Having failed to sell our house last year, we have decided to stay put for a while but have it extended to enhance its value.

We therefore applied for planning permission for a major extension that would make the house 100ft tall and 400ft wide with nine turrets at various heights complete with windows all over the place.

It would have parking for 100 cars and I was going to paint it sicky green and orange.

The town council rejected the application out-of-hand and more or less told me to sod off.

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.

Building work starts next Monday.