I like a lot of others out there I have had my time with depression, luckily I 've been able to overcome it. A few months ago before hitting the road full time I was able to offer my support to a fellow men's Shed mate when he confided in me. A gent in his late 70's... that his wife had left him. He was devastated !
He went into deep depression so I was around keeping him talking and having a cuppa most every day.........but one day he tried to overdose and it was so lucky that I went around when I did and found him, cause the paramedics said it would have been all over if I hadn't. It took a while for him to recover.
I am just so thankful that he is ok now and we are such very good mates. he is glad too.
It is not hard to say, "are you ok?" AND it is easy to listen to them if they are not.......Sarg.
beiffe said
11:00 PM Aug 27, 2014
To all the people who have problems with mental problems I feel for you.
I believe that the people on the road have the ability to sense someone in need of a chat.
I know what it is like to curse actually waking up in the morning to go to work and all the pressure of being expected to work excessive hours (for me 20hours a day for 6 weeks of 7 days) to hold a job etc. Many a morning I wished I had not woken up.
I cant begin to understand what it must be like to be pushed over the edge as I believe I have been lucky to now be retired and loving every minute of my new life.
I am now living with a lady who has had a duel transplant and has had diabetes since the age of two ( that's what necessitated the transplants) and she now suffers from Bipolar as well as depression and I know the gremlins she is dealing with and the times that all I can do is comfort her and try to understand her fears and turmoil.
We are coming to grips with some of it but I know it will take time and I hope I have enough left to help her through these times.
For all us that have been lucky to get through it would be nice to always ensure that others around you are save and check that all is OK.
As Larry stated above a good chat is the best medicine you can give. Lend a listening ear and only offer advise when it is asked for. If you can pick up the vibes of someone needing and good ear then pull up a chair and listen and offer friendship. Just be careful that it does not pull you down.
The day the world can get rid of the predators and the violent idiots we will have a better world but while we have the do gooders this will not happen so it is important that the rest extend the hand of friendship where ever we can.
Not sure how to teach people to recognise people in need as I think it is something you are either born with or learn through experience.
Regards
Brian
Phil C said
09:45 AM Aug 28, 2014
The Hats wrote:
mate found the can.
I have been llayed up in hospital for the last 6 weeks and will be 3-4 months before I am even close to normal.
I managed to pick up a Meningococcal strain in my spine a server infection that came to within 48 hrs of rendering paralyzed from the waist down.
I an still on antibiotics at home through a Picc line infusing 24 hrs a day Maybe for 3-4 more weeks. Before this hit me I was an above average fit 58 year old planing out big lap, We were going to run the business from the road.
Running a business which was going well now in jeopardy, the stress over the last 6 weeks has been enormous I thought I was as tough as nails When I hobbled back into my own living room yesterday on my crutches. I just broke down and wailed like a baby.
The realism of what almost happened hit me like a missile, and the fact that I am the business and I can not work in it for some. My saving grace is a couple of great mates that I can openly talk to and get my worries and concerns out in the open, and the fact that I can let it out, and if I need to sob my way through a hours deep and meaningful I can, I think this is the most important part in my view is being able to spill your guts to some one who will listen and who REALLY cares.
Anyway Que Que Sara Sara what will be will be.
I am trying to proceed using this motto Illegitimi non carborundum
Cheers
The Hats
Hats most of my life I tried to life by " don't let the bastards grind you down" its only recently i allowed myself to actually live that way. i choose to ignore caustic people. pisses them off something wicked.
Vic41 said
11:08 AM Aug 28, 2014
One tactic that works for me when I strike rock bottom in that black pit is this;
Sit down with a pen and paper and just write how you are feeling and whatever else is on your mind and just keep writing.
Don't worry about spelling or grammar or whether what you are writing makes sense or is in any order, just get those feelings out on paper.
When you have had enough, put it away somewhere to read somewhere further down the track or destroy it if you wish.
I don't know why, but for me anyway it seems to works, I don't know why. That seems to be a turning point for me.
What tactics do others use
PurgaEd said
02:04 PM Aug 28, 2014
Hi
I'm also an ex RAAFie - I did 20 years as an Airframe Fitter - got out in 89, worked for bit in IT (Information Technology), opened and ran a hydraulic engineering company for 14 years and I've been selling real estate for the last 8 years. I am a diagnosed manic depressant and I suffer from anger management issues; not a good combination let me tell. Luckily, whilst in the RAAF, I came under the care and guidance of a civilian psychologist (who went on to become Director of Psychology Services in Canberra) and he brought me back from the brink; my subordinates had christened me "The Suicide Sarge". TO the point. No matter how deep a hole you're in, or how far out on your own you feel, reach out to someone. As it's been said, there's no stigma or shame these days to say that you suffer from depression and by talking to someone - even a faceless person at Life Line - is an enormous step in climbing back out of the hole. Get help from your GP - get a referral to a psychologist and spill your heart out. Just don't bottle it up and let it fester because believe me I know from too many times, when it explodes, it hurts.
Safe travels to all.
Glenelg said
08:24 AM Aug 29, 2014
bugger me i had no idea there was so many of you out there. i must be very lucky not to suffer from depression. i do feel for you all, it must be horrible.
Golddetectornomad said
09:26 AM Aug 29, 2014
I find a leveller for me when I get down, is, and you may think it morbid but it helps me rationalise problems I have or perceive to have, personal, work, and health related... I've had for a considerable time, a small pad I carry, that has a list of all my family, close mates and well known <by me> acquaintances I've been close to, or known well who have all passed on for various reasons, including car accidents, some were in their late teens/early twenties....others in their 30's/40s/50's..all before their 'time'....I also have how old they were when they passed...the names are written in code that I can understand but no one else would if they found my small pad....when I am down, and I understand/realize/appreciate depression is entirely another level again,...I look at the list and ask myself 'wouldn't each of my late mates on this list trade places with me right now..given half a chance?...makes my problems whatever they are, inconsequential in the whole relative scheme of things.....if they would each willingly swap places with me how important can my problems really be?...and not life threatening......and will I even remember the problem in 12 months time....they invariably left wives, kids, loved ones before their 'time'......
This 'self help' puts things into perspective for me...and helps me 'move on'....and until now I've never told a sole that I do it...and have no idea if others have something similar coping mechanism....maybe morbid but it has definitely helped me......the older I get,the longer that list is, and tragically growing...Hoo Roo
Phil C said
09:41 AM Aug 29, 2014
Are we all OK today?
Its not often that depression is talked about so openly, its refreshing and motivating to see so many beautiful people posting to this blog.
One of the reasons we took on the GN lifestyle is that we are both sick to death of the rat race lifestyle. Society will learn one day that all this dog eat dog attitude will kill them.
Thank you folks for posting your stories, it has made my life a bit easier knowing im not on a deserted island in the middle of a sh#t storm.
Safe travels
The Hats said
10:16 AM Aug 29, 2014
Phil C wrote:
Are we all OK today?
Its not often that depression is talked about so openly, its refreshing and motivating to see so many beautiful people posting to this blog.
One of the reasons we took on the GN lifestyle is that we are both sick to death of the rat race lifestyle. Society will learn one day that all this dog eat dog attitude will kill them.
Thank you folks for posting your stories, it has made my life a bit easier knowing im not on a deserted island in the middle of a sh#t storm.
Safe travels
G/day Phil,
Mate I want to thank you for starting this thread, I feel it has helped me a great deal, just the act of putting my fears out there, seems to have the feel of a great weight being lifted from my shoulders.
Even thought our business is in great jeopardy, I think we can get through, we are surrounded by wonderful friends, both in the cyber world and the friends we have known for 30 or more years, I would like to thank everyone for there most wonderful thoughts and prays and the MSG I have received these have been most comforting,during these stressful times. And as you said mate the very smelly tempest you mentioned can take a wide berth.
Cheers
The Hats
Ron
Phil C said
06:24 PM Aug 30, 2014
Gday Ron
We had a business go bust in the late 80s thanks to 17% interest and a few dozey politicians.
Went down the crapper for $750,000 which was a lot of bread in those days.
I had to let go, yes this was my baby and I bought it into the world and we lost a bucket load. My attitude is, they cant cut bits off you, steal your family or pull out your eyes. Sounds a bit on the nose but worked for me. I hope you keep the business going mate, it has its own rewards as you well know.
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement, take special care of number one..
Cheers
ST391GQ said
07:28 PM Aug 30, 2014
A week ago next Tuesday I was due for a telephone hook up with my specialist regarding my fairly severe shoulder injuries due to an incident in the freezer trailer last June just gone.
But I didn't know then that what he would tell me would really rock my world foundations. In a nutshell...my injury is inoperable...and I would not ever work again doing what I love most ... being in the truck out there on the road.
I lost it after I got off the Phone....but I guess I,m just a bit lucky in that I have a supportive and loving other half.....and she spent literally all night with me talking through things that we might do....one of which is to get on the road in our nearly new van.
Just taking one day at a time now....physio and stuff to try n strengthen wots left of my shoulders. A bright spot happened yesterday when the insurance compo mob rang and said that they are accepting the claim....so that's a relief.
Looks like I,m in for a heap of assessments and retraining ....to do what I dunno.
Still one day at a time and lotsa support ...I guess I will get there......
Cheers Keith
Phil C said
05:08 PM Aug 31, 2014
Once again you guys rock my world. Thank you so much for sharing and CARING about each other.
This world is full of beautiful people, you just have to look outside the big cities to find most of them.
I hope you are having an OK day
Cheers
roadtourer said
09:09 AM Sep 1, 2014
Phil firstly what a brave post! Many who struggle and battle this black dog demon remain silent and most people never even know they are suffering, yes a simple are you ok is great but sometimes for the ones who shut down just say yes I'm fine thanks, I think it's a personal battle most suffer in silence and I admire anyone who can stand up and speak about it. I have worked in high intense environments and top secret areas and burnt out to the point I was going to top my self a number of times, yes I too battle this black dog daily! But like you and probably many others have stopped my medication and fight this on my own with daily steps and goals. Reaching out is the biggest shoulder a person can receive and knowing that the person is there for them does make a difference. I also. Believe that speaking out is such a strong and important part of dealing with this demon ( as I call it). Thank you all for sharing your bits, I too am a sufferer but have found comfort in the people who have been my rock in life and also my dog and camera. For me isolation worked for a long time but it didn't help my weight and other areas, eventually that all changed because I made that change and I have never looked back, I won't say I don't struggle with it still because I do but I feel abetter person for doing it. Thank you for sharing very touching post and deep too xo
btw are you ok today?
-- Edited by roadtourer on Monday 1st of September 2014 09:10:45 AM
Phil C said
02:12 PM Sep 1, 2014
Are we all OK today?
Im on top of the world..
Hugggzzzzzz
aussie_paul said
02:39 PM Sep 1, 2014
Phil C wrote:
Are we all OK today?
Im on top of the world..
Hugggzzzzzz
Thanks Phil, not too bad today. It has been a roller coaster ride since my accident almost 7 years ago and I am finally on top. Rehab, fighting with Work cover, downsizing by buying more suitable property, selling the 29 year old one on 2 acres where we raised the 4 kids. THEN shifting the useful sh*t (technical word) of two hoarders!!! Lucky Eril was a hoarder otherwise I would have been thrown out years ago!!! The last emotional job was to get what I was owed from my ex business partners who threw me out of our company while I was still in hospital in a wheel chair. I took them to VCAT and got 10% of what I was owed BUT I ticked the box and it is now all behind us, and it felt like a tonne had been lifted off my shoulders.
I keep a tight rein on my feelings and anxiety, Im off the medication and use this lifestyle as an anti depressant.
I understand exactly how you feel. One day I'll go on the Big Lap for much the same reason. In fact I can't think of one time in my life when I've been really happy. However, unlike most others, I attribute my depression largely to my negative experiences with people rather than as a result of medical, financial, or marital problems. I guess I can best sum it up with a quotation from a Mad magazine many decades ago -- "Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality."
In fact if I look for reasons, I can come up with a very long checklist. As a child I had to put up with bigots and racists at school. The women in my life turned out to be sluts and gold diggers. I've been cheated and betrayed by friends. I've helped countless people, some with substantial sums of money, but only one came to my assistance when I was in real trouble. My cars have been vandalised five times, and my house and flat were burgled four times. I have to put up with barking dogs, fireworks, and all sorts of noise on a daily basis.
In my business career I lived in several countries and saw some of the worst aspects of human nature. Bribery, corruption, vote buying, stock market manipulation. I met a senior public servant who was set up in business by the CIA. I met an Australian businessman whose factory was torched twice by his competition.
In recent years I've been tormented by a ****bag neighbour and his mates. He went on to drive his wife to suicide. The local police and council are corrupt and worthless and did nothing to help. Some years later his wife's brother, who was one of those who had been tormenting me, came asking me for help. He confessed to me that his brother had gone to the ****bag's house to kill him, and that he himself had weighed up the pros and cons of doing so. This lowlife was hoping that I would do the job for him, or arrange for it to be done.
I describe my present state of mind as a kind of psychological paralysis. It leaves me unable to do much of anything. In fact the only things that motivate me, apart from love of family, are anger and vengeance. At the moment I'm caring for two people, or trying to. If I survive them, then I'll go on the Big Lap, both here and abroad. In the meantime I'm just trying to keep it all together.
For the past few months someone has been annoying me anonymously by telephone. I've resisted the temptation to change my number, and I've kept the trap baited. Finally I found out who it was, but not with any real help from Telstra or from Australian authorities. Instead a well connected old friend, in a foreign country, used his resources to track this guy down. Years ago I had helped save my friend's sister from thugs, and had nearly been killed in the process. The thugs were "dealt with" a few days later. It is said that a real friend is someone who would help you bury the body, and there were times when I felt very happy to have such a friend. In fact I've nearly been killed twice while helping others and lived in fear for several years afterwards. I changed jobs and addresses four or five times in less than 2 years, both in Australia and overseas. My first near-death experience was a consequence of being caught up in a scam (in Asia) after I came to someone's assistance. It was only after I met my "real friend" some years later (also in Asia) that the problem with these criminals was "solved". I didn't ask what he did, but I slept just a little bit easier afterwards. In fact, in later years he also wanted to solve the problem with my neighbour and his mates, but it was all I could do to say no. I'm not sure I would care about the consequences today, and even less after my dependants have passed away. That's something I'm really dreading, and I know I won't handle it very well.
It was when I turned 35 that all my misery caught up with me and I had an early mid-life crisis. It's been a downward slide ever since, with very few ups, and lots of downs. I stopped watching TV for two years because it became too depressing. If it weren't for the anger and retribution, I reckon that I would long ago have been overwhelmed by bitterness, cynicism, and despair. I still make new enemies (friends come and go, but enemies accumulate), but I just tell myself that revenge is sweet. Sure, it's not the right way to be, but at least I'm still here. Hopefully I'll live long enough to work through my "to-do" list, but after I'm done, the world can go to hell, and maybe me, too.
And that, Dr Phil, is my life in a nutshell.
johnq said
09:12 PM Sep 2, 2014
Up until someone who suffered depression from an early age came into my life I would have sworn I had a good handle on what depression was. I certainly believed the popular descriptions and advice, mostly uninformed and misleading, in the popular press. I might even have imagined that I too had had the occasional minor experience of it. I was to find that I knew bugger all about this dreadful disorder, or that in some cases, for probably 15-20% afflicted it is a lifelong struggle.
To the sufferers, an emphatic yes, it is awful and draining as few might understand. Not your fault, *bleep* just happens.
That only goes to prove the inner personal strength and resoluteness of those here with depression who have kept on truckin' notwithstanding. Good for you! No-one could ask more of you or do better.
Some of the real joys of this forum are the acceptance and support that are unstintingly given, even where we sometimes might put our foot in it or demonstrate vulnerability. Those with the black dog for company have friends here and at most hours.
Phil C said
03:44 PM Sep 3, 2014
Are we all well today?
Im fantastic..
Hugggzzzzzzz
kesa32 said
11:09 PM Sep 3, 2014
Yeah going good today :)
ST391GQ said
09:59 AM Sep 4, 2014
Nope.....just kickin around the house....got heaps to do....just don't wanna do it.
Just realised haven't had a shave for 4 days.........
Cheers Keith
dorian said
10:07 AM Sep 4, 2014
I coughed up something nasty yesterday afternoon, so the jury's out. Maybe I'll be working through my bucket list sooner than I thought.
Phil C said
10:26 AM Sep 5, 2014
Dorian, I do feel for you. I have no magic wand or special words that can heal the pain in your life, however I live this way:
Day by day, hour by hour second by second. The past is gone, the future is exciting and the present is a gift.
He went into deep depression so I was around keeping him talking and having a cuppa most every day.........but one day he tried to overdose and it was so lucky that I went around when I did and found him, cause the paramedics said it would have been all over if I hadn't. It took a while for him to recover.
I am just so thankful that he is ok now and we are such very good mates. he is glad too.
It is not hard to say, "are you ok?" AND it is easy to listen to them if they are not.......Sarg.
I believe that the people on the road have the ability to sense someone in need of a chat.
I know what it is like to curse actually waking up in the morning to go to work and all the pressure of being expected to work excessive hours (for me 20hours a day for 6 weeks of 7 days) to hold a job etc. Many a morning I wished I had not woken up.
I cant begin to understand what it must be like to be pushed over the edge as I believe I have been lucky to now be retired and loving every minute of my new life.
I am now living with a lady who has had a duel transplant and has had diabetes since the age of two ( that's what necessitated the transplants) and she now suffers from Bipolar as well as depression and I know the gremlins she is dealing with and the times that all I can do is comfort her and try to understand her fears and turmoil.
We are coming to grips with some of it but I know it will take time and I hope I have enough left to help her through these times.
For all us that have been lucky to get through it would be nice to always ensure that others around you are save and check that all is OK.
As Larry stated above a good chat is the best medicine you can give. Lend a listening ear and only offer advise when it is asked for. If you can pick up the vibes of someone needing and good ear then pull up a chair and listen and offer friendship. Just be careful that it does not pull you down.
The day the world can get rid of the predators and the violent idiots we will have a better world but while we have the do gooders this will not happen so it is important that the rest extend the hand of friendship where ever we can.
Not sure how to teach people to recognise people in need as I think it is something you are either born with or learn through experience.
Regards
Brian
Hats most of my life I tried to life by " don't let the bastards grind you down" its only recently i allowed myself to actually live that way. i choose to ignore caustic people. pisses them off something wicked.
One tactic that works for me when I strike rock bottom in that black pit is this;
Sit down with a pen and paper and just write how you are feeling and whatever else is on your mind and just keep writing.
Don't worry about spelling or grammar or whether what you are writing makes sense or is in any order, just get those feelings out on paper.
When you have had enough, put it away somewhere to read somewhere further down the track or destroy it if you wish.
I don't know why, but for me anyway it seems to works, I don't know why. That seems to be a turning point for me.
What tactics do others use
Hi
I'm also an ex RAAFie - I did 20 years as an Airframe Fitter - got out in 89, worked for bit in IT (Information Technology), opened and ran a hydraulic engineering company for 14 years and I've been selling real estate for the last 8 years. I am a diagnosed manic depressant and I suffer from anger management issues; not a good combination let me tell. Luckily, whilst in the RAAF, I came under the care and guidance of a civilian psychologist (who went on to become Director of Psychology Services in Canberra) and he brought me back from the brink; my subordinates had christened me "The Suicide Sarge". TO the point. No matter how deep a hole you're in, or how far out on your own you feel, reach out to someone. As it's been said, there's no stigma or shame these days to say that you suffer from depression and by talking to someone - even a faceless person at Life Line - is an enormous step in climbing back out of the hole. Get help from your GP - get a referral to a psychologist and spill your heart out. Just don't bottle it up and let it fester because believe me I know from too many times, when it explodes, it hurts.
Safe travels to all.
This 'self help' puts things into perspective for me...and helps me 'move on'....and until now I've never told a sole that I do it...and have no idea if others have something similar coping mechanism....maybe morbid but it has definitely helped me......the older I get,the longer that list is, and tragically growing...Hoo Roo
Its not often that depression is talked about so openly, its refreshing and motivating to see so many beautiful people posting to this blog.
One of the reasons we took on the GN lifestyle is that we are both sick to death of the rat race lifestyle. Society will learn one day that all this dog eat dog attitude will kill them.
Thank you folks for posting your stories, it has made my life a bit easier knowing im not on a deserted island in the middle of a sh#t storm.
Safe travels
G/day Phil,
Mate I want to thank you for starting this thread, I feel it has helped me a great deal, just the act of putting my fears out there, seems to have the feel of a great weight being lifted from my shoulders.
Even thought our business is in great jeopardy, I think we can get through, we are surrounded by wonderful friends, both in the cyber world
and the friends we have known for 30 or more years, I would like to thank everyone for there most wonderful thoughts and prays and the MSG I have received these have been most comforting,during these stressful times. And as you said mate the very smelly tempest you mentioned can take a wide berth. 
Cheers
The Hats
Ron
We had a business go bust in the late 80s thanks to 17% interest and a few dozey politicians.
Went down the crapper for $750,000 which was a lot of bread in those days.
I had to let go, yes this was my baby and I bought it into the world and we lost a bucket load. My attitude is, they cant cut bits off you, steal your family or pull out your eyes. Sounds a bit on the nose but worked for me. I hope you keep the business going mate, it has its own rewards as you well know.
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement, take special care of number one..
Cheers
A week ago next Tuesday I was due for a telephone hook up with my specialist regarding my fairly severe shoulder injuries due to an incident in the freezer trailer last June just gone.
But I didn't know then that what he would tell me would really rock my world foundations. In a nutshell...my injury is inoperable...and I would not ever work again doing what I love most ... being in the truck out there on the road.
I lost it after I got off the Phone....but I guess I,m just a bit lucky in that I have a supportive and loving other half.....and she spent literally all night with me talking through things that we might do....one of which is to get on the road in our nearly new van.
Just taking one day at a time now....physio and stuff to try n strengthen wots left of my shoulders. A bright spot happened yesterday when the insurance compo mob rang and said that they are accepting the claim....so that's a relief.
Looks like I,m in for a heap of assessments and retraining ....to do what I dunno.
Still one day at a time and lotsa support ...I guess I will get there......
Cheers Keith
This world is full of beautiful people, you just have to look outside the big cities to find most of them.
I hope you are having an OK day
Cheers
Phil firstly what a brave post!
Many who struggle and battle this black dog demon remain silent and most people never even know they are suffering, yes a simple are you ok is great but sometimes for the ones who shut down just say yes I'm fine thanks, I think it's a personal battle most suffer in silence and I admire anyone who can stand up and speak about it.
I have worked in high intense environments and top secret areas and burnt out to the point I was going to top my self a number of times, yes I too battle this black dog daily! But like you and probably many others have stopped my medication and fight this on my own with daily steps and goals.
Reaching out is the biggest shoulder a person can receive and knowing that the person is there for them does make a difference. I also. Believe that speaking out is such a strong and important part of dealing with this demon ( as I call it).
Thank you all for sharing your bits, I too am a sufferer but have found comfort in the people who have been my rock in life and also my dog and camera. For me isolation worked for a long time but it didn't help my weight and other areas, eventually that all changed because I made that change and I have never looked back, I won't say I don't struggle with it still because I do but I feel abetter person for doing it.
Thank you for sharing very touching post and deep too xo
btw are you ok today?
-- Edited by roadtourer on Monday 1st of September 2014 09:10:45 AM
Im on top of the world..
Hugggzzzzzz
Thanks Phil, not too bad today. It has been a roller coaster ride since my accident almost 7 years ago and I am finally on top. Rehab, fighting with Work cover, downsizing by buying more suitable property, selling the 29 year old one on 2 acres where we raised the 4 kids. THEN shifting the useful sh*t (technical word) of two hoarders!!! Lucky Eril was a hoarder otherwise I would have been thrown out years ago!!! The last emotional job was to get what I was owed from my ex business partners who threw me out of our company while I was still in hospital in a wheel chair. I took them to VCAT and got 10% of what I was owed BUT I ticked the box and it is now all behind us, and it felt like a tonne had been lifted off my shoulders.
Now onwards and upwards with our GN lifestyle.
Aussie Paul.
I understand exactly how you feel. One day I'll go on the Big Lap for much the same reason. In fact I can't think of one time in my life when I've been really happy. However, unlike most others, I attribute my depression largely to my negative experiences with people rather than as a result of medical, financial, or marital problems. I guess I can best sum it up with a quotation from a Mad magazine many decades ago -- "Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality."
In fact if I look for reasons, I can come up with a very long checklist. As a child I had to put up with bigots and racists at school. The women in my life turned out to be sluts and gold diggers. I've been cheated and betrayed by friends. I've helped countless people, some with substantial sums of money, but only one came to my assistance when I was in real trouble. My cars have been vandalised five times, and my house and flat were burgled four times. I have to put up with barking dogs, fireworks, and all sorts of noise on a daily basis.
In my business career I lived in several countries and saw some of the worst aspects of human nature. Bribery, corruption, vote buying, stock market manipulation. I met a senior public servant who was set up in business by the CIA. I met an Australian businessman whose factory was torched twice by his competition.
In recent years I've been tormented by a ****bag neighbour and his mates. He went on to drive his wife to suicide. The local police and council are corrupt and worthless and did nothing to help. Some years later his wife's brother, who was one of those who had been tormenting me, came asking me for help. He confessed to me that his brother had gone to the ****bag's house to kill him, and that he himself had weighed up the pros and cons of doing so. This lowlife was hoping that I would do the job for him, or arrange for it to be done.
I describe my present state of mind as a kind of psychological paralysis. It leaves me unable to do much of anything. In fact the only things that motivate me, apart from love of family, are anger and vengeance. At the moment I'm caring for two people, or trying to. If I survive them, then I'll go on the Big Lap, both here and abroad. In the meantime I'm just trying to keep it all together.
For the past few months someone has been annoying me anonymously by telephone. I've resisted the temptation to change my number, and I've kept the trap baited. Finally I found out who it was, but not with any real help from Telstra or from Australian authorities. Instead a well connected old friend, in a foreign country, used his resources to track this guy down. Years ago I had helped save my friend's sister from thugs, and had nearly been killed in the process. The thugs were "dealt with" a few days later. It is said that a real friend is someone who would help you bury the body, and there were times when I felt very happy to have such a friend. In fact I've nearly been killed twice while helping others and lived in fear for several years afterwards. I changed jobs and addresses four or five times in less than 2 years, both in Australia and overseas. My first near-death experience was a consequence of being caught up in a scam (in Asia) after I came to someone's assistance. It was only after I met my "real friend" some years later (also in Asia) that the problem with these criminals was "solved". I didn't ask what he did, but I slept just a little bit easier afterwards. In fact, in later years he also wanted to solve the problem with my neighbour and his mates, but it was all I could do to say no. I'm not sure I would care about the consequences today, and even less after my dependants have passed away. That's something I'm really dreading, and I know I won't handle it very well.
It was when I turned 35 that all my misery caught up with me and I had an early mid-life crisis. It's been a downward slide ever since, with very few ups, and lots of downs. I stopped watching TV for two years because it became too depressing. If it weren't for the anger and retribution, I reckon that I would long ago have been overwhelmed by bitterness, cynicism, and despair. I still make new enemies (friends come and go, but enemies accumulate), but I just tell myself that revenge is sweet. Sure, it's not the right way to be, but at least I'm still here. Hopefully I'll live long enough to work through my "to-do" list, but after I'm done, the world can go to hell, and maybe me, too.
And that, Dr Phil, is my life in a nutshell.
To the sufferers, an emphatic yes, it is awful and draining as few might understand. Not your fault, *bleep* just happens.
That only goes to prove the inner personal strength and resoluteness of those here with depression who have kept on truckin' notwithstanding. Good for you! No-one could ask more of you or do better.
Some of the real joys of this forum are the acceptance and support that are unstintingly given, even where we sometimes might put our foot in it or demonstrate vulnerability. Those with the black dog for company have friends here and at most hours.
Im fantastic..
Hugggzzzzzzz
Nope.....just kickin around the house....got heaps to do....just don't wanna do it.
Just realised haven't had a shave for 4 days.........
Cheers Keith
Day by day, hour by hour second by second. The past is gone, the future is exciting and the present is a gift.
Take special care my friend, try to stay well.
I hope we are all OK today.
Phil