I am so over it all Valerie. I would rather keep the past where it belongs ~ in the past. It's nice to be where I am right now.
-- Edited by Sunshine on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 10:00:18 PM
Sunshine said
02:32 PM Jan 3, 2010
dave06 wrote:
sunshine am I banging my head against a brick wall here, I encourage openess and understanding between fellow posters and overall we recieve this, if you have a problem that you feel could be helped by talking about it then bloody well talk
holding it in is the worst thing that you can do, do you think you are alone, the only one with troubles, we all have them, it is far better to talk than to bottle it up, I dont want your voice on the end of my phone at three in the morning telling me how you cant cope anymore and you are going to end it all
talk about your troubles, if not to us then someone else!! please!!!
Rest easy guru Dave.....and BREATHE ~ you will receive no such phone call, I promise
Valerie said
02:41 PM Jan 3, 2010
I would do anything to see my grankids. For the last 3 yrs, since the first was born, I have worried the parents would get so mad if I went to court, which causes the kids to experience their energy. I have pretty much just waited and hoped it would change, but it hasn't.
A solicitor told me legal aid don't touch family law, so I am surprised to hear what you are saying. I shall look into it this coming week, so thankyou for all you have said.
Also, just wanted to say..............even though I do accept what has happened in the past and why I keep restoring houses, what's in ones heart to me, walks with me, into the future, too.
Valerie........x
Valerie said
02:45 PM Jan 3, 2010
wow..........I was surprised to read this message. I am so open, personally..........I let whatever I feel out.
There is a big difference in whining, being a victim, being self absorbed, seeking attention.............to speaking from the heart and nothing is going to stop me from doing this.
Valerie.....x
Sunshine said
03:00 PM Jan 3, 2010
Valerie, I meant I am sooo over MY story if this is what you are refering to? but I can relate. No one is trying to stop you ~ quite the opposite. As Dave said, it is encouraged.
-- Edited by Sunshine on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 02:08:50 PM
Valerie said
03:35 PM Jan 3, 2010
I think whatever is happening is happening. I don't fight with what's happening, I let it happen. Let it be...........so to speak.
Valerie.
dave06 said
03:43 PM Jan 3, 2010
if you have the will and motivation and inner strength to walk away and you are doing that which makes you truly happy then do so,
but wherever you go you will always find yourself there, make sure you are truly happy within yourself and most of all be truthfull to yourself
be happy, if however what is happening to you is tearing you apart then do something about it,
life is made up of crossroads, everyday is a new beginning, just because you did it yesterday doesnt mean to say you do it today, change your life take a different course of action, it could be as simple as a tafe course or a total home change or overseas change
your destiny is in your hands, nobody elses, if your life fails it is your fault, your life, your decisions, in the end we enter our grave alone!
as I said i am no expert on the legalities of access or family law, but I would encourage you or anyone else to get expert advice to help you change what is going wrong in your life! and if you are able to then do so!!
Sunshine said
04:45 PM Jan 3, 2010
Hey Dave ~ I love my life now that I make my own decisions and I am thankful for so many things, starting with living in this beautiful country of ours. It's learning to come to terms with all that went before and part of it landing on my doorstep on christmas eve ( never was into surprises or unwelcome guests) that brought me unstuck this last week ~ I didn't want to be "found" I like being lost lol and I was doing soooo well! ~ went into disbelief at the ordasity of some people ...head spins ~ but I am good now ~ fast recovery
dave06 said
07:22 PM Jan 3, 2010
I still get the feeling that all is not as you would like it to be and you are still "raging" against something or someone, and keeping feelings buried deep down
I am very "aware" of folks posts and can easily tell when all is not "right", I have a lot of experience of reading between the lines, you are not right..............
I would prefer you to open up and just talk to someone, if not me then P.M. someone, there are a lot of folk on here that would be very keen to just have a yak and it does help!
call a help line and just have a yak to a stranger, no need to give last names or anything like that but please just have a think about it, life is better than this!!
to be honest I dont think "all is good at all" I think you are "soldiering on" and I tell you here and now it will work for a while but it will turn and bight you when you least expect it to!
even being in here will help you as you would have noticed, just simply talking to people is a great soother!
I've noticed you emerging a little further out of your shell day by day, this is good, dont stop now!
please just talk to someone!
JRH said
07:29 PM Jan 3, 2010
dave06 wrote:
I still get the feeling that all is not as you would like it to be and you are still "raging" against something or someone, and keeping feelings buried deep down
I am very "aware" of folks posts and can easily tell when all is not "right", I have a lot of experience of reading between the lines, you are not right..............
I would prefer you to open up and just talk to someone, if not me then P.M. someone, there are a lot of folk on here that would be very keen to just have a yak and it does help!
call a help line and just have a yak to a stranger, no need to give last names or anything like that but please just have a think about it, life is better than this!!
to be honest I dont think "all is good at all" I think you are "soldiering on" and I tell you here and now it will work for a while but it will turn and bight you when you least expect it to!
even being in here will help you as you would have noticed, just simply talking to people is a great soother!
I've noticed you emerging a little further out of your shell day by day, this is good, dont stop now!
please just talk to someone!
Listen to Dave0, he helped me a lot, was a time I would very rarely post a message, now I am a lot better and happier for his advice and encouragement.
Sunshine said
07:40 PM Jan 3, 2010
I really hate to disappoint you Dave, but aside from nearly falling off my chair in fit of pure amusement at your insistence that I am not ok, I am. I hope you aren't too upset at me for this. I can post something to keep YOU happy if you like. I am rather bored today as it's very wet outside hence my forum following.
goinsoon said
09:48 PM Jan 3, 2010
Hi Valerie If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with a confessor or a friend you will find lots of them here - and I am guessing that they wouldnt expect you to have an aluminum beanie.
From a newbie welcome!! Please feel at home among friends
Valerie said
09:55 PM Jan 3, 2010
thankyou goinsoon.
I enjoy sharing and listening to others. Sometimes what we say, helps others, plus ourselves.
Valerie.......x
Rolly said
10:03 PM Jan 3, 2010
goinsoon wrote:- and I am guessing that they wouldnt expect you to have an aluminum beanie.
I think that you might be a little in error there, dear chap. The Fleet Air Arm rejects would certainly expect a full al-foil chapeau with the possibility that they might demand a display of glad wrap undies, too.
ElBe said
11:56 PM Jan 3, 2010
Hi all, just to let you know I have reactive depression, along with a couple of other avoidance mechanisms. Currently the black dog is away (touch wood) I know it will come again but in the meantime I try to stay on an even keel. I know about the roller coaster, up hi down low etc. butI live below the centre line, I have been trying to not mind the lack of high,s.and be grateful for the calm. Serenity is my aim and to be at one with myself . Not always easy. I am not able to control what other people think but I can try and control what I think. When backed into a corner however I come out fighting. learned that when our son was born with mltiple disabilities. It seems like a lot of hard things happen to some people, and Valerie ,Sunshine and you Dave spit in the face of adversity and make something good from it, and when we can be, be proud of what we accomplish. when the black dog comes tell him to sit be kind to him and he will leave again. ( be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be sad, for a little while, if you fight the dog gets nasty) My heart is with you Valerie and like so many others on this site I'm available to talk. ps I forgot to tell you about the aluminium beanie, all the merriment and good thoughts that brings.
-- Edited by ElBe on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 10:59:35 PM
dave06 said
10:13 AM Jan 4, 2010
sunshine I am a highly trained counselor and also one who has "been there"
I have taken the black dog for a walk for close to two years, it nearly killed me, this is not a joking matter, I see the symptoms in your posts, you may find it amusing now but just please keep an eye on yourself,
laugh at me if you wish but just keep an eye on your true symptoms and feelings, it will start with a "nasty feeling" toward others then a withdrawal from all company
I have said all that I am going to say, when you feel his presence a bit harsher please refer back to this thread and get help
John all I can say is bloody well done you, i've watched your progress for a fair while now and I must say I'm really pleased, good on you!
seonau said
01:23 AM Jan 23, 2010
Hi Valerie...Maybe my own story will help you...
I adopted an overseas girl from Korea 21 years ago now...a look at my forum name may be a clue to that fact. She was only 100 days old when we collected her and brought her back to Oz. Three years later my wife took off with the neighbour and my daughter. When I got over the shock of it all, all I wanted was to see my little girl. For some strange reason my ex made contact difficult so I took the legal approach, and believe me the legal team i engaged really and truly socked it to her, and her partner, big time. After the extended battle and my win she took flight and moved to Qld. She had won! (So she thought!)
My response to her moving away may be the part that is revellent to your own situation.
I opened a trust account and monthly deposited a sum of money into it, you see I figured because my daughter and I were so close she would remember me and one day hopefully come back to me. My thinking was..... when and if she did want to see me then no matter the circumstances i could help.
I tracked them down using the voting registry and the reverse phone book from the state library. Once I knew their address I regularly wrote and sent gifts to my daughter. While I figured most would not get though to her I also figured some would...and I was right too, some did.
She rang me at work one day ...12 years without any contact.12 of the longest, hardest years of my life The situation made me sick. and totally changed my own aspect on life Soon after the phone contact she caught a plane and came back home. She stayed for a month with me the first time. Now she flys down often.
When i met her after that long break at the airport I had to ask her this. . " I am peter, are you my daughter? " I think Valerie when the best we can do is remember birthdays and Easter and Christmas times then we should cherish those opportunities. The power of love .....draw on it and at a minium you will have done your very best and what more can you do?
Valerie said
01:49 AM Jan 23, 2010
Thankyou so much. You touched my heart.
I see a solicitor february 2nd to get advice. I have been going to do this so many times. It's hard knowing what you do could cause the parents to be upset, which the grandchildren will notice. I don't want these children to experience tension, I want them to experience joy, so I keep changing my mind from seeing a solicitor.
Do I accept the parents choice in not letting us see them, as many tell me it's up to the parents. Thing is, if I do nothing, I won't ever get to see them while they are children and that hurts.
Anyways, I will get some advice and see if it all looks worthwhile going to court.
I am so glad you saw your daughter.
Valerie.
ibbo said
12:33 PM Jan 23, 2010
-- Edited by ibbo on Saturday 23rd of January 2010 01:04:23 PM
dave06 said
12:27 PM Jan 24, 2010
Pete you are exactly right with the approach you adopted, good on you, don't blame yourself you're a top dad
Valerie, please keep us up to date with your grandkids! I really feel for you buggers! some people are just so damn cruel and vindictive!
I am so over it all Valerie. I would rather keep the past where it belongs ~ in the past. It's nice to be where I am right now.
-- Edited by Sunshine on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 10:00:18 PM
A solicitor told me legal aid don't touch family law, so I am surprised to hear what you are saying. I shall look into it this coming week, so thankyou for all you have said.
Also, just wanted to say..............even though I do accept what has happened in the past and why I keep restoring houses, what's in ones heart to me, walks with me, into the future, too.
Valerie........x
There is a big difference in whining, being a victim, being self absorbed, seeking attention.............to speaking from the heart and nothing is going to stop me from doing this.
Valerie.....x
Valerie, I meant I am sooo over MY story if this is what you are refering to? but I can relate.
No one is trying to stop you ~ quite the opposite. As Dave said, it is encouraged.
-- Edited by Sunshine on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 02:08:50 PM
Valerie.
It's learning to come to terms with all that went before and part of it landing on my doorstep on christmas eve ( never was into surprises or unwelcome guests) that brought me unstuck this last week ~ I didn't want to be "found" I like being lost lol and I was doing soooo well! ~ went into disbelief at the ordasity of some people ...head spins ~ but I am good now ~ fast recovery
I am rather bored today as it's very wet outside hence my forum following.
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with a confessor or a friend you will find lots of them here - and I am guessing that they wouldnt expect you to have an aluminum beanie.
From a newbie welcome!! Please feel at home among friends
I enjoy sharing and listening to others. Sometimes what we say, helps others, plus ourselves.
Valerie.......x
The Fleet Air Arm rejects would certainly expect a full al-foil chapeau with the possibility that they might demand a display of glad wrap undies, too.
ps I forgot to tell you about the aluminium beanie, all the merriment and good thoughts that brings.
-- Edited by ElBe on Sunday 3rd of January 2010 10:59:35 PM
Hi Valerie...Maybe my own story will help you...
I adopted an overseas girl from Korea 21 years ago now...a look at my forum name may be a clue to that fact. She was only 100 days old when we collected her and brought her back to Oz.
Three years later my wife took off with the neighbour and my daughter. When I got over the shock of it all, all I wanted was to see my little girl. For some strange reason my ex made contact difficult so I took the legal approach, and believe me the legal team i engaged really and truly socked it to her, and her partner, big time. After the extended battle and my win she took flight and moved to Qld. She had won! (So she thought!)
My response to her moving away may be the part that is revellent to your own situation.
I opened a trust account and monthly deposited a sum of money into it, you see I figured because my daughter and I were so close she would remember me and one day hopefully come back to me. My thinking was..... when and if she did want to see me then no matter the circumstances i could help.
I tracked them down using the voting registry and the reverse phone book from the state library. Once I knew their address I regularly wrote and sent gifts to my daughter. While I figured most would not get though to her I also figured some would...and I was right too, some did.
She rang me at work one day ...12 years without any contact.12 of the longest, hardest years of my life The situation made me sick. and totally changed my own aspect on life
Soon after the phone contact she caught a plane and came back home. She stayed for a month with me the first time. Now she flys down often.
When i met her after that long break at the airport I had to ask her this. .
" I am peter, are you my daughter? "
I think Valerie when the best we can do is remember birthdays and Easter and Christmas times then we should cherish those opportunities.
The power of love .....draw on it and at a minium you will have done your very best and what more can you do?
-- Edited by ibbo on Saturday 23rd of January 2010 01:04:23 PM