BUSH VANITY ©

By Christine Thiel

The bush is no place for vanity.

If you stress, it could cost your sanity.

The heat, sweat, dust and flies

Will smudge mascara into eyes.

Nature and wildlife dont care about lippy,

And without it you wont go dippy.

The grime clings to foundation,

But thats life out on a Kimberley cattle station.

Theres an extreme from coastal city lifestyle

To the inland rural domicile.

The anonymous hustle, bustle of suburban dwellers,

Generates smiles on faces of country girls and fellas.

The sophisticated fashionable dress sense

Would be a hazard on a barbed wire fence.

Stilletto heels, and torturous shoes,

Not as sensible as RMs, Rossis or denim blues.

Beautifully groomed or blow-dried hairstyle

With highlights and tinting, bring satisfied smiles.

But a wide-brimmed Akubra hat

Covers, and soon puts an end to all that.

Neatly manicured nails and pedicured feet

Ensure the overall appearance remains neat.

Inside Explorer sox and hardy footwear.

Those witnessing this scene remain unaware

Of the effort it took to look so groomed,

To grab attention when entering a room.

Out in the bush appearance begins

With how hard you work, and the attitude within.

My apologies ... I don't know the authour of ths one .....G


An Aussie poem

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock,
The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank,
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence".

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt,
She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free,
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down,
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim,
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks,
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that ****y swam,
He caught up with her somewhere near the middle of the dam.

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip,
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath,
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side,
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed,

He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day,
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away.
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea,
But nor was he prepared for what he was about to see.

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view,
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch,
The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car,
The ****y's reputation has been damaged near and far.
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks,
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!