I'm a solo everything, not just a nomad. I've been that way for a long time.
I recently met someone who gushed to impress me. I accepted his friendship, but when I didn't change to impress him he bolted, yet I'm still the same person he met.
I know he's now not worth worrying about, but what's with that?
What's wrong with just being mates - good mates, to go out sometimes and stuff like that.
I'm a strong, independent asset. I have to be because there's no one to do it for me.
Can anyone help me understand this phenomenon? I think I must be going nuts.
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Monday 21st of November 2011 05:51:33 PM
Campfire said
05:53 PM Nov 21, 2011
Some people just need more.
Cheers, C
Happywanderer said
06:10 PM Nov 21, 2011
Agree with you totally CG. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be friends with all without someone expecting more than we can give.
In saying that, did anyone read the news today of the study that proves Seniors need more sex to be happy.
No wonder we are all taking Happy Pills.
Cruising Granny said
06:46 PM Nov 21, 2011
Did we swap the contraceptive pill for the happy pill? It's about quality, not quantity. How much more can one be expected to give? Or how much can someone expect? For some it would never be enough. So I'm an independently independent solo. What's wrong with that? I'm going singing now to Sing Australia where I'll be among friends with no expectations.
Dougwe said
07:37 PM Nov 21, 2011
From a mere male, I agree Chrissy. Good friendship without the trimmings.
Elle on Wheels said
08:30 PM Nov 21, 2011
Unfortunately there are people out there with hidden agendas and without wanting to offend anyone on here or start a gendered based argument, I think there are some men out there who find independent women a challenge and get an ego trip out of trying to establish a dependancy. And maybe that's what happened Granny, he saw it wasn't going to work so buggared off which is a good thing really.
Both sexes can play all sorts of nasty and unhealthy emotional games when it comes to setting up a relationship and it's a matter of caveat emptor.
Top points to you for refusing to lower your standards and ethics and remaining true to yourself.
No you are not going nuts, if anything, your ex friend probably has a range of insidious pathological disturbances. The bad'uns are hard to spot sometime.
Sheba said
09:18 PM Nov 21, 2011
You sure got that right Elle !!!
Chers,
Sheba.
billeeeeeee said
09:26 PM Nov 21, 2011
Howdyeeeeeee , yep there r plenty of Nutters out there,, Male and F/males,, stay excited Granny,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Billeeeeeee
Okay, I am not single have been married nearly 34 years, but I think I am going nuts myself, I have been there all this time, went where he wanted to go to follow his dreams and now I have said I want 2 years not 10, 20 or 30 just 2 years to do what I want, is it too much to ask............maybe it is but I have dreams and cannot wait till I and he is too old to do it the only way we can which will include working............have to really make a stand on this and I just have.
Happywanderer said
09:35 PM Nov 21, 2011
Good on you Pauline. have met and talked to quite a few of one half of a couple. One doesn't like this lifestyle so the other goes off by themselves in their bus, motorhome or whatever they have. The other half is happy to stay home and wait for their return.
Billeeeeee, where are you at now?
pauline said
09:57 PM Nov 21, 2011
If we don't do it together we won't be doing it...........cannot imagine doing it without him, he really does enjoy it when we get out there but I think women are far more adventurous and prepared to get outside of their comfort zone then men, especially as they get older, so it will be all or nothing.
Happywanderer said
10:04 PM Nov 21, 2011
So where did you follow him Pauline when he was following his dreams. Is he into something completely different, do you mean a different style of holiday.
To the others out there excluding Pauline of course and other happily married couples, Can I ask without turning this topic smutty, are there many singles out there who have a sort of relationship with the opposite sex, like friends with benefits, just for the convenience of it all, no strings attached. I've often wondered as I see a lot of singles/who enjoy travelling together on a permanent basis. Thought there had to be more to it than it looked.
DeBe said
10:13 PM Nov 21, 2011
No your not nuts Chris. Just he obviously is not worth worying about.
Elle on Wheels said
10:16 PM Nov 21, 2011
Hey Pauline
I hope you can find a compromise. I feel really sad when you say if you don't do it together you won't be doing it. You really want to go, otherwise you would not be talking to us here.
As Marj said there are lots of one half of a couple out there doing it alone. I really hear you when you say you want to do it with him but if he is not ready and you are then something has to give way.
I know you have talked about not driving a manual and that the van you have is quite large. Is there another option for you like buying a little van or campervan which you could easily manage without dramas.
When couples have been together for a long time it is a wonderful thing and part of that is looking after each others needs without feeling threatened if one wants to do something different.
I really hope you find a way to go travelling because it seems to be what you really need to do.
There are a lot of people here who have heaps of knowledge about travelling with or without partners. I hope they share their experiences.
pauline said
10:26 PM Nov 21, 2011
No hope of getting a smaller van just for me, that is why we bought a bigger van because we were planning on living in it for at least 2 years, like I said before I do believe men get in a comfort zone as they get older, maybe I am wrong...........I am not talking about a holiday I really am talking about a lifestyle change not just a different location, who knows where it will all end but something will.
goinsoon said
10:33 PM Nov 21, 2011
Pauline, I really feel for you, I cannot understand him, Doreen and I have gone to the extent of renting our house out and moving full time into the van for two years, we have been in it for twelve months now and can't imagine going back home.
We just move about as the mood gets us, at present camped on our sons 12 acres at Jimboomba in Qld, next week lake wivenhoe, then lake dwyer and then down to Red rock near grafton with the grandies and back home for a 6 week housesit job at Moogerah
pauline said
10:40 PM Nov 21, 2011
Thanks GS for understanding where I am coming from, but I suppose everyone have different dreams and I always thought this was one we shared, maybe I was wrong but I really don't think I am, just have to push a bit harder but that does take some of the fun out of it.............
goinsoon said
10:59 PM Nov 21, 2011
pauline wrote:
Thanks GS for understanding where I am coming from, but I suppose everyone have different dreams and I always thought this was one we shared, maybe I was wrong but I really don't think I am, just have to push a bit harder but that does take some of the fun out of it.............
Push him, nag him, it's worth it trust me
Cruising Granny said
11:30 PM Nov 21, 2011
If you really believe in your dream, do what you can to show your other half how important it is to you. If he really respects and loves you, he will understand and either let you go alone or go along with you to share the experience. Or you can just do it together in short bursts. A week or 2 here, another trip to another place, so you get to experience the destinations of your dreams, and you get to share with the person you share your life with. If you start small and short, he may get the hang of it and want to do more. I don't think pestering and nagging will result in a positive outcome. He may even resent you and the whole idea of going away. Gently does it, but never give up.
And thanks everyone for your reassurance. It's hard to be demoralised and stay confident, but you've all given me enough ammo to go on with. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts.
jules47 said
06:32 AM Nov 22, 2011
Cruising Granny wrote:
I'm a solo everything, not just a nomad. I've been that way for a long time.
I recently met someone who gushed to impress me. I accepted his friendship, but when I didn't change to impress him he bolted, yet I'm still the same person he met.
I know he's now not worth worrying about, but what's with that?
What's wrong with just being mates - good mates, to go out sometimes and stuff like that.
I'm a strong, independent asset. I have to be because there's no one to do it for me.
Can anyone help me understand this phenomenon? I think I must be going nuts.
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Monday 21st of November 2011 05:51:33 PM
Hey Chris - I can understand how you feel - but I am lucky enough to have a guy who is one of my best friends - we are sharing a house at the moment, till the one he is moving into is ready, but it has strengthened our friendship having this time together. We know there is no "romantic" stuff there for us with each other, but we do share a lot of affection, just as I do with my girl friends.
It is nice to have someone there for you, and this last month has been a real bad one for me, getting over it now though, and my friend has been there for me all the way -handing me tissues when I blubber, being the voice of reason for me.
So don't despair - just take it easy - his loss, not yours.
jules47 said
06:35 AM Nov 22, 2011
Happywanderer wrote:
Agree with you totally CG. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to be friends with all without someone expecting more than we can give.
In saying that, did anyone read the news today of the study that proves Seniors need more sex to be happy.
No wonder we are all taking Happy Pills.
Happy pills? - is that what I need????????????????? or should I go ahead and break off the fruit from the monsteria (think that is what it is), buy some condoms and get happy? ha,ha!!
Ma said
06:56 AM Nov 22, 2011
jules47 wrote:
Happy pills? - is that what I need????????????????? or should I go ahead and break off the fruit from the monsteria (think that is what it is), buy some condoms and get happy? ha,ha!!
You go girl.....................woohoooooooooooooooooooooooo
lilly31 said
07:15 AM Nov 22, 2011
We all go crazy form time to time Ma... But if someone cant accept you for who you are ..friend or something more it ..IT their loss not yours ..... I was with a man for two years all the time i battle to live my dream .. funny thing is now we are great friends now we are not partenrs ... figger that one out lol
Ma said
07:27 AM Nov 22, 2011
I have heard of that happening quite often Lilly. I remember one couple who had been together for over 20 years and decided to get married, they divorced 2 years later.
You take me as I am worts and all if you don't it's like you said their loss
ozi2 said
07:31 AM Nov 22, 2011
Cruising Granny wrote:
I'm a solo everything, not just a nomad. I've been that way for a long time.
I recently met someone who gushed to impress me. I accepted his friendship, but when I didn't change to impress him he bolted, yet I'm still the same person he met.
I know he's now not worth worrying about, but what's with that?
What's wrong with just being mates - good mates, to go out sometimes and stuff like that.
I'm a strong, independent asset. I have to be because there's no one to do it for me.
Can anyone help me understand this phenomenon? I think I must be going nuts.
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Monday 21st of November 2011 05:51:33 PM
CG, you are a strong, independent & INTELLIGENT asset, nothing nutty about that!
My mother shared the same or similar values, however the times were against her, ie, women cared for the family, hubby was the provider and never the twain shall change, but times have and its a shame that too many blokes just dont get it that it is now the 21st century!
Without mutual respect what hope has any relationship, platonic or otherwise? Its all self defeating.
Women have always been more independent then men, there can be no argument surely!
All the best,
cheers,ozi2
lilly31 said
07:39 AM Nov 22, 2011
Ma wrote:
You take me as I am worts and all if you don't it's like you said their loss
I agee with you ma i always say it took me a long time and a lot of money to get to be the person i am today and i dont want to change .. so worts and all or not at all ..LOL
All i can say is if you are happy with the person you are .. Dont change for anyone ..
justjo said
10:21 AM Nov 22, 2011
lilly31 wrote:
Ma wrote:
You take me as I am worts and all if you don't it's like you said their loss
I agee with you ma i always say it took me a long time and a lot of money to get to be the person i am today and i dont want to change .. so worts and all or not at all ..LOL
All i can say is if you are happy with the person you are .. Dont change for anyone ..
You guys have said it all! Hang in there CG
Jo
Cruising Granny said
12:13 PM Nov 22, 2011
Dougwe wrote:
From a mere male, I agree Chrissy. Good friendship without the trimmings.
Right from the beginning he explained that health issues would mean there would be no "trimmings". That's fine with me if it's a quality friendship.
There's the problem. The friendship was one-sided. He was needy and dependent and obviously lonely. I helped him out. I supported him when he was admitted to hospital. I made a couple suggestions of how he could improve his quality of life with activity and house cleaning, but he kept hinting it would be easier if I was there or did the jobs.
I told him I was his friend, not his enemy, but if he didn't lift his game to help himself I would become the enema.
Support I can do easily. Housekeeping for someone who doesn't do it is not on the agenda.
When I expressed a couple of quirky, even comical ironies about the job we do, he bolted so fast his feet didn't touch the ground because according to him I was whinging. No sense of humour. Gotta have a larf!
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Tuesday 22nd of November 2011 12:19:03 PM
Elle on Wheels said
12:59 PM Nov 22, 2011
I'd love my mates to come and do all my housekeeping as well but somehow I don't think they'd be impressed. I hope you walloped him with a wrench.
Rip and Rosie said
05:42 PM Nov 22, 2011
Hey you..... you don't have to beg for love, or trade "mothering" for love.
Someone should see it as a privilege to love you, not the other way around (unless its a 2 way street- in which case its magic).
One sided relationships are just another way of being a user, and its fraud.
Get rid of him Granny! Some one out there will love to love you........................run girl, and don't look back
I'm a solo everything, not just a nomad. I've been that way for a long time.
I recently met someone who gushed to impress me. I accepted his friendship, but when I didn't change to impress him he bolted, yet I'm still the same person he met.
I know he's now not worth worrying about, but what's with that?
What's wrong with just being mates - good mates, to go out sometimes and stuff like that.
I'm a strong, independent asset. I have to be because there's no one to do it for me.
Can anyone help me understand this phenomenon? I think I must be going nuts.
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Monday 21st of November 2011 05:51:33 PM
Some people just need more.
Cheers, C
In saying that, did anyone read the news today of the study that proves Seniors need more sex to be happy.
No wonder we are all taking Happy Pills.
It's about quality, not quantity.
How much more can one be expected to give? Or how much can someone expect?
For some it would never be enough.
So I'm an independently independent solo. What's wrong with that?
I'm going singing now to Sing Australia where I'll be among friends with no expectations.
From a mere male, I agree Chrissy. Good friendship without the trimmings.
Both sexes can play all sorts of nasty and unhealthy emotional games when it comes to setting up a relationship and it's a matter of caveat emptor.
Top points to you for refusing to lower your standards and ethics and remaining true to yourself.
No you are not going nuts, if anything, your ex friend probably has a range of insidious pathological disturbances. The bad'uns are hard to spot sometime.
You sure got that right Elle !!!
Chers,
Sheba.
Howdyeeeeeee , yep there r plenty of Nutters out there,, Male and F/males,, stay excited Granny,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Billeeeeeee
Billeeeeee, where are you at now?
To the others out there excluding Pauline of course and other happily married couples, Can I ask without turning this topic smutty, are there many singles out there who have a sort of relationship with the opposite sex, like friends with benefits, just for the convenience of it all, no strings attached.
I've often wondered as I see a lot of singles/who enjoy travelling together on a permanent basis. Thought there had to be more to it than it looked.
No your not nuts Chris. Just he obviously is not worth worying about.
I hope you can find a compromise. I feel really sad when you say if you don't do it together you won't be doing it. You really want to go, otherwise you would not be talking to us here.
As Marj said there are lots of one half of a couple out there doing it alone. I really hear you when you say you want to do it with him but if he is not ready and you are then something has to give way.
I know you have talked about not driving a manual and that the van you have is quite large. Is there another option for you like buying a little van or campervan which you could easily manage without dramas.
When couples have been together for a long time it is a wonderful thing and part of that is looking after each others needs without feeling threatened if one wants to do something different.
I really hope you find a way to go travelling because it seems to be what you really need to do.
There are a lot of people here who have heaps of knowledge about travelling with or without partners. I hope they share their experiences.
Pauline, I really feel for you, I cannot understand him, Doreen and I have gone to the extent of renting our house out and moving full time into the van for two years, we have been in it for twelve months now and can't imagine going back home.
We just move about as the mood gets us, at present camped on our sons 12 acres at Jimboomba in Qld, next week lake wivenhoe, then lake dwyer and then down to Red rock near grafton with the grandies and back home for a 6 week housesit job at Moogerah
Push him, nag him, it's worth it trust me
Or you can just do it together in short bursts. A week or 2 here, another trip to another place, so you get to experience the destinations of your dreams, and you get to share with the person you share your life with.
If you start small and short, he may get the hang of it and want to do more.
I don't think pestering and nagging will result in a positive outcome. He may even resent you and the whole idea of going away.
Gently does it, but never give up.
And thanks everyone for your reassurance. It's hard to be demoralised and stay confident, but you've all given me enough ammo to go on with. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts. I'm not going nuts.
Hey Chris - I can understand how you feel - but I am lucky enough to have a guy who is one of my best friends - we are sharing a house at the moment, till the one he is moving into is ready, but it has strengthened our friendship having this time together. We know there is no "romantic" stuff there for us with each other, but we do share a lot of affection, just as I do with my girl friends.
It is nice to have someone there for you, and this last month has been a real bad one for me, getting over it now though, and my friend has been there for me all the way -handing me tissues when I blubber, being the voice of reason for me.
So don't despair - just take it easy - his loss, not yours.
Happy pills? - is that what I need????????????????? or should I go ahead and break off the fruit from the monsteria (think that is what it is), buy some condoms and get happy? ha,ha!!
You go girl.....................woohoooooooooooooooooooooooo
I have heard of that happening quite often Lilly. I remember one couple who had been together for over 20 years and decided to get married, they divorced 2 years later.
You take me as I am worts and all if you don't it's like you said their loss
CG, you are a strong, independent & INTELLIGENT asset, nothing nutty about that!
My mother shared the same or similar values, however the times were against her, ie, women cared for the family, hubby was the provider and never the twain shall change, but times have and its a shame that too many blokes just dont get it that it is now the 21st century!
Without mutual respect what hope has any relationship, platonic or otherwise? Its all self defeating.
Women have always been more independent then men, there can be no argument surely!
All the best,
cheers,ozi2
I agee with you ma i always say it took me a long time and a lot of money to get to be the person i am today and i dont want to change .. so worts and all or not at all ..LOL
All i can say is if you are happy with the person you are .. Dont change for anyone ..
You guys have said it all! Hang in there CG
Jo
Right from the beginning he explained that health issues would mean there would be no "trimmings". That's fine with me if it's a quality friendship.
There's the problem. The friendship was one-sided. He was needy and dependent and obviously lonely. I helped him out. I supported him when he was admitted to hospital. I made a couple suggestions of how he could improve his quality of life with activity and house cleaning, but he kept hinting it would be easier if I was there or did the jobs.
I told him I was his friend, not his enemy, but if he didn't lift his game to help himself I would become the enema.
Support I can do easily. Housekeeping for someone who doesn't do it is not on the agenda.
When I expressed a couple of quirky, even comical ironies about the job we do, he bolted so fast his feet didn't touch the ground because according to him I was whinging. No sense of humour. Gotta have a larf!
-- Edited by Cruising Granny on Tuesday 22nd of November 2011 12:19:03 PM
Someone should see it as a privilege to love you, not the other way around (unless its a 2 way street- in which case its magic).
One sided relationships are just another way of being a user, and its fraud.
Get rid of him Granny! Some one out there will love to love you........................run girl, and don't look back
Rosie