Not for Old Testament religious people with no sense of humour
Mike Harding said
01:55 PM Aug 23, 2022
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a U.S. radio personality who dispenses
advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said
that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination
according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any
circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura.
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ...
End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the
other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem
is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle
room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? -Lev. 20:14.
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
peter67 said
07:17 PM Aug 23, 2022
Very clever.
DMaxer said
07:34 PM Aug 23, 2022
Try Deuteronomy Chapter 23 verse 1. Anyone who has played cricket or had the chain break on the push bike when you were a kid doesnt have much chance later on.
DMaxer said
07:38 PM Aug 23, 2022
For those without their bible it goes something likehe that is wounded in the stones or has his privy member cut off shall not enter the congregation of the Lord.
Ivan 01 said
07:47 PM Aug 23, 2022
You blokes have no respect at all for Monty Python
Keep this up and we will have Biggus Dickus making a contribution.
dorian said
07:29 AM Aug 24, 2022
I guess if you've ignored the warning in the subject title, and then gone to look for your glasses, you've rejected two chances to avoid offense. ;-|
Magnarc said
09:25 AM Aug 24, 2022
The Bible is one of the greatest works of fiction ever written. From time immemorial it has been used to control the masses and perpetuate a myth, in the case of one western religion control was exercised by sending people on massive guilt trips that can only be corrected by confessing their so called sins. It's time that all these "religions" were made to pay income tax.
In the words of the forum forest dweller,
Bah! Humbug!!!!!!!!!!
Mike Harding said
12:57 PM Aug 24, 2022
Magnarc wrote:
In the words of the forum forest dweller,
Bah! Humbug!!!!!!!!!!
Love it! :)
Plain Truth said
02:13 PM Aug 24, 2022
The Avatars say it all.
Mike Harding said
03:22 PM Aug 24, 2022
PT: surely you can't seriously take the Old Testament as...eeerrr... gospel?
Plain Truth said
04:32 PM Aug 24, 2022
Mike Harding wrote:
PT: surely you can't seriously take the Old Testament as...eeerrr... gospel?
Hi Mike, Maybe I should clarify my post, I love a joke and I found no offence in the joke.
My reply was to comments following the joke.
Surely you can't seriously believe you came out of a primeval .....eeeer... swamp?
Mike Harding said
05:09 PM Aug 24, 2022
Plain Truth wrote:
Surely you can't seriously believe you came out of a primeval .....eeeer... swamp?
Oh yes! I think I did... which would account for much :)
Plain Truth said
05:58 PM Aug 24, 2022
Mike Harding wrote:
Plain Truth wrote:
Surely you can't seriously believe you came out of a primeval .....eeeer... swamp?
Oh yes! I think I did... which would account for much :)
Yes, some people would jump on that statement,but you under estimate your self ( you slimy devil, ha ha.)
Lookup the miracle of eyesight,on the internet the swamp idea looks weak.
Hope to see you out in the bush some time.
dorian said
07:04 PM Aug 24, 2022
PT, if you follow the illogical path of the laryngeal nerve in a giraffe, you will understand that no intelligent designer could have been responsible for it.
Plain Truth said
07:11 PM Aug 24, 2022
Another Richards Dawkins follower
dorian said
07:17 PM Aug 24, 2022
If, according to Genesis, man was created in God's image, why must every male member of his chosen race (not you or I) be circumcised? Was the foreskin a design error?
Plain Truth said
07:40 PM Aug 24, 2022
dorian wrote:
If, according to Genesis, man was created in God's image, why must every male member of his chosen race (not you or I) be circumcised? Was the foreskin a design error?
Circumcision is a covenant between God and the male Israelite's in Old Testament,not required in the new testament covenant.
dorian said
10:22 PM Aug 24, 2022
Plain Truth wrote:
dorian wrote:
If, according to Genesis, man was created in God's image, why must every male member of his chosen race (not you or I) be circumcised? Was the foreskin a design error?
Circumcision is a covenant between God and the male Israelite's in Old Testament,not required in the new testament covenant.
You have avoided my question.
Whenarewethere said
11:19 PM Aug 24, 2022
Magnarc wrote:
The Bible is one of the greatest works of fiction ever written.
Surely not!
Mike Harding said
07:53 AM Aug 25, 2022
Plain Truth wrote:
Hope to see you out in the bush some time.
Indeed :) Maybe around Mitta Mitta again in the mid to late summer?
DMaxer said
08:32 AM Aug 25, 2022
Despite detailing some violent views that were held during that period and which were more than likely based on personal interpretations of the scriptures, The Old Testament is regarded as an accurate historical source and relied upon by noted historians and academics.
dorian said
09:14 AM Aug 25, 2022
Methuselah lived for 969 years. That kinda distorts the timescales a little, and puts a new perspective on all the begetting that was going on. I don't know how any historian could reliably separate fact from fiction using such numbers. I suppose that Egyptian hieroglyphic records might provide some insight into the time when the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt.
Mike Harding said
10:06 AM Aug 25, 2022
DMaxer wrote:
Despite detailing some violent views that were held during that period and which were more than likely based on personal interpretations of the scriptures, The Old Testament is regarded as an accurate historical source and relied upon by noted historians and academics.
It may well be, more or less, historically accurate (Noah and his arc?) but it seems to me it was largely used as a source for teaching and most of its parables are contrived in order to instruct in good morality and social order. We should remember these were societies where virtually no one had any education at all and people rarely travelled more than walking distance from their birth place.
eg. The constraints on eating pig meat and filter feeders were sensible then as were directions not to have sex with family and such - I'm sure some of the teachings were excessive (that's laws for you eh Dmaxer?) but on the whole they were a reasonable set of rules by which to live and supporting them with the power of God no doubt ensured most of the trouble makers and inveterate rule breakers (people like me :) ) were less inclined to flout them.
But... that's the trouble with attributing things directly to "The Word of God" as time moves on and eg. prawns become healthy eating it's very hard to amend it and say "We've decided God was a bit wrong about the prawns and bacon although sex with your sister is still right out."
DMaxer said
10:16 AM Aug 25, 2022
The likes of you and I don't understand most of it Mike but theologians with intricate historical knowledge certainly have given it plenty of credence.
By the way, the parables are a product of The New Testament, The Old Testament is an historical account of the Hebrew/Jewish nation.
Mike Harding said
10:42 AM Aug 25, 2022
DMaxer wrote:
By the way, the parables are a product of The New Testament
"The Parables" certainly are... however most parables are not.
Santa said
11:32 AM Aug 25, 2022
DMaxer wrote:
The Old Testament is an historical account of the Hebrew/Jewish nation.
And what a blood thirsty, evil, vengeful, mysogynistic lot they were.
The new testament was cobbled together by the catholic church in the second century.
Both works of fiction.
dorian said
07:38 AM Aug 26, 2022
Where is the Gospel according to Jesus Christ? If the word of God was so important, why did Jesus not write it down in his own infallible hand? None of the canonical gospels were actually written by Christ's disciples, so all we have are second or third hand accounts, some of which borrow from the others.
Here are the written accounts of those times which didn't make it into the Canon:
The real story of this entire issue is that politics & religion got together to create one gigantic fictitious story to feather each other's nests to bleed the people dry. A great system if one is within the network.
dorian said
09:30 AM Aug 26, 2022
Jesus was woke:
(114) Simon Peter said to him, "Let Mary leave us, for women are not worthy of life." Jesus said, "I myself shall lead her in order to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every woman who will make herself male will enter the kingdom of heaven."
I like the incident of the Aboriginal boy in mission & the priest giving sermons.
The priest was explaining about an apple. The Aboriginal boy said why didn't Adam eat the snake, it tastes much better. The priest said snakes are poisonous. The boy said, don't be silly, poisonous snakes don't climb trees. The priest storms out of the sermon.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a U.S. radio personality who dispenses
advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said
that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination
according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any
circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura.
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ...
End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the
other specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem
is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle
room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? -Lev. 20:14.
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
You blokes have no respect at all for Monty Python
Keep this up and we will have Biggus Dickus making a contribution.
The Bible is one of the greatest works of fiction ever written. From time immemorial it has been used to control the masses and perpetuate a myth, in the case of one western religion control was exercised by sending people on massive guilt trips that can only be corrected by confessing their so called sins. It's time that all these "religions" were made to pay income tax.
In the words of the forum forest dweller,
Bah! Humbug!!!!!!!!!!
Love it! :)
The Avatars say it all.
PT: surely you can't seriously take the Old Testament as...eeerrr... gospel?
Hi Mike, Maybe I should clarify my post, I love a joke and I found no offence in the joke.
My reply was to comments following the joke.
Surely you can't seriously believe you came out of a primeval .....eeeer... swamp?
Oh yes! I think I did... which would account for much :)
Another Richards Dawkins follower
Circumcision is a covenant between God and the male Israelite's in Old Testament,not required in the new testament covenant.
You have avoided my question.
Surely not!
It may well be, more or less, historically accurate (Noah and his arc?) but it seems to me it was largely used as a source for teaching and most of its parables are contrived in order to instruct in good morality and social order. We should remember these were societies where virtually no one had any education at all and people rarely travelled more than walking distance from their birth place.
eg. The constraints on eating pig meat and filter feeders were sensible then as were directions not to have sex with family and such - I'm sure some of the teachings were excessive (that's laws for you eh Dmaxer?) but on the whole they were a reasonable set of rules by which to live and supporting them with the power of God no doubt ensured most of the trouble makers and inveterate rule breakers (people like me :) ) were less inclined to flout them.
But... that's the trouble with attributing things directly to "The Word of God" as time moves on and eg. prawns become healthy eating it's very hard to amend it and say "We've decided God was a bit wrong about the prawns and bacon although sex with your sister is still right out."
The likes of you and I don't understand most of it Mike but theologians with intricate historical knowledge certainly have given it plenty of credence.
By the way, the parables are a product of The New Testament, The Old Testament is an historical account of the Hebrew/Jewish nation.
"The Parables" certainly are... however most parables are not.
And what a blood thirsty, evil, vengeful, mysogynistic lot they were.
The new testament was cobbled together by the catholic church in the second century.
Both works of fiction.
Where is the Gospel according to Jesus Christ? If the word of God was so important, why did Jesus not write it down in his own infallible hand? None of the canonical gospels were actually written by Christ's disciples, so all we have are second or third hand accounts, some of which borrow from the others.
Here are the written accounts of those times which didn't make it into the Canon:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Testament_apocrypha
The real story of this entire issue is that politics & religion got together to create one gigantic fictitious story to feather each other's nests to bleed the people dry. A great system if one is within the network.
Jesus was woke:
From The Gospel According to Thomas:
https://web.archive.org/web/20101006054022/http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gthlamb.html
I like the incident of the Aboriginal boy in mission & the priest giving sermons.
The priest was explaining about an apple. The Aboriginal boy said why didn't Adam eat the snake, it tastes much better. The priest said snakes are poisonous. The boy said, don't be silly, poisonous snakes don't climb trees. The priest storms out of the sermon.