said
01:57 AM Dec 19, 2009
Well.....mate..... I have to say....if I listened to the lot of you......I would have ALL that by now!! Thank god for anti-biotics!!! LOL
-- Edited by Disco Duck on Saturday 19th of December 2009 12:58:02 AM
ibbo said
12:22 PM Dec 19, 2009
Ducky mate,not feeling "Crabby" are you.You wouldn't listen,back to the anti bi"s.Cheers.Ibbo.
Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you all for the e-mails you have forwarded throughout the year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But
that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the
senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore
and Uzbekistan ...
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will **** on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your groin area, causing you to grow a great hairy lump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read
their emails while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Regards and Best wishes for the year ahead.
Love
ANDOS
-- Edited by Disco Duck on Saturday 19th of December 2009 12:58:02 AM