I help people everyday that would just love the chance to be able to simply participate in life, but who's disabilitys or social misfunctions restrict them so much they cannot, my son is amongst them.
Ok.. Firstly Carol it (to me) seems a little bit silly to withdraw your kind offer of a camp-over site because of something that has been said or inferred on a forum, everyone is entitled to his or her own thoughts and opinions.
I can see Dave's side in this. For those of you who read my profile thingo, you would have seen mention to my friends daughter. Unfortunately I only knew her for a short time of her life, since she was 11 until her passing at 13, but I can assure anyone that she probably taught me more in those few short years then anyone ever has.
She was well aware of her terminal illness, and the fact that she probably wouldn't even live to finish school, drive a car or other things we all take for granted. Never once did I hear her complain about her situation, she was to busy trying to do things and trying to help other people.
She wanted so badly to come on a trip around Australia with me, and it was agreed by her parents that if I did get a motorhome and she was still medically well enough then I would be able to take her for holidays away, sadly that never happened.
The moral of what I am trying to say here is; No matter how hard you think you have it, there is always, always someone who is doing it tougher.
Wombat 280 said
10:08 AM May 20, 2009
Lets go for the big group hug and move on . We are only here for a short time so make sure it's a good time .
kesue said
10:14 AM May 20, 2009
I can really sympathise with Carol on this as it took me a long time to adjust when I sold my business, and I certainly missed the day to day contact with many people. Everyone is different and at it took me some time (2 Years) to find out what kind of voluntary work I wanted to do. I believe at the very least Carol is owed an apology, no one should be treated the verbal abuse just because you do not agree with their comments. Keith
Wombat 280 said
10:37 AM May 20, 2009
dave06 wrote:
oh you bloody whingeing sooks, jesus h christ, what i wouldnt give to be in your situation, I start work at 7am and dont finish until 7pm, I then man the phones until around midnight, sometimes a lot later, taking crisis calls from all over australia,
on the weekends I help fellow travellers with their vehicle repairs as well as man the phone and my social life, I also run a tungsten tool sharpening business which I have owned and ran for the past 25 years
I try to fit my 30 year old mild to severe cerebral palsy sons well being (showering, toileting, feeding, dressing, entertaining, bedding) in amongst that lot as well as dropping him to and from various obligations
my wife works 7 days a week in the caring industry, usually averaging between 65 and 85 hours a week, because there is a huge shortage of people willing to work in this industry,
I average about 60 hours a week not counting my volunteer work, in there I try to fit a "life" as well
if you have a problem with a voluntary organisation then get into another, there are plenty that are screaming out for them, try telephone counselling, we cant get enough vollunteers
if you cant find a way to fill up your life with meaningfull pleasure and undertakings then you are either lazy or stupid or both and you dont deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!
I have quite a few freinds who are retired and they wonder how the hell they ever found time to go to work in the first place, they are busier now with a far more enjoyable lifestyle than they ever were in the workforce and some owned their own business, they dont miss the garbage for one second, it really is a great thing to look forward to!!
I cant wait to retire just so I can sit and contemplate my toenails and not think about other's problems, just for a little while, it will all be about me and my gal!! cant bloody wait!!! let me loose!!!
Give up or cut back the volunteer work and put the time back into your own life. In the world of volunteers you are only a number to be call upon for the troubles of others not the corner stone, it won't fall apart without you. Family must come first, without them you have a very deep hole in you life and heaven forbid should anything happen to you who is going to take your place at the head of the table.
While volunteering is a nice way of giving back to other it must not become a career path or an obsession . Test it out ring in on day and lets then know your aren't available ,I'll bet the world still revoles and the sky doesn't fall .
Basil Faulty said
02:05 PM May 20, 2009
I think Wombats advice is good Dave. I know myself how reliant others become on you as a volunteer and somtimes we loose touch with reality (Says he who can be totally delusional) but if you take a long deep breath occasionaly it causes others to also stop and think in my case "where is that old fool and his dog? they should be here I need them" the crisis will pass, the sun will come up tomorrow and life continues. You can't help all of the people all of the time and most don't appreciate it anyway, but it is so satisfying to help those who need help and rewarding to have your help acknowledged that you continue to vollunteer. Your own health and well being is however the prime concern, posthumous awards will not pay the bills!
JRH said
02:25 PM May 20, 2009
Basil Faulty wrote:
I think Wombats advice is good Dave. I know myself how reliant others become on you as a volunteer and somtimes we loose touch with reality (Says he who can be totally delusional) but if you take a long deep breath occasionaly it causes others to also stop and think in my case "where is that old fool and his dog? they should be here I need them" the crisis will pass, the sun will come up tomorrow and life continues. You can't help all of the people all of the time and most don't appreciate it anyway, but it is so satisfying to help those who need help and rewarding to have your help acknowledged that you continue to vollunteer. Your own health and well being is however the prime concern, posthumous awards will not pay the bills!
Some very good advice there.
VK3FEMT said
08:28 PM May 20, 2009
I know from my days in psych services how reliant people can become on you, and how they will single a certain person out.
It can be very draining, and over time you can get to a point where you feel that you 'have to be there' for these people, this is good as you have built up a report with said people, but it also comes at a price for yourself, it impacts upon you in some odd ways.
I know I had one particular client who I had worked with for 2 years straight, unfortunately she was very persistent in dealing with only me, whilst that was ok, it got to the point where I couldn't go away because 'she' might need me, its not a good position to be in. Because in a roundabout sort of way they are using you, in as much they want the control of knowing you will be there time after time, knowing you will pickup the phone, knowing you will call around etc etc, and at times it comes down to a control thing and how much they can get you to bend.
I also had another male who was also a long standing contact and had my mobile number, he committed suicide because I refused to travel 50 mile to see him because he wanted me to at 4am in the morning because he was stoned.
I am not sure what area Dave is in, but this was a very common problem in the psych arena, clients trying to manipulate and control you, and believe me they were very damn good at it, sometimes it wasn't till a few days later that you realised you had just been screwed lol.
dave06 said
10:41 AM May 21, 2009
this will be my last post
if you re-read the whole string you will see that my initial response to the post was "generic" not aimed at anyone, only those that choose to "waste" their time
"carol's" response was specific, straight back at me, questioning "my" right to respond to a posting, she didnt like the answer that was given back and so she packed up her bat and ball and went home or should I say to another forum
well sorry bout that chief but out here in the real world people "respond" when talking is going on, the answer of course is to "respond" back, it's called "conversation" and it happens out here in the real world, some of the "responses" we get we dont like
try sitting around a fire with 20 - 30 people and not have a little bit of controversy, I have, many times
but we must learn to "give and take" and not pack up and go simply because we dont like the way the conversation is going
I will admit I was quick with my "response" due to unforseen cirumstances but in no way do I owe any form of apology and none will be forthcoming
however BOB, due to the controversy you will have one of the highest rating posts to be ever launched on to the forum,
most members do not post, they simply go from one forum to another looking for controversy like some sort of "life seekers" theirs is so sad they look to latch on to others
I have never and will never belong to another forum as I see it as a great waste of valuable time, and I cant understand those forum surfers who do it all day long,
there are those who may be disabled but even then there are other more beneficial lifestyles
Bamphoto, I am in the grade 2 crisis phsyc, there is only one level above me and I am training to accept that post, I counsel the counselors as well as handle the "at high risk section" mostly familys with young children in exceptional volitile circumstances (possible multi victim support or casualty's)
wombat family has always come first and if you read my posts you will see that I have an enormous support stratagem, however a lot of people dont have this
to get to my training and skill level it takes a lot of years, in my case 25 years of training and study and I am still forging ahead so as to help others,
if I cut back then the world still turns but people die without anyone knowing, hard for someone on the outside to understand, I have however put in for "term replacement" this cannot happen overnight and will not be instant, I cannot just not answer the phone regardless of how I feel because it is called a "crisis call" because it is exactly that
I will leave this post up for comment until this afternoon whereupon I will withdraw my membership, so t"toodles" and catch you on the flip side, hope to see some of you out there some day!!
Cruising Granny said
08:06 PM May 21, 2009
Thanks Dave for everything.
Now all you fellow nomadders out there -
Unfortunately this thread jumped off the rails a bit.
I really enjoy this forum. I find it informative, entertaining, amusing and interesting.
I also the enjoy freedom to speak my mind, which I seem to be doing a bit too often, I think.
However, I do enjoy the freedom.
Getting so upset to disturb our lives defeats the purpose of this forum.
It appears some do jump on to have a say about things they know bugger all about. It goes on everywhere, but it shouldn't stop us from being who we are.
If someone has said what you may have wanted to say, or you agree with, there is no need to comment further, other than to say "I agree" or something similar.
If we all use the site with commonsense and good manners, it will continue to be a friendly, informative forum, just the way it should be.
If you don't think you can maintain that standard, you may have to surf another forum.
Happy nomadding everyone, and let the good times roll. Cheers Chris
I can see Dave's side in this. For those of you who read my profile thingo, you would have seen mention to my friends daughter. Unfortunately I only knew her for a short time of her life, since she was 11 until her passing at 13, but I can assure anyone that she probably taught me more in those few short years then anyone ever has.
She was well aware of her terminal illness, and the fact that she probably wouldn't even live to finish school, drive a car or other things we all take for granted. Never once did I hear her complain about her situation, she was to busy trying to do things and trying to help other people.
She wanted so badly to come on a trip around Australia with me, and it was agreed by her parents that if I did get a motorhome and she was still medically well enough then I would be able to take her for holidays away, sadly that never happened.
The moral of what I am trying to say here is; No matter how hard you think you have it, there is always, always someone who is doing it tougher.
Give up or cut back the volunteer work and put the time back into your own life. In the world of volunteers you are only a number to be call upon for the troubles of others not the corner stone, it won't fall apart without you. Family must come first, without them you have a very deep hole in you life and heaven forbid should anything happen to you who is going to take your place at the head of the table.
While volunteering is a nice way of giving back to other it must not become a career path or an obsession . Test it out ring in on day and lets then know your aren't available ,I'll bet the world still revoles and the sky doesn't fall .
Your own health and well being is however the prime concern, posthumous awards will not pay the bills!
It can be very draining, and over time you can get to a point where you feel that you 'have to be there' for these people, this is good as you have built up a report with said people, but it also comes at a price for yourself, it impacts upon you in some odd ways.
I know I had one particular client who I had worked with for 2 years straight, unfortunately she was very persistent in dealing with only me, whilst that was ok, it got to the point where I couldn't go away because 'she' might need me, its not a good position to be in. Because in a roundabout sort of way they are using you, in as much they want the control of knowing you will be there time after time, knowing you will pickup the phone, knowing you will call around etc etc, and at times it comes down to a control thing and how much they can get you to bend.
I also had another male who was also a long standing contact and had my mobile number, he committed suicide because I refused to travel 50 mile to see him because he wanted me to at 4am in the morning because he was stoned.
I am not sure what area Dave is in, but this was a very common problem in the psych arena, clients trying to manipulate and control you, and believe me they were very damn good at it, sometimes it wasn't till a few days later that you realised you had just been screwed lol.