Only problem is CG, he has turned his phone off. When he text me today to say they had gone. I text back Are you alright. He text back I'm far from alright. Don't try to ring me I'm turning my phone off for a few days. Its a big worry.
Elle on Wheels said
05:20 AM Mar 25, 2012
Maybe it might be an option for your friends to stay with you until it's time for you to leave. It makes me really cross though that you have to think of these sorts pf precautionary options just because of one idiot's silliness. Good luck and remember you are in the right.
Happywanderer said
05:45 AM Mar 25, 2012
I will be ok Elle. If I thought I was in any danger I would go stay at my daughters.
Beth54 said
07:07 AM Mar 25, 2012
Happywanderer wrote:
Only problem is CG, he has turned his phone off. When he text me today to say they had gone. I text back Are you alright. He text back I'm far from alright. Don't try to ring me I'm turning my phone off for a few days. Its a big worry.
Does he have any friends nearby Marj? To give him some support until you get there?
Happywanderer said
05:05 PM Mar 25, 2012
No one Beth. He moved up there to be with his kids and their mother. He wouldn't listen to anyone down here.
Beth54 said
10:33 PM Mar 25, 2012
Happywanderer wrote:
No one Beth. He moved up there to be with his kids and their mother. He wouldn't listen to anyone down here.
Yep, understand. My daughter makes bad choices all the time.
Happywanderer said
10:52 PM Mar 25, 2012
Been in touch with lady who owns a shop in their town. She's been around and checked on him. Looking very miserable she said when she rang me back but she gave him a motivation talk which helped buck him up. I'm now able to leave here this Friday or even Thursday, see how things go. She said good idea to get up there as soon as possible. Gosh, how the world turns.
Beth54 said
11:11 PM Mar 25, 2012
Oh that's good Marj...on both counts.
Sad that you can't take your time and smell the roses along the way, but you'll have time for that later. More important to be there for him.
Cruising Granny said
11:28 PM Mar 25, 2012
I know your son has had a hard time, but for you to relocate for him, and then shut you off, doesn't sound very loving or supportive. You're moving your whole life, changed all your travel plans, and yet he keeps you in the dark by shutting his phone off so you can't call him once a day. As far as I'm concerned motherly love can only stretch so far. You're giving, and giving and giving. There's only so much mother to go around. What happens when the barrel is empty. Who's going to support you? Who's going to change their lives for you? Do you have a back up plan and a support network, other than GN of course? Drive careful and have a safe trip to Qld. Be careful and keep a little love in reserve.
Elle on Wheels said
11:33 PM Mar 25, 2012
You take care Marj and look after number one first. Your son might be going through a temporary shut down phase, you know him best but it's so important to make sure you are ok in yourself. We are all thinking of you.
Beth54 said
11:58 PM Mar 25, 2012
Cruising Granny wrote:
I know your son has had a hard time, but for you to relocate for him, and then shut you off, doesn't sound very loving or supportive. You're moving your whole life, changed all your travel plans, and yet he keeps you in the dark by shutting his phone off so you can't call him once a day.
For the first time, I respectfully disagree with you Chris. He's depressed. He's not thinking of anyone but himself at the moment. Added to the problem is his ill health. He needs someone to love him and encourage him to move on. Maybe even some professional help.
It should be only short term though Marj, as I'm sure you're aware.
Rip and Rosie said
12:53 AM Mar 26, 2012
It's natrual that he would be sad on the day she moves outs with his children..... totally normal.
Yes, he may be depressed, that's normal too.
The thing is, he is an adult man, and is responsible for himself, and he will work it out- with support.
You, Marj, are his mum, but you can't protect him from this.
You can support him and worry about him, but you are not his protector or saviour.
He is a big boy, and you are doing more for him than a lot of other parents would do.
He will manage until you get there, and you should at least go in your own good time, at your own pace.
......and now I'll mind my own business.
Jack Mac said
01:01 AM Mar 26, 2012
Hi HW,
I feel for you in your current situation. Relationship breakdowns can be a very stressful time for all concerned. As with many, been there done that. Sometimes I feel that things like shutting off contact are a cry for help, in that they almost want the other parties to think the worst case scenario (Jeez I hate that word but it seems to fit). It is not always being selfish but the way an upset mind can work. The mind is a complex thing and it can sometimes work (especially when confused) in strange and irrational ways. i.e. if I look like I'm going to do the worst perhaps word will get to my partner and she will reconsider.
I know there are many conflicting views on this and I am not trying to add further to your troubles or play amateur psychologist.
It is good to know that there is someone you can contact who can keep an eye out.
Having said that I only live about 60klm away from Biggenden (I believe that is where he is) and if you would like to PM me I would be happy to go and have a chat with him (and I don't mean to interfere) if you would like.
Cheers and chin up,
Jack
Beth54 said
01:04 AM Mar 26, 2012
Jack Mac wrote:
Hi HW,
I feel for you in your current situation. Relationship breakdowns can be a very stressful time for all concerned. As with many, been there done that. Sometimes I feel that things like shutting off contact are a cry for help, in that they almost want the other parties to think the worst case scenario (Jeez I hate that word but it seems to fit). It is not always being selfish but the way an upset mind can work. The mind is a complex thing and it can sometimes work (especially when confused) in strange and irrational ways. i.e. if I look like I'm going to do the worst perhaps word will get to my partner and she will reconsider.
I know there are many conflicting views on this and I am not trying to add further to your troubles or play amateur psychologist.
It is good to know that there is someone you can contact who can keep an eye out.
Having said that I only live about 60klm away from Biggenden (I believe that is where he is) and if you would like to PM me I would be happy to go and have a chat with him (and I don't mean to interfere) if you would like.
Cheers and chin up,
Jack
Well said Jack.
Happywanderer said
01:06 AM Mar 26, 2012
All good guys. I understand where you are all coming from. This one is so different to the other kids. Very emotional, has head injuries from the truck accident and already having professional help regularly with medication thrown in. He has a long road ahead of him just from the truck injuries then will be having his leg amputated some time this year. He's never in all his life been nasty or rude to me. I can relocate for him and still have my grey nomading life. Will see you all out there in sunny Qld over the winter and in summer will be back down here for trips to see the family here and meet up at Greens Lake.
Where am I going to get my support from?? Why you lot of course. You have given me so much in the past. Of course wasn't expecting this turn of events. Lots of wonderful people out there in Grey Nomads land, Shoulders to cry on, lots of talks, lots of laughs. It will be all good. Nothing like a change in direction to keep you on your toes.
Cruising Granny said
01:06 AM Mar 26, 2012
You got it Rip and Rosie. He's not a child. I wish someone would run to my aid when I'm depressed. In fact I wish I had some support ... full stop! I have friends but I would never inflict myself on anyone else when I'm in the doldrums. No one ever knows when I'm down there. I once made the mistake of having an anxiety attack or whatever at my daughter's house. I got told I was f'd in the head, and I should get my sh!t together! I was helping her out while she didn't have a drivers licence at the time. We haven't spoken since. She hasn't apologised, and I haven't felt the need to speak to her.
Elle on Wheels said
01:07 AM Mar 26, 2012
Hey Jack what a gorgeous looking dog. Back to topic Marj there are a lot of people here behind you all the way. You don't have to call on us but know we are there for you. I'm sure your son appreciates the support you are giving him and sometimes we all need a bit of shut down time. Hang in there.
Jack Mac said
01:56 AM Mar 26, 2012
CG
I'm sorry you feel that way and that you don't have the emotional support that we all at times need, no matter how old we are. Most of us are able to cope, but the burden can often be less when we know we have support, however tacit it may be.
My parents died (and they were my rock and kept me centred )many years ago but I have the great support of my adult children. When I haven't been feeling the best they have always rung me, sent small gifts, kept in regular contact and even sent me little inspirational books that one daughter publishes. Families are a two way street. I find that what you give comes back tenfold. Then again I am a very lucky man with my daughters
I agree he is not a child but, HW, but he is your child and no matter how old he is you will always feel and know that and be there to support him. Parenting doesn't stop when the children turn 21.
Jack Mac said
02:01 AM Mar 26, 2012
Hi Elle,
Thanks for that. I think she's lovely but then I'm biased. I'm pretty sure she thinks she's pretty special too. she's my little mate and been a salvation for me over the last 18 months.
Sheba said
02:45 AM Mar 26, 2012
Gotta agree with Beth here guys. There is more than just depression 'cause she left and took the kids involved here. Don't think some of you know what is really going on here.
Re-read Marjs' last post, and think how you'd feel in the same situation.
Good on you Jack Mac. I'm not close enough. I can't be away from here long enough to even go down for one day.
We're thinking of you both Marj.
Cheers,
Sheba.
PeterS said
03:08 AM Mar 26, 2012
You are a parent for all your of your life. Dosnt matter how old they are they are still your kids. As Jack Mack says you get back what you put into your kids. Since my wife died 2 yrs ago my kids have been there for me when ever I needed and they are supporting what I am doing now completly. If one of them needs meI will be back home to be there for them.
Jack Mac said
03:30 AM Mar 26, 2012
Thanks for all your positive feedback on my comments. I am often loathe to comment on some topics, but this is something I feel quite strongly about. Mental health is not about suck it up and be a man or woman as the case may be. A great proportion os us were brought up that way, which wasn't wrong, we were a product of our times. It is not a matter of how strong or independent you are, we all need support at times, it just that most of us don't know how to ask. Again a product of our times. Most of us are lucky to have loving and caring family and friends. For those that don't, this forum provides an outlet. You may not wish to air your concerns in public but I'm sure most of us have met someone on the forum (even though not necessarilly personally) in whom they can confide and know that it will be confidential and supportive.
One thing I have seen on this forum, although we all have differing opinions on a range of subjects the majority of people are compassionate, caring and supportive.
pauline said
05:48 AM Mar 26, 2012
Marj just do what you feel you have to, when it all boils down, you will know what is right........good luck and have a safe trip
Pauline
beiffe said
04:20 PM Mar 26, 2012
Do what you feel is right and trust your instincts. You really wont know what to expect but you will as soon as you see him.
There is also many types of love. There is the soft sweet love that comforts and consoles and then there is the tuff love. The one that you have to learn and is required in this life we live. This is the love where you not only support the ones you love but lead them to a live where they can not only survive but return the love that you have expended. By this I mean sometimes you have to trust your senses and deny something or push towards a recovery. This may be not doing something he wants as YOU consider it not in HIS interests or even YOURS. Bit like stopping a child walking across the road because there is a bus coming. He wants to cross because something he wants is on the other side but you know he will be hit by the bus.
Once you get there follow you instincts but don't push your self getting there as you need to be alive to help him and also you will need a lot of strength as well. Perhaps a nice relaxing day in a good rest stop for 24 hrs BEFORE you arrive would also help.
We are all here so feel free to ask for a chat whenever you require and bounce any ideas of here if you seek advise or help.
Regards Brian
jonathan said
04:30 PM Mar 26, 2012
.. and I agree with you Pauline .. !
While there is so much advice here, it simply boils down to her own personal circumstances .. which will always be different to yours and mine.
.. and I support her in her decision !
Jon
the rocket said
04:48 PM Mar 26, 2012
sorry. did it twice.
-- Edited by the rocket on Monday 26th of March 2012 04:49:16 PM
While there is so much advice here, it simply boils down to her own personal circumstances .. which will always be different to yours and mine.
.. and I support her in her decision !
Jon
Ditto!
Happywanderer said
07:04 PM Mar 26, 2012
All good guys, he's turned his phone back on and we have exchanged some txts.
He will be ok till I get there with the lady from the shop checking on him every day.
Agree with Jonathan and a few others here. Our circumstances are all different and till you know my son you don 't realise the difficulties he has to live with. The problem is he can't live alone but we will be living independantly of each other with me renting the downstairs off him. He will be living upstairs. They each are fully self contained with 3 bedrooms in each.
He wants to be able to make his own decisions and look after the kids when they stay with him, without me interfering but I'm the backup when he needs it. I will be there to help him with paperwork, appointments, things he doesn't understand with his brain injury. Also make sure he keeps on top of life.
Beth54 said
07:08 PM Mar 26, 2012
Happywanderer wrote:
All good guys, he's turned his phone back on and we have exchanged some txts.
He will be ok till I get there with the lady from the shop checking on him every day.
Agree with Jonathan and a few others here. Our circumstances are all different and till you know my son you don 't realise the difficulties he has to live with. The problem is he can't live alone but we will be living independantly of each other with me renting the downstairs off him. He will be living upstairs. They each are fully self contained with 3 bedrooms in each.
He wants to be able to make his own decisions and look after the kids when they stay with him, without me interfering but I'm the backup when he needs it. I will be there to help him with paperwork, appointments, things he doesn't understand with his brain injury. Also make sure he keeps on top of life.
Yes, only you know the issues and what needs to be done. Personally, I think we should stop telling you what to do and how to handle it.
When he text me today to say they had gone. I text back Are you alright. He text back I'm far from alright. Don't try to ring me I'm turning my phone off for a few days. Its a big worry.
Does he have any friends nearby Marj? To give him some support until you get there?
Yep, understand. My daughter makes bad choices all the time.
I'm now able to leave here this Friday or even Thursday, see how things go. She said good idea to get up there as soon as possible.
Gosh, how the world turns.
Oh that's good Marj...on both counts.
Sad that you can't take your time and smell the roses along the way, but you'll have time for that later. More important to be there for him.
You're moving your whole life, changed all your travel plans, and yet he keeps you in the dark by shutting his phone off so you can't call him once a day.
As far as I'm concerned motherly love can only stretch so far. You're giving, and giving and giving. There's only so much mother to go around. What happens when the barrel is empty.
Who's going to support you? Who's going to change their lives for you? Do you have a back up plan and a support network, other than GN of course?
Drive careful and have a safe trip to Qld. Be careful and keep a little love in reserve.
For the first time, I respectfully disagree with you Chris. He's depressed. He's not thinking of anyone but himself at the moment. Added to the problem is his ill health. He needs someone to love him and encourage him to move on. Maybe even some professional help.
It should be only short term though Marj, as I'm sure you're aware.
Yes, he may be depressed, that's normal too.
The thing is, he is an adult man, and is responsible for himself, and he will work it out- with support.
You, Marj, are his mum, but you can't protect him from this.
You can support him and worry about him, but you are not his protector or saviour.
He is a big boy, and you are doing more for him than a lot of other parents would do.
He will manage until you get there, and you should at least go in your own good time, at your own pace.
......and now I'll mind my own business.
Hi HW,
I feel for you in your current situation. Relationship breakdowns can be a very stressful time for all concerned. As with many, been there done that. Sometimes I feel that things like shutting off contact are a cry for help, in that they almost want the other parties to think the worst case scenario (Jeez I hate that word but it seems to fit). It is not always being selfish but the way an upset mind can work. The mind is a complex thing and it can sometimes work (especially when confused) in strange and irrational ways. i.e. if I look like I'm going to do the worst perhaps word will get to my partner and she will reconsider.
I know there are many conflicting views on this and I am not trying to add further to your troubles or play amateur psychologist.
It is good to know that there is someone you can contact who can keep an eye out.
Having said that I only live about 60klm away from Biggenden (I believe that is where he is) and if you would like to PM me I would be happy to go and have a chat with him (and I don't mean to interfere) if you would like.
Cheers and chin up,
Jack
Well said Jack.
He has a long road ahead of him just from the truck injuries then will be having his leg amputated some time this year.
He's never in all his life been nasty or rude to me.
I can relocate for him and still have my grey nomading life. Will see you all out there in sunny Qld over the winter and in summer will be back down here for trips to see the family here and meet up at Greens Lake.
Where am I going to get my support from?? Why you lot of course. You have given me so much in the past. Of course wasn't expecting this turn of events. Lots of wonderful people out there in Grey Nomads land, Shoulders to cry on, lots of talks, lots of laughs.
It will be all good. Nothing like a change in direction to keep you on your toes.
I wish someone would run to my aid when I'm depressed. In fact I wish I had some support ... full stop!
I have friends but I would never inflict myself on anyone else when I'm in the doldrums. No one ever knows when I'm down there.
I once made the mistake of having an anxiety attack or whatever at my daughter's house. I got told I was f'd in the head, and I should get my sh!t together! I was helping her out while she didn't have a drivers licence at the time.
We haven't spoken since. She hasn't apologised, and I haven't felt the need to speak to her.
CG
I'm sorry you feel that way and that you don't have the emotional support that we all at times need, no matter how old we are. Most of us are able to cope, but the burden can often be less when we know we have support, however tacit it may be.
My parents died (and they were my rock and kept me centred )many years ago but I have the great support of my adult children. When I haven't been feeling the best they have always rung me, sent small gifts, kept in regular contact and even sent me little inspirational books that one daughter publishes. Families are a two way street. I find that what you give comes back tenfold. Then again I am a very lucky man with my daughters
I agree he is not a child but, HW, but he is your child and no matter how old he is you will always feel and know that and be there to support him. Parenting doesn't stop when the children turn 21.
Hi Elle,
Thanks for that. I think she's lovely but then I'm biased. I'm pretty sure she thinks she's pretty special too. she's my little mate and been a salvation for me over the last 18 months.
Gotta agree with Beth here guys. There is more than just depression 'cause she left and took the kids involved here. Don't think some of you know what is really going on here.
Re-read Marjs' last post, and think how you'd feel in the same situation.
Good on you Jack Mac. I'm not close enough. I can't be away from here long enough to even go down for one day.
We're thinking of you both Marj.
Cheers,
Sheba.
You are a parent for all your of your life. Dosnt matter how old they are they are still your kids. As Jack Mack says you get back what you put into your kids. Since my wife died 2 yrs ago my kids have been there for me when ever I needed and they are supporting what I am doing now completly. If one of them needs meI will be back home to be there for them.
Thanks for all your positive feedback on my comments. I am often loathe to comment on some topics, but this is something I feel quite strongly about. Mental health is not about suck it up and be a man or woman as the case may be. A great proportion os us were brought up that way, which wasn't wrong, we were a product of our times. It is not a matter of how strong or independent you are, we all need support at times, it just that most of us don't know how to ask. Again a product of our times. Most of us are lucky to have loving and caring family and friends. For those that don't, this forum provides an outlet. You may not wish to air your concerns in public but I'm sure most of us have met someone on the forum (even though not necessarilly personally) in whom they can confide and know that it will be confidential and supportive.
One thing I have seen on this forum, although we all have differing opinions on a range of subjects the majority of people are compassionate, caring and supportive.
Pauline
There is also many types of love. There is the soft sweet love that comforts and consoles and then there is the tuff love. The one that you have to learn and is required in this life we live. This is the love where you not only support the ones you love but lead them to a live where they can not only survive but return the love that you have expended. By this I mean sometimes you have to trust your senses and deny something or push towards a recovery. This may be not doing something he wants as YOU consider it not in HIS interests or even YOURS. Bit like stopping a child walking across the road because there is a bus coming. He wants to cross because something he wants is on the other side but you know he will be hit by the bus.
Once you get there follow you instincts but don't push your self getting there as you need to be alive to help him and also you will need a lot of strength as well. Perhaps a nice relaxing day in a good rest stop for 24 hrs BEFORE you arrive would also help.
We are all here so feel free to ask for a chat whenever you require and bounce any ideas of here if you seek advise or help.
Regards
Brian
.. and I agree with you Pauline .. !
While there is so much advice here, it simply boils down to her own personal circumstances .. which will always be different to yours and mine.
.. and I support her in her decision !
Jon
sorry. did it twice.
-- Edited by the rocket on Monday 26th of March 2012 04:49:16 PM
All I have to say on it
Cheers
Jon
Ditto!
He will be ok till I get there with the lady from the shop checking on him every day.
Agree with Jonathan and a few others here. Our circumstances are all different and till you know my son you don 't realise the difficulties he has to live with. The problem is he can't live alone but we will be living independantly of each other with me renting the downstairs off him. He will be living upstairs. They each are fully self contained with 3 bedrooms in each.
He wants to be able to make his own decisions and look after the kids when they stay with him, without me interfering but I'm the backup when he needs it.
I will be there to help him with paperwork, appointments, things he doesn't understand with his brain injury. Also make sure he keeps on top of life.
Yes, only you know the issues and what needs to be done. Personally, I think we should stop telling you what to do and how to handle it.