Beautiful Chris. Very apt...

Chris well done.A pleasure to read.Thank you.Cheers.Ibbo

Enjoy the memories but don't live by them. It gets easier and you learn who you are all over again. Nice to meet the New Grizzly. Cheers Chris

Cruising Granny wrote:

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.........and you learn who you are all over again.

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That's dementia Chris. Dementia.  

 

Spot on with a lot of things Granny and brought some memories back. Had to bring 4 kids up on my own and know what a struggle it can be, plus I was working too. Took me 20 odd years as a solo while they were growing up and off my hands, but did eventually meet someone else so it is always possible. Vic

I had my own freelance journo & PR business running it from home for 12 years. I still haven't had an offer I couldn't refuse since 1982, but I bet you blokes could give me a million reasons why. However, I keep finding out why the blokes are single. Cheers Chris

in our little "family circle" we have a single mum (Julie) and a single Dad (brian), Julie had a bad breakup and Brian lost his wife to ovarian cancer a while ago, left two kids 6 and 8, whom I love as my own and the feeling is reciprocated, I admire the strength and tenacity that it takes to just find a reason to get out of bed each morning knowing what lies ahead, not sure that I could I take the burden as much as I can looking after the kiddies wherever possible so as to give them the "social" time that is required, as you say go out too often then you're a "slag" stay home and you're "cold", they are as much a part of our "family" as any other and gain the much needed support from that I am now an advisor to many counsilors (used to be a counselor myself until promotion got stuck in my way) I tell them the same as I will tell all of you I admire and have nothing but the greatest of respect for you people who's everyday existance is a struggle, if you cop flack from your freinds about how often you seek companionship then get new freinds, the ones you have now dont care or want to care about YOU!!!, your life make it a happy one, your trail make it an interesting one when the lord calls for you she wont bring your freinds with you, they stay behind, you must face your maker alone and with a clear conscience to stand on your own two feet and shout into the wind and make your own way through life with hurdles placed at every turn is to be greatly praised and it also is something that I know a "LITTLE" about but I dont know your exact day, cant imagine, overcoming the struggle is nothing short of miraculous and should be praised by society and not shunned as it is now we have surrounded ourselves with people who care about each other, support for our "singles" is such that at times it is overwhelming, these are the people who are "worthwhile" having as freinds, the other type are a dime a dozen found in any pub on a saturday night, our singles (for the lack of a better word) as you would be more than aware of, sometimes just need a hug to start or end their day, someone who is just there for them, I've learnt to shut up and listen more than talk, ( yeah surprising isnt it, different than in here) quite often a hug is better than a thousand words, a smile can often bring greater reward than any money could buy or false frends could apreciate Julie came home last night after work, looked at me and raced over gave me the biggest hug possible and said "thanks Dad", dont know why, didnt ask, dont care either, I like hugs, I'll take them whenever they are on offer sometimes silence is golden and much more needed than speech we all have troubles and trials it is how we deal with them that counts I will fight to the death to defend a person (male or female) who is willing to stand and declare that they will not be broken, I will not however offer one word of solice to anyone who has "given up" and refuses to continue the fight, I cannot stand whingy whiny, feel sorry for me type people, god gives us all challenges it's up to us to stand and face them no reflection on the above great poem, just a few rambling thoughts

When my partner started bashing me the Police didn't want to know because it was "a personal matter". By the time I had the courage to leave it was an offence to belt the missus. I say courage because after a fairly short time any internal strength, and even personality are fairly thin. He only flogged me when he was drunk and his insecurities and jealousy came to the surface, all over me. He worked away from home either truck driving or fishing commercially. I didn't have time to tart around. So with 2 kids a cat and a budgie with a suitcase full of essentials and clothes we were out of there. Even after 27 years I'm nervous about aggro blokes after 4 beers. I now have PTSD as a result of a confusing childhood, topped off by my ex. Nothing is ever as it seems to the outside world. I'd do anything to get anyone out of a violent or unhappy home. It's a very dangerous but touchy business. "He hits me, but he says he loves me". Mmmmmmm ......... It's called CONTROL. Hey, I'm ok, you're all ok. I can put both feet on the floor in the morning, take the first big breath - it's going to be a good day. I'm much better off than many others, and I'm very thankful for that. Chris

I have been a counselor for close to twenty years, in that time I have heard this speech a million times "he doesn't mean to hurt me, he loves me and is always very sorry afterwords, I cant leave him, he needs me" I always forward the same advice, get out now, go to the safe house, neighbors or cop shop, do not settle for "it's a private matter" thats a load of crock from an overworked officer, the law states that you are allowed to feel safe in your own environment, if not then protection will be offered to you it is their duty to enforce this protection I had this exact scenario play out again in front of me over the trauma line last night as a matter of fact, first call was a cry for help from a young woman who had just been hit (yet again) by her boyfriend (advice to leave premises was forwarded, address noted, time and length of call as well as urgency requirements and advice procedure documented) all advice to leave was duly ignored by caller, second call was to say she had been hit again more forcibly this time, speech slurred, incoherent at times, advised to stay on phone and police emergency line rang, (more documentation duly subscribed) call was interrupted, ceased then continued by officer on scene, victim was a woman in her early twenties died from multiple blunt force trauma (bashed to death, weapon unknown, probably fist's) assailant known to the victim, assailant possibly high on ice or crystal meth I see and hear this all the time, don't let it happen to you or your loved ones, any sign of abuse then get out or get them out to safety do not ever return, the abuser will never stop don't stop to think, just do it, I don't want your call at 2 am as in this case, some I save, a lot I lose, it's real and it will happen to you if you are in a violent situation, just get out

Amen, Dave. There *is* no alternative.

Man's inhumanity to his fellow man, it makes me sick to my stomach.

JRH wrote:

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Man's inhumanity to his fellow man, it makes me sick to my stomach.

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It was womens' inhumanity to this man that got to me.

We hear a lot about the males beating up on the females but there are more cases in the reverse than we realise.

Rolly wrote:

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JRH wrote:

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Man's inhumanity to his fellow man, it makes me sick to my stomach.

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It was womens' inhumanity to this man that got to me.

 

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Probably should have said Man's inhumanity to his own species. 

In all honesty it is only semantics and I am of the old school where political correctness was unheard of.

Ma you are quite correct.  Most often these matters are not reported because of embarrasment and haveing to relive the episodes, we find the same with rape cases where the victim is put through the wringer in the name of justice, the perpetrator has more rights than the victim.

Violence of any kind is abhorrent to me.

 

yep goes both ways, but the figures show "roughly" 10 to 1 female abuse and thats why it gets far more advertising and more funding, doesnt make either one any less tolerable

we are subsidised for both sexes as well as infants and teens, I am now on the payroll and am privy to a lot more info on the whole shebang and the stats are not pretty

I also abhore violence but as a recent event in my life showed even I will raise a hand in anger and be willing to weild it in a horrific manner when a loved one is threatened

I guess we all have that violent trait in us, most have a "safety switch" to think first before action


granny once again I have hijacked a post, I apoligise. it is a very good poem and worthy of standing in it's own right. it just hit an accord with me thats all

-- Edited by dave06 on Sunday 16th of August 2009 03:22:07 PM

You are quite correct Dave, everyone has a violent trait, it is part of our self defense mechanism, the trouble is many use it as a form of attack. 

When a loved one is hurt or threatened then the safety switch seems to malfunction very easily.  Sometimes the only way to get through to some people is to give them a dose of their own medicine and irrespective of one's feelings toward violence there are times when it is the only option left.  The important thing is to like the person who looks back at you in the mirror.

Chris,

I loved the poem and it would seem once again the conversation has taken a different path, I add my apologies to those extended by Dave.

No worries guys. If it stimulates discussion it's a good thing. Just another example of life from another angle. Last night there was a violent episode between a man and a women just next to the caravan park. I called the Police who duly attended, and I think also called the ambo's. It's everywhere, but thankfully the law now helps. In 70's when I first asked for help they would not attend, but too many deaths were being reported from DV so the law was awakened and it's now a high priority for Police to attend DV reports.The reason it happens is usually the same. What kicks a person into such rages can now be attributed to the failure of the mental health system, alcohol or drug abuse. There is just no room for complacency and apathy. It's easy for an outsider to say "get out", but circumstances vary from case to case. Dependency of either partner, lack of self-confidence in either partner, lack of support, be it family or outside help. Nothing is as it seems, and it takes a lot of understanding to deal with these circumstances. It's not as black or white as one might believe. Ask, don't tell. Cheers Chris

A case of DV that I am very familiar with has been going on for a number of years.  The perpetrator has even spent time in goal because of it but the female keeps taking him back because:  1. The kids miss their Dad 2. I love him 3. He's sorry 4. It was my fault 5. I'm scared S**tless of what he will do when he gets out if I don't let him come back. and any other excuse that you can come up with.

She has seen first hand what his violent rages can result in when he attacked another male.  Not a pretty picture did he leave behind with the other bloke in hospital for a number of months.

While this abuse is not ALWAYS physicall the psychological damage that he has done has brought this woman so low and with absolutely no self esteeem or self worth that she now thinks that she can't survive without him.

I am no "outsider" to these attacks and I have infinite knowledge of the backup sytems in place the cruelty that is inflicted is mental and physical, there is always somewhere to go JUST GET OUT before it's too late

Believe me Dave if I could wrap her up and take her away that's exactly what I would do.   All the help - both outside and within the family - hasn't made a scrap of difference.   And besides that she's WAY bigger than me in all ways........LOL

Sorry shouldn't laugh, but hey if you don't laugh you cry and if I start I just might not stop

Quite right, but some people are determined to be victims and no matter how hard you try it makes absolutely no difference at all.

Many years ago lost it and I bloodied a blokes nose for hitting his wife, she turned around and physically attacked me for hitting her husband, her words were "He's my husband and if he wants to hit me that's got nothing to do with you"  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

She figures nobody else would be interested in her and she doesn't want to be on her own because she couldn't cope so it's better the devil you know etc.......

You are absolutely right Ma. Outsiders and family can see it, but the person most affected don't want to because of their self esteem. It's control of the worst kind. It's a tragedy especially for the children who ultimately suffer more, watching mum and dad being so unhappy and angry. It's up to the victim to stop the victim cycle, but only they can do it. It's all very scary. Unless you've been involved, eg the punching bag and recipient of that level of abuse and savagery, you can only imagine what the victims are going through. It's a long process of control by the perpetrator. Once again, the mental health system fails. Cheers Happy, Cruising Granny.

I have sat at the end of the phone and listened to exactly what the victims are going through, many times I wish I could jump through the phone but of course I cant, all I can do is to listen and arrange for the police to attend and hope they are quick enough, sometimes they are and sometimes they arent, but it always escalates

Hi Chris.I am stealing a bit of your post.After reading all the answers from fellow G/Ns or rather I should say comments,it never ceases to amaze me about the depth of the feelings that we release to each other.To me the answers to your poem have been inspiring,some very sad,some showing great insight into other humans problems.A big thank you and well done Forum members.Cheers.Ibbo

ibbo wrote:

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........it never ceases to amaze me about the depth of the feelings that we release to each other...........

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You'd be utterly 'gobsmacked' by a lot of the stuff that we don't allow to come to the surface    

 

and it's that stuff that festers and does no-one any good rolly, only when we bring it out in the open and talk to understanding freinds about it can we start down the path to healing, freinds are more than drinking aquaintances, we do a lot more than gossip behind each others backs

Rolly you are so right.I suffered badly from depressionuntil a few years ago,it was only after a Dr put me on the right track and taught me to delete all the bad things that had happened in my life up to that time.Good as gold now.I always find the time to listen to others who need a person to talk to.Yep Rolly spot on mate.Cheers.Ibbo